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Back with exgirlfriend, trust issues


D1886
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My girlfriend and I went out for 2.5 years. During the last year I was very untrusting of her and had insecurity issues, this eventually led to us breaking up.

 

We broke up all summer, and she has slept with other guys.

 

My question is if I can overcome knowing this if I get back together with her, which is definitely a possibility now.

 

She is a very trusting girl and I had no reason not to trust her before when we were going out, but I'm concerned I will not be able to look past this fact, when that was my whole problem before and now it's true. Are there any ways of looking at it differently or what can I tell myself or anything, how can I or if I can get over this very very painful reality?

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D, thing is this man...

 

This girl wants to be with you. She's giving you another shot, and regardless of what may have happened this past Summer, she's coming back to YOU.

 

You gotta realize this fact. Yeah, she did have sex, which is also another fact, but the bigger picture is that she WANTS YOU even after that part of her life.

 

If you can't see beyond her recent past, then don't waste her time or yours in the process.

 

Another thing, she shouldn't have to "pay" for what she did while you weren't with her. If you take her back, take her back with love and understanding.

 

P.S. You think that as you go on in life, that the next girl you meet is NOT gonna have been with other guys before? The percentages are against that...just something you should consider.

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If you can disconnect sex and love, then you can ignore that she slept with other people while you broke up.

 

If you can't separate those two- then it means either

- she fell out of love with you, slept with someone, then fell back in love.

- she can separate the two and you might always be worried that every time you have an argument she will cheat on you.

 

If you can't separate the two thats TOTALLY ok!!- but it will put a spanner in the works of any relationship.

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I also think that constantly worrying that someone is cheating on you is a symptom of two totally different things- these are a bit far out tho- just my theory

 

1. YOU want to sleep with lots of different people and you're projectig that desire onto her rather than deal with something that makes you feel guilty- that's a documented psychological kinda thang. Which makes you not only insecure and angry but also incredibly jealous of the fact that she went out and slept with other people while you were separated.

2. You don't like yourself very much and you can't accept that someone you care about would want to be with you. You want to make massive changes in your life but can't, and every timeyou see someone who has what you want, you imagine your girlfriend wanting that too, and so of course she's going to leave you- because that thing is SO important (althoughm actually only to you).

 

 

Or, here's a toughie, both!!!!

 

It's a tough nut to crack but I think paranoia is generally covering up something else you don't want to think about.

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