Anyone had this problem?

[ShaKe__]

Last night my best friend told me that I have changed and that I don't share anything about myself,just listen to other people's confessions.Since I like psychology I like helping people solve their problems and mke them feel better.But my best friend told me that in our group people often say that they don't really know me.I just don't trust people so easily,because of the fear of getting hurt and disappointed.What can I do to be more open to people and let them know me?

[Mr Mister1]

Well you need to trust people before you give too much away, maybe if you hang round with them and get to know them better you might start to trust them more and be more open.

 

I'm not a very open person and generally people have to gain my trust before I even think about telling them anything. And even then I decide what people get to know about me.

[Hope75]

Does your best friend ask you questions?

 

Some people perceive offering information about themselves without being asked self-centered and somewhat rude.

 

Tell her (if you are comfortable doing so-) that you will tell her anything she wants to know, all she has to do is ask.

 

Not everyone is as open about sharing themselves without being asked first.

[Meow18]

I agree with Hope.

 

Actually, something sort of similar happened to me once. My good friend got mad at me because I wasn't as open as she was about kissing and crushes.

 

At one level, your friends need to appreciate you for you advice and friendship, but at another level they also need to know you! But in a way I also feel like you can know your friends just by being with them and hanging out. That's just when you see who a person really is.

 

But I like Hope's suggestion. Let her know that you aren't so comfortable about sharing random details about yourself openly, but if she would like to know something in particular, she can ask you.

[Honey Pumpkin]

Last night my best friend told me that I have changed and that I don't share anything about myself,just listen to other people's confessions.Since I like psychology I like helping people solve their problems and mke them feel better.But my best friend told me that in our group people often say that they don't really know me.I just don't trust people so easily,because of the fear of getting hurt and disappointed.What can I do to be more open to people and let them know me?

 

Hi ShaKe,

 

I was actually saying a similar thing about me in another thread yesterday - that I find it really hard to open up and share things with other people. For me, it's a trust thing, but also - I don't know, I just don't like sharing really personal things. I'm always a bit surprised by the way that people tell me overly personal information very quickly (I'm a good listener, so people tell me stuff).

 

Do you think that you hold back? There is nothing wrong with being reserved, to be honest. I know when I was younger, my female friends would share all the juicy details of their sex lives. I have never minded them sharing, but I really don't share that with people, and as I've got older I've realised that it's okay to not put everything out there.

 

Do you talk in a group? Do you express your hopes/dreams/vulnerabilities? I mean, is it the extent you participate your friend is criticising or the way you participate?

 

Does your friend actually *ask* you questions, and you dodge answering, or is that she just doesn't ask? I would also say that I would personally never critcise a friend for how they behaved in that sense. It seems a little unkind to me, to be honest, but that's just a personal take.

 

Anyway, good luck with all this!

[Ms. Babydoll]

I've had the same thing happen to me, I guess it has a lot to do with trust issues. The way I got past it was realising how much my friends love me and will support me no matter how different I am, so I opened up a bit more to a few of them. That made our bond tighter and they all knew more about me and can now trust me too. That's why we are all so close now and come to eachother when we need one another, I suggest you try doig something like that too, it really helps.