what is going on??

[tiffanyambergirl]

Hi Everyone!

 

I have no idea what is going on with me, maybe you guys could shed some light on this if its normal.

 

I dated and was engaged to a guy for two yrs. Him and I had the most love/hate relationship. When we weren't arguing we were perfect, absolutely perfect and very intense. But when we argued, we didn't have one of those fights when you argue and make up later, we wouldnt make up till next day at least. Usually our fights were about a stupid thing that shouldn't even been brought up but somehow we always ended up arguing. I'll be honest, I loved that man so much, he was the love of my life, I honestly don't think I'll ever love anyone THAT much. Our chemistry was inexplicable. We broke up because he couldn't take the arguing anymore and said it would be better if we don't get married. Our breakup was pretty brutal and we broke up on bad terms. That was over six months ago.

 

For the past 5 months I've been dating a wonderful, wonderful guy. if I had a list of the perfect bf it would describe the guy I'm dating. We have awsome communication, awesome time, awesome everything. We get along perfectly, it is almost as if we were made for eachother. And I do care deeply for him but I can't seem to get my ex out of my mind and I feel guilty. I feel guilty for not being able to give my heart to my current bf like I did to my ex, I feel guilty because I do think about my ex all the time. I'm trying to move on, and I think I have but even when I push my ex out of my head during the day, I dream about him all the time My dreams are usually about me seeing my ex somewhere and trying to get his attention. Everyone tells me that in time this shall pass. But I know in my heart that I'll never love anyone like I love my ex fiance, and it kills me, because I want to. I guess I just wanted to vent and see if anyone has been in similar situation as this, and how can I stop the dreams? Everytime I wake up from those dreams, I get really upset. Because it feels as if I'm re living the breakup again, and it eats me inside.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

You broke up with your ex-fiance about six months ago and have been dating this new guy for 5 months. You did not give yourself time to heal before jumping into the next relationship. This is a rebound relationship and that is why you can't give of yourself. This is a disservice to both yourself and him. He deserves someone who is totally into him and you need to be your own and learn how to be happy by yourself before jumping into the next relationship.

[tiffanyambergirl]

Thanks, I appreciate your response. I understand that I needed to give myself time before getting into another relationship. And I certainly didn't plan on it, but it happened. And I don't want to let go of someone who is so perfect just to give myself time to heal. I almost feel like he IS helping me heal.

 

Also not sure if this makes any difference but I've known this guy for yrs.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

He may be helping YOU to heal but what are you doing for him. Yes, outwardly you are with him, but inwardly you keep thinking about your ex. He may be perfect for you, but in all fairness to him, you are not perfect for him because you are hung up on someone else. How would you feel if you were with someone and they were all lovey dovey with you but it was not real because they were thinking about their ex all the time. You should always treat people the way you would like to be treated. If you told your current boyfriend that when you are with him and when you go to bed at night, you think of your ex, how do you think he would feel. Pretty crappy. That old saying what you don't know won't hurt is not true. The truth eventually comes out and when it does, he will be so incredibly hurt that he was living a lie. He is NOT helping you heal because you are still thinking about your ex. Only YOU can heal yourself. Nobody can do it for you.

Sorry to be so blunt but I see this over and over again where people go into rebound relationships in order to not deal with loneliness. It doesn't matter that you knew him for years before. It just made it easier for your to smother your feelings and the loneliness of being without a partner.