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Having a problem with NC, she keeps calling


joeG
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I don't know how many of you have read my original post. If you care to here it is...

 

Since then I had written her a letter, found here...

 

So that brings me to today. She had called me Friday, after she got the letter in tears. Not understand why I was going to cut her off. I realize that MOST of us while in the relationship will say things like "If we were to ever break up, Id want to be friends", its natural.

 

Well, as much as I DO want to be friends with her. It's hard. Iv'e been doing very good as far as feelings, and keeping busy go. I haven't been contacting her at ALL since the break, about a month ago. She has always called.

 

And continues to call. After she called back, after she read the letter, when we hung up, I figured that was it, she finally got it. But no, she called back the following day with a million ?'s, trying to justify things, telling me she was just still confused bla bla bla. We hung up.

 

She called yesterday afternoon, I didn't answer. Last night, at 2:30 am my cell rings, it shows up "Unknown". Well she has NEVER called that late, even while we were together, and I have a good friend from back home who always calls from "Unknown", I figured it was him.

 

I answer, and there she is. I know I should of cut the convo right there, being it was obvious she just wanted to "talk". I talked to her for about 15 mins. She kept on bringing up "inside" jokes about us. Finally, I said "Alright I have to go to bed" she replies with "Oh...so, you you're going to let me go?" UMM YEAH, OBVIOUSLY.

 

I already went against the letter, cuz she's called, once I answered knowing it was her (After the letter was sent), and then lastnight, and I talked to her.

 

I guess I feel like maybe it was too soon to send the letter. I mean, I'm going out, doing things, talking to other girls, I dont sit at home crying, moping, wondering what she's doing. But I still have this weak spot for her, and ACTUALLY FELT BAD THAT I SENT THE LETTER, pathetic right? She put a guilt trip on me, even though I know it's true (She doesnt have anyone but me in her life that will really be there if she needs it), Its still unfare to me.

 

Any suggestions on how to go about all this? Should I just stop contact again?

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Well you gotta see the big picture here and that is that you requested NC unless she wanted to get back together and she is not heeding your wishes. Instead you're getting pulled back into this and I can tell it's the false hope she's giving you which is doing it.

 

It's never too late to put your foot down and ask very straight forward at the beginning of the call "Are you calling to get back together with me?" Any of that I'm still confused garbage is her way of telling you no, and you should believe her.

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I know man. You know more than everyone about this whole situation.

 

A part of me wants to completely tell her off, I mean, the things I want to say, would make her cry, hard.

 

But the other part, feels bad for her, i know it sounds pathetic. I know if I cut all contact now, we will eventually be friends. It's almost impossible not to connect again, being our families are somewhat intertwined.

 

I don't know why I feel bad cutting off all contact. if it's because of her past, and what she's dealing with. or if it's just my feelings about her.

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Hi there, I read your posts- it's a really painful being pushed and pulled around like that by someone you care about!

 

If you were totally clear about no contact and she didn't pay any attention then that's a fair indicator that your needs aren't so important to her. Some maky say she cares so much she doesn't want to give it up- but failing to understand and continually asking questions is basicalloy putting a massive amount of pressure on you- when in truth you've aklready made your point.

 

So I'd say that you could do two things if you want the situation to change and none of them are very nice- because it sounds like she isn't one to give up-

 

1. don't answer the phone at all - that's going to take a long time and will be stressful

2. be brutally honest and if she continues then change your phone number- write her a letter that you're doing that if- is she the sort of person that's going to just turn up at your house if you do that?

 

You've already lost a lot of ground because you didnt stick to the letter.

 

I don't know this girl- so obviously I'm just going on my own experiences of a similar relationship. My girlfriend was simply more stubborn and better at getting what she wanted than I was. And so I always caved in- because I did care for her, even though it was making me miserable.

 

In the end I did just say- "I dont want to see you or speak to you anymore". A 3 year relationship, most of it like you described and she had a new boyfriend in a week.

 

But obviously it's not the same person, I'm just reading into what you wrote.

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