What should I do?

[broncoman79]

I have been married for 5 years. Lately, it has been very tough for me. Every day, I get yelled at, called names, told how lazy I am, I just dont know what to do. I know I havent been the perfect husband, I have had trouble holding a job, and recently had back surgery, so it makes job selection harder. she gets mad because I dont clean the house. I'll admit im lazy, but I love her, and try to do nice things for her, but it always comes down to an argument, and how miserable she is, and how much of an I am. she's been sick for a while, and i always try to do nice things to make her feel better, and it lasts a while, but then she gets all mad again. I actually found myself contemplating suicide today, thinking how easy it would be and how bad she would feel for treating me this way, but I could never take my own life, it's a cowards way out, and i'm smarter than that. It seems no matter what I do, I can;t make her happy. should I just stop trying? I love her more than life itself, and it hurts me to think of leaving, but I feel like im just her personal target for insults. what do I do?

[agent1607307371]

Why don't you clean if thats where the arguments come from?

 

Nice things are nice, but ultimately taking control of our responsibilities is more important.

I understand that back surgery would make some chores difficult but it's the effort that counts.

[princess81]

I agree with agent. I think that we girls like flowers and chocolates and all those nice things that makes us feel special loved and appreciated but I find that if my man gets up after a meal handles the dishes or takes the trash out all those little things that add up to me having to do less gives me more time to wine down relax cuddle and show him some love. I understand that you are physically hurt but you also admited to being lazy try sitting down to do dishes or ask for a little help.

[RayKay]

Well, I am not totally with the other posters on that.

 

I agree that both people should contribute to the household and I would get frustrated if my partner was lazy too...but that is NOT an excuse or a valid reason for her to insult you, call you names and generally verbally abuse you. How many people would want to do nice things to someone calling them names?

 

 

I think it is time for marriage counselling, as I think this goes far deeper than not taking out the trash or wiping down the kitchen counters.

[Arch Angel]

If your not working right now she probably has the mind set that you could be doing the household chores being that your home all day so that when she gets off work she doesn't have to do them too.

 

It sounds like she is at the end of her rope and lacks in the 'positive' communication department. She may be so frusterated with you not volunteering to do what is obvious and, has she said the same thing over and over again to where she is at the point of aggression?

 

Providing for the family takes both ppl now days, generally, and the home is where you both live thus becoming an equal shared duty.

 

Try pulling your own weight around and I would certainly tell her to talk to you with respest!

[SarahRose]

marriage counseling sounds good.

 

You could simply call a truce with her and get your butt up and do a substantial amount of chores daily without being told and I bet she is much happier about things.

 

I just saw that you aren't working. It is totally unfair not to be pulling your share. If you aren't working, the household chores should all be done by you and dinner on the table when she gets home from work.

[blemished]

It sounds like she resents you and has some deeper issues. She is using these excuses in order to display her unhappiness, but these are symptoms, not the real problem. Counseling or divorce are your only options for improvement.