Think I feel the end of a friendship coming on...

[sumguy]

Don't know what I'm looking for... advice, validation, abuse or a pat on the back - I'll take any of the above.

 

I have four people I consider close friends, and then a circle I consider mates. Recently three of the four in my close group decided the forth wasn't worth being around to due to some of the things she'd done. I wasn't personally greived, and I remained her friend.

 

Seeing as the other three were out of her life now, I tried to be there for her, so she'd have someone to talk to about things (seeing as no one else would be), this went on for about a week, and then she randomly went off at me a few nights ago, complaining that "she didn't need to tell me everything."

 

I explained I was just concerned and wanted to help, the next morning there was an apology in my Inbox, so I figured things would return to normal. I learned tonight through a mutual contact (A 'mate' and someone she'd slept with, but who doesn't have significant feelings for her) that she thinks I'm being weird and obsessive, comparing me to a guy who had been after her earlier and was almost stalking her in his own way.

 

The email I just sent was short and sweet:

 

"There are two Key differences between Me and (A):

 

(A) wanted to sleep with you, I just wanted to be there to make sure you had someone to talk to when your other friends were ignoring you.

 

(A) would do anything to get back in your good books, I'm just sick of trying to be your friend and coming out feeling burnt, angry and used.

 

I wont do anything immature like blocking you or ignoring you, but don't bother replying, in this state you'd learn more about what I think than you really want to know.

 

-Me"

 

I probably wont read any reply she gives me, and at the moment I could care less about any prospects for the continuation of the friendship in the future, though in the morning I probably will - I get over things very quickly, I can't seem to stay angry for longer than 24 hours.

 

Thanks for reading, double thanks if you reply - I know I hardly ever reply to these rant style posts. I'll probably just update with whatever happens next... I'd blog if I wasn't so lazy. =P

[confuddled]

It sounds like you were trying to be a friend to her and in a way she has shown she doesn't deserve that by talking about you to somebody who hasn't really been a friend to her. That must have made you angry, I know it would have made me angry.

 

Your email to her did plainly and succinctly state the differences between you and A, and I can understand why you wrote the part about her finding out more about what you think than she wants to know, but to me that is the part that will get to her the most. As if you have other opinions about her and her choice of friends that you've been holding back on.

 

Maybe the way she has been with you explains with the original friends decided to call it a day and from the way she's behaved I can see why they might have reached that decision. You might want to as well.

 

Alternatively, she could identify you as 'belonging' with the other three and possibly be lashing out at you (and them, indirectly) as a reaction to that. Maybe she feels a little lost and hurt at being cut out of the collective. Only you can tell whether she regrets the way she acted in the past, but if she doesn't and if she's not just behaving badly as a 'cry for help' then it might be time to move on.

 

Just my tuppence worth.

[DN]

Perhaps her behaviour explains why the other three no linger wanted her as a friend. Does she do this with all her relationships?

[sumguy]

I'm beginning to get the feeling, DN. It's unfortunate, I've known her for years, but somewhere along the line things changed...

 

And yeah, Confuddled... the third paragraph was probably just vindictive, given a do-over I'd have probably not included that, tried to stay mature...