Her again

[Muchachoz4]

Alright, so im 17 and I met this girl last year. She is very aggressive, and usually says if she wants something, and last year she wanted me. So, we went out for a little less then a month, and i was already thinkin about her constantly, which i find to be normal at my age. We broke up at the end of the month, but stayed relatively close until she decided too, out of the complete blue, tell me that she hated me, and that she doesnt want me to call her again...etc. Then she goes out with this complete head of a guy, and is on the road to screwing up her life...

 

7 months later she calls me, and tells me that they had broken up, and tells me all of her life problems which i foretold. She wants to get to know me again, and start hanging out, which knowing her means that she likes me again.

 

Now, my problem is that i am REDICULOUSLY shy, im talking one of the worlds shyest kids, and when we were going out, one of the reasons she we broke up was because i wanst aggressive enough, and i didnt show enough PDA, and she is the complete opposite with me which might generate a problem. I Like this girl alot, and i find her attractive...etc, but I just want some advice on what I need to do to become less shy, and not have the same problem that I had last time dating her. HEELLP

[theproman23]

Think about it what's the worse that could happened if you were atleast a little more aggressive? She wants you to be aggressive so if you are a little aggressive at first and get comfortable with it you might be able to get out of your shyness a bit. But keep in mind she turned you away before. If she wants back you must posses some quality that attracts her. Use that to be confident and know that you're worth it. Hope that helps. goodluck.

[Muchachoz4]

Well see thats where my shyness kicks in...right off the bat. I dont know how to be aggressive...The only thing ive ever been aggresive in, is sports lol, and that usually never works out either. So when you say try being aggresive, i dont even know where to begin

[maasikus]

Looks like the girl is using you a bit....

 

The question is, do you want to be aggressive or are you happy being the way you are?

 

Maasikus

[Muchachoz4]

well, At the point that me and her are at, I dont care if she is using me, because my options are so limited...i guess you could say im desperate. But, I would SOOO rather be aggresive then how i am...I mean, I dont talk to girls as of now, but if i was aggressive, then things might change.

[theproman23]

First of all, how old are you? Just so that we know what age group we're talking to cause that does matter. If you go out on a date don't think about holding her hand, if you feel like it do it, is she is not comfortable with it she'll let you know. Once you get past that, always walk her to the door after a date, hold her close and go in for a kiss, if she doe'snt want it she'll let you know and you'll just have to try another time. Don't take her not wanting to do something as rejection, may be she's just not comfortable with those things yet but believe me you'll never ever know if she's ok with it unless you try it. Stop second guessing yourself and let yourself be free. Let me ask you a question? How much do you like her? If the answer is a lot then would'nt you do anything you can to win her over? Well if it was something other than being aggressive I am sure you feel like you have control over that and can change it to win her, right? Well being aggressive is in your control too. You can control how you act around her. Be confident, think of something good and keep it in your mind that you can do it. And don't over analyze or over think something. Sounds like a stupid thing to say but let her know you can have power too, don't give in to her just because you think you're gonna make her mad because in the end she'll know you're a pushover and believe me most women find that to be unattractive. Stand up for yourself but be fare and logical about it. Don't be pushed around cause if you don't stand up for something you'll fall for everything. Let us know how else we can help. Goodluck!

[maasikus]

Three tips on overcoming your shyness:

 

1. Be confident (remember she asked you out again, so it should be easy)

2. Be comfortable (you know her already, so that makes it easier)

3. Don't panic

 

You could also try making casual conversations to complete strangers. It might be ackward initially, but you will get used to it, and it will all seem natural afterwards.

 

Goodluck,

Maasikus

[Shadow25]

wow, this girl sounds horrible, she's so used to being abused by her old boyfriend that she can't handle a loving relationship with a nice guy...it's so common...I say she sounds horrible, because she's actually trying to manipulate you into being someone you don't want to be.

You don't want to be aggressive, I can tell, you just want to be accepted for who you are, and if she doesnt accept you for who you are, then she's not worth it buddy, just move on.

[Muchachoz4]

Lol, its funny that you say she sounds horrible, because alot of people say that, but theres something about her that i cant forget, something that doesnt seem right. When i look at her i think "wow, shes really not the type of girl i would usualy find attractive", but i cant help it. There is no love involved, just alot of teenage lust. Btw proman, im 17, and shes 16, which makes it more logical that i feel , i mean not many relationships work out so i hear.

 

Anyways I just found out, believe it or not, that her ex boyfriend talked to her again this weekend, and apparently they just got back together today, or yesterday....see one of the reasons that she broke up with him in the first place, is because he beat her....sooooo correct me if im wrong, but i believe thats illegal, and doesnt feel to well. Apparently she thinks it does though, so my balls just got pretty much ripped off, and handed too me.

 

After all this, I still draw closer to her, especially since i find out that she still has feelings for me from one of my close friends...so, this isnt so much as an advice column, so much as an update to my torment but id gladly like comments from anyone to help clear my mind.

 

OH, and thanks for the advice on being more confident, and not worrying what she thinks/anyone else thinks

[theproman23]

Ok the thing about these situations is no matter what we say it's not gonna make sense to you unless you experience it. Like you said I also come on here for opinions although I know what I am getting in to is trouble I need to expericnce things for myself in order to find out what everyone is talking about. But right now you gotta forget her, I think the reason you feel like there's somethign about her is because of your shyness. Make new friends, there are girls out there that are shy too so they understand where you're coming from when you are shy too. Join a sports team or some recreation leagues and keep yourself busy but like I said unless you expericne things yourself things we say won't make much sense. You're only 17 and I am only 22 and we have a long way ahead of us so think of this as an experience and maintain your distance.

[Seko]

It sounds like this girl has huge self-esteem issues, whether she is vocal about them or not.

More often than not, girls who let themselves be abused in relationships have a very poor self image. They feel like that's the best they're going to do, or that they deserve it for some reason. She may have some sort of abuse in her past, perhaps with her parents, which causes her to see abuse together with love, or at least makes it hard for her to see it as a cause to leave someone.

 

If this is correct, it could also be the case that she didn't like your lack of aggression becuase it made her feel like you didn't like her enough. If these disrespectful guys are the kinds she often finds herself ending up with, perhaps she is used to guys who rush or smother her, and don't care about what she wants. Maybe, in her mind, any guy who finds her physically attractive should/would do that.

 

Just some ideas.

 

Anyway, as for your shyness....I don't know why you are so shy, but if you are at all worried about it not working out right, at all scared etc, just remember that she likes you and obviously WANTS you to make moves. No need to be afraid. If that is what she has expressed to you in the past, the worst that could happen is probably her telling you she's not in the mood for whatever, or pulling away. She doesn't seem like the type to jump up in shock and never speak to you again

[Muchachoz4]

Alright, so I appreciate the advice, and im not sure if i should create a new post, or not lol, but problems continue to stack...And i know that it may seem like im avoiding everyones advice, but I feel obligued to make my decisions, and "mistakes" on my own, so i hope i dont offend anyone if i dont act on your advice.

 

 

Anyways, So this girl that I like is now through with her ex that used to beat her/treat her like...not very good, which is all fine and dandy, because I know that she likes me too, but the thing is...she likes more then one guys. At this point, I know she likes one of my "friends"....and, I guess im a pretty jealous guy, and even though im not technically dating this girl, it hurts overly excessive when i see her hugging, and flirting...etc with some kid that i used to be pretty close with. Not too mention the fact that I would have thought she would be doing all that flirting with me. I mean, she calls me almost every night, and we talk for awhile, we hang out, but since im not a very aggressive guy, im not sure when to make my move, or what to say lol, lets just say im not very good with girls.

 

So, i guess my question is, what happens now?? Do i let my "friend" make his move on her, do i try to "win" her over, or do i just not even care??