NC - being kind to me.

[jules12234]

Dear All

 

I have been reading and thinking a lot about NC and have been adherring to this myself and have not contacted my ex since he walked out of my life.

 

But my ex pops up about every two weeks to have a meeting to discuss bills which we never do, we just talk about us and I saw him last Sunday and it was very awkard.

 

Anyway, this week has been very odd for me because I think I am finally accepting it is over - I have had joy of seeing him to I don't want him back to being extremely angry about a lot of things.

 

Yesterday, I was driving and it came to me that by me allowing this LC from my ex to "discuss bills" I am putting myself through the breakup every two weeks. Whilst it is not that severe as the beginning I have to go through the analysising of everything he said, when will he call again, nothing is resolved re: bills and his stuff, and I go through all the emotions of a break up.

 

So it is only me now doing this to myself, hence, I am not being very kind to myself. By allowing him to come around I am prolonging the agony and extending this break up.

 

So what am I going to do - I have decided the next time he wants to come around and discuss things I am going to write back to him (as he makes appointments by slipping notes through my door whilst I am at work) and say sorry I can't make that time but you can post me a cheque and tell me what day you want to collect your stuff.

 

I need this resolved and closed as I find I am not moving on and I am sure I am boring my friends and family to death. They are all telling me to move on but I am not because I keep seeing him and I think they are embarrassed.

 

So hopefully I can be strong and follow this through.

[danman4968]

So it is only me now doing this to myself, hence, I am not being very kind to myself. By allowing him to come around I am prolonging the agony and extending this break up.

 

Exactly what i did for nearly a month 1/2, but your making a really good decision and it will pay off for you, but stick out the no contact, every time you break it, it just makes it harder to re-establish it and move on.

 

Hope everything works out!

[moonflowers]

Don't worry too much about those fluctuations that you described - from my experience, and from what I hear, it's absolutely normal to make two steps of progress only to slide back one. Rest assured in the confidence that if you truly wish to be over someone, it might not happen as quickly or easily as you'd like, but it definitely will.

 

I wish you the best in your effort to maintain NC and move on.