His Lack of trust and jealousy is killing me slowly

[winter2005]

If you have read some of my previous posts youll know that I totally have bad luck in relationships my god I am really Hurt!

My first relationship ended in a divorce where I filed for it because it was just not working.

I have been seeing this guy for 6 mnths and intially when I started to date him I did not believe in relationships no more but something about him changed me. He has been trying to help me get on the right road religious wise and etc seeing I live in a conservative society in the middle east he asked me to put a scarf of my head which I dont mind its nore totally cover up but it is a sign of respect to him and society so it helps me socially and I accpeted. Intially I made a few promises and then tried to compromise some of what he wanted to be realistic and he sees that as breaking a promise. I use to drink I quit drinking because I promised him I would stop and things done happen over night I had a few drinks after that promise and I let him know and he saw that as me betraying him. I dont drink at all right now nor do I go to places that may make me drink.

The problem is that he just cant trust me it is like a yo-yo. He is very jealous and illusional he invents senarios that I am cheating on him and then gets angry as if I really did it. When I tell him I would never do so he would be you said you would not drink and you did twice after you told me. Its just that somethings take time like stop smoking or to stop drinking even wearing a headscarf it takes a while to adjust . Thank god I do not drink no more and I do wear the headscarf . But intially it was hard for me to do so right away because it was new to me.

He insists that he can never trust me and no matter what I tell him he will always believe that I will cheat on him and I wont!! I have nothing to hide from you guys I am honestly telling you that I will never everrrrrrrrrr cheat on him not on my watch no way.

I love him so much and I want this relationship to work and he says there is nothing I can do to make the trust issue go away... even his illusions of me cheating or doing wrong things when really i dontttttttttt he invents senarios in is head and gets so very angry.

What can I do to stop this or make it easy on him?

He says he loves me but this is a MAJOR problem.

 

[melrich]

You are making way to many compromises here. Compromises that you will not be able to deliver on.

 

What can I do to stop this or make it easy on him?

 

Nothing. That is who he is. That is what you can look forward to for the rest of your life.

[vesper]

The key here is that you are saying that he will never trust you no matter what you do. Correct?

[winter2005]

I asked him is it possible that we can build trust? And he says not. But By sticking to my work and volunteering infromation and haveing good actions in time it should be possible. Its killing me you have no idea. I just need to have a talk with him ( again) on how we can try to solve this!

Any other suggestions?

[melrich]

Any other suggestions?

 

End the relationship.

[vesper]

If he is causing so much discomfort for you, then the best thing you can do a.ignore him

b. leave him

c. leave things the way they are and swallow it.

[winter2005]

I do think him and I have a great thing going here if he can just stop being illusional and work with reality and work with me. I am willing to give this relationship 110% I want to try my hardest to change this it would be such a shame to end this!

[winter2005]

I was really considering ignoring him and letting it be but there is going to be a breaking point where Ill just go insane from all the false accusations. But what type of a relationship is this... He says he loves me and he cant live without me then why is he pushing me away shouldnt he be controlling the BS in his mind?

[vesper]

....maybe he feels insecure about himself and is projecting that onto you in terms of these accusations.

 

Tell us an exact phrase of how he accuses you and how do you respond to him when he accuses you of this?

[Momene]

I think you have to say that he'll just HAVE to learn to trust you and remind him that there's no reason for him to distrust you. Otherwise leave him.

[winter2005]

For example I was over his place and then i proceeded to go home and he went to the movies with his brothers. He saw my moms cars at the movies and then automatically assumed i did not go home.. i was out somewhere.....

and i wouls say no i went directly home he would be like no u did not... nothing u would say to me would change my mind... goodnessss

[winter2005]

Many things bother me about this relationship!! I always tell myself that realtionships are never perfect and problems happen but this is too much.

He is not going to class, he is on probation at college and I call to wake him up... And I tell him that he should know better and that he has to go to class etc... Just because I care.. and he proceeds to say bye and shut the phone in my face and i call back and he says never call this number again and shuts the phone again.. I mean come on where is the love? He always gets angry and then apologizes ....

This Hurts so so so much and I dont know what to do it kills

[Momene]

Sounds harsh but goodbye seems a good option.

[winter2005]

I hear you... and it gets worse everyday the doubting and he confessed that he talked to a girl on the phone and never told me... I mean its starnge.. One day I look up to him and trust him and the next day I think he continuolsly doubts me because he is doing wrong.... do u get what I mean?

I would love to say goodbye if things dont chnage I mean this is the right thing to do but it is not the easiest..

[urban_eagle]

I must appologise for myself here, but i'm very much like this, bad trust issues, creating things up in my head, and i think i'm overprotective. I'm in the navy and only get to see my girlfriend possible 4 days every month plus holidays. It eats me up inside thinking about her. I've been seeing her over a month but know her as a distant friend for about 7, shes a clever girl that works in science and has said to me that she would never cheat on me. I don't know why but it just doesn't seem enough, but then again i don't know what is. I tried to call her last night and couldn't get through so i fell asleep and tried again later, just to receive a txt saying " i'll call you when i'm ready to talk" we haven't argued. I could do with some advise, she is the most smartest, beautiful girl i know we get on so well when where around each other. I need a good reality check, that doesn't involve her leaving me. what could i say or do to make this go away, winter2005 i think your the key person here. what would you want your fella to do or say to make things the way they should be for you?

[winter2005]

All I need from my bf is for him to turn his head off and give me 100% trust until I prove him wrong otherwise. You see when you have a reason not to trust her then youll feel more confident to make a decison to stay or not.

Just be upfront and tell her I trust you right now and let her know that if she messes up that you will never be able to trust her again because that is the type of person you are. So let her know that she has to think twice before doing anything let her know that thier is another person involved in this relationship make it crystalllllllll clearrrrrrrr . Its a small world so she cant hide everything and youll feel great after letting her know your "guidelines"... so if she messes up at least you know that you told her .. Let her know to keep her phone near her if that bothers you ... If you are a jealous person she needs to help make u life easier by volunteering information, answering the phone etc... do i make sense?