Im mad &*(%$#

[TropicalGrove]

Sorry for lengthy post but I need to vent! English isn't my first language, so I'll try my best. I wanted to swear because I wanted to express how extactly how I feel but I wasnt sure about the rules of this board. So I removed the swearing.

 

I've been feeling sad everyday for a long time, of course you all could say its a depression Im experiencing, but I need know how to get out of the situation where I can focus on my own problems without putting up with other people's crap.

 

My cat, Midnight passed away a few months ago and I never know until today. I'm pissed off at my parents because they knew and kept it from me. Midnight started to doing her 'business' in the kitchen instead of her litterbox because she refused to share with the new cat. So I bought her own litterbox and put it upstair in closet but she refused to use it and continued doing her business in the kitchen. My mom said Midnight had to go, but I didnt want to her to go because she was my baby, and she has been with me for about 7 years. We tried to find someone who was willing to take Midnight in, and my Dad said he had found someone. So I accepted and was ready to let Midnight go because it was dangerous for my son who is 3 years old. We cant keep cleaning up the mess in the kitchen. My parents told me I can't go with my Dad when he took Midnight away. Id idnt understand why but I wasnt thinking at the time that something might be up. For past few months, I have been asking when I could see Midnight because i wanted to know how shes doing, but they kept making excuses like I dont know when, I cant call them, we have to wait until they call us, and etc. I got pissed off and today, I bugged my mom about it and finally she told me that Midnight was already put to sleep a few months ago. HOW COULD THEY DO THIS TO ME ? they did this to me like Im a little girl. Lie to me and killed my cat. I got mad at my mom but she got mad at me and told me I have to get over it because that is life. GRRR Its not life to have your parents kill your own pet and lie to you for months... its cruel and certainly wrong. Im very sad right now.

 

My mom is an alcoholic and has temper problems. She would scream and hitting because she thinks they deserve it. She also has an attitude problem. She is also very lazy. The house is always messy and unhealthly. She has blackmailed me many times. What kind of mother who would blackmail her kids to get what she wanted ? For example, when my son was born, my mom and her boyfriend wanted to take my son to Nova Scotia, I told them no because my son was too young, about one month old at the time. She blackmailed me saying she will never help me with the baby if I dont let my son go. She should have understood because it was winter time and they were going to travel by car but all she care about getting my son. Her boyfriend is lazy and has drinking problems too. He dresses like a complete bum. He can't hold a job very long. One time, he has gone without a job for six months doing nothing and staying at my mom's home for free because my mom owns the house. They dont clean up the mess, and sometimes he would tell me to clean up my mess ? WHAT ? I got pissed off at him and told him THATS YOUR PLATES, CUPS, ETC left on kitchen counter and the sink are piled up with plates, glasses, knives, forks etc. YOU PUT THEM THERE. NOT ME. VERY STUPID. I can't afford to move because my parents forced me to stay with my mom because she has little money to pay for bills, and etc. THey dont care if its bad home environment for my son. IT could affect my son seriously, because he is showing poor behavior and etc from watching my mom and her boyfriend. They set many bad examples. Eating junk food, messy home, swearing and hitting. I told them many times, but they dont seem too concerned but refuse to help me to move out. Its like they think I shouldnt move out on my own just because Im deaf. Im really pissed off. They think I should stay with my mom. Im a grown woman with 3 years old son and Im perfectly capable of living on my own. I wish I could save lots of money to able to pay for first, and last rent plus furniture. Ahhh.... I have to put up with this everyday and disciplining my son is hard sometimes due to bad habit my son has gotten from around my mom and her boyfriend. Sometimes, I feel like Im stuck here forever and having sucidual thoughts because I feel its only way out to end the miserable feelings. I feel like I have no life because Im still living at home, but I wont kill myself over this because my son needs me more than ever. There are lots to say,... but I think its enough for now.

 

I would appericate any advices. This drives me CRAZY.

[RelaxByWater84]

Awww thats awful that your cat died. I really don't know how to help you, but if you need someone to just listen you can Private message me. I hope things get better for. Oh I do know something that might help, try journaling I do it. It makes things better for me and I'm more relaxed and ready for the day. Hope this helps.