emotional affair vent/what I would say to OM, etc.

[lifesucksthenyoudie]

taking higher road...deleting thread...and disappearing

[BellaDonna]

I am glad that things are improving for you. It sounds like it's been a bumpy road.

 

I think you made the right decision by cutting off all contact with the other man, and focusing on your marriage and family. I hope your marriage becomes stronger as a result of this.

 

Everyone makes mistakes- just be glad that this one was addressed before it went even further. Taking your kids away from ther dad and into the home of an already-married man (who was essentially a stranger) would have been a much more terrible mistake. I'm glad you stopped seeing the situation through rose-colored glasses, and there was an intervention before it was too late.

 

 

 

This may sound harsh- but what the other man is feeling really should no longer be your concern. I understand the need for closure, but the well-being of you and your family has to be your only priority now. You and the OM are both adults- you were both equal players in this- if he is hurting, he needs to blame himself just as much as he may be blaming you. What else would he expect if he was married and lying about it initally.... How could he think it was a good situation or would result in any good outcome? The whole thing sounds very unhealthy- he too had to know he was playing with fire.

 

You know what you need to do now? You need to forgive yourself. I'm not say make excuses for your behavior or forget it- but just forgive yourself. Your husband has forgiven you- now you need to do the same.

link removed

 

 

I wish the best for you and your marriage,

 

BellaDonna

[robowarrior]

Venting is one thing, but what's more important is to realise what drove you out of your marriage in the first place and never let that happen again. Your husband loves you, so do your children and if anything or unsatisfied you NEED to communicate/complain (not fight) about what's going on. Your husband doesn't have a crystal ball to see whats going on in your mind. So you need to tell him what has to go different, and you have to pertain loyalty to your marriage.

[Beec]

lifesucksthenyoudie, I hope you realize, you got played. You did. It happens. But at the same time, it's tough to have sympathy for you, because your were cheating. The one good thing here is that you did not actually meet (from what I read), but you were gone emotionally. In the circumstances you were in, I would hope most people would begin to end the relationship before planning their new one. Since you didn't, part of me says yippee for your pain, part of me.

 

Another part of me thinks you should be saying "phew, thank God I never met him." Because if you had met, you probably would have been naked in no time, have comsumated your cheating and who knows where you would be now, although it probably would not be with him. He's playing, you weren't. Be thankful it ended when it did. Be happy you are not with him, still getting played, while you left something that seems like it was going to turn out fairly well. Rejoice for what you missed out on, which would have been more painful, and grab onto what you have, happily.

 

Welcome to the forum. Come back, as you need to. And your name, it's just wrong. Life is good.

[hardcharger]

okay, your pennance is to have/give sex to your husband every other day for 2 yrs and that will absolve you of all wrongdoing. (cheerfully, with gusto)

[puppeteer]

i think what is important here is that you came out of your "haze" from this emotional affair and realized you wanted to work on saving your marriage.

 

some of us are not so lucky...my wife is still in the thick of her affair and shows no sign of turning back...which is why i initiated NC over a month ago and have no intention of waiting around for her to realize that she too is in a situation that has been manipulated by the OM.

 

however, just because he helped the situation along, doesn't mean she didn't want it...

 

he gave her the lines she was wanting....that is a hard thing to resist...

 

you know...if he actually is better suited to her and she is happier with him than she was with me then fine...

 

however, i look at the character of someone who was willing to hurt many people by intruding into the life of a married woman and i don't have much hope for that relationship...

 

anywho...focus on your husband. push any thoughts of the OM out of your head...because if you don't you simply open the door to the ruin of your marriage.

 

best to you. good luck.