what do i do???

[life_of_ai]

just quick backround info... we were together for 3.5 years, i moved from IL to FL to attend college together. eventually she has more homework to do and cant hang out. she breaks up with me and 1 week later shes with someone else now. she was my best friend. i dont have anyone else. i did everything for her, i was perfect. i loved her with all my heart.

 

summer came, i went back home to IL, she was in FL. i did NC or at least tried. we definitely talked less though. she told me she wanted to be single, but a week later she was with him. shes doing everything we did with him. i found out they had sex and i lost it.

 

now schools starting and i saw her for the 1st time, and i found out that im a mess now. i still love her, and when i hugged her to say hi i wanted to kiss her.

 

i do love her, but at the same time i dont cuz of what she did. the first 10 min's we hung out, i was pretty quiet. i didnt want to open up. but then i did and then her b/f called her and i just felt hurt all over again. we both want to be friends. we're best friends but i dont konw anymore. as much as a care about her and everything im realizing it just might not happen.

 

i hope that because she jumped into this new relationship, she will eventually miss me but i dont know if it'll happen. shes doing different things now. shes drinking and partying alot, joined a sorority (which i supported) her new b/f is in a frat and i just i dont know . she said if we were both maybe 4 years older we would have a serious future. i guess the timing of us wasnt right. maybe when we graduate from college, she'll realize what shes looking for is what we had, but by then it'll be too late for us

 

we are highly compatable. we really are and i know that, and shes said that. i do want to be friends, but i dont want to have this feeling after i leave. i dont wanna just forget the friendship because when i dont feel bad or anything, we are just like best friends. i put aside whatever im feeling and am just there for her and help her. i guess i wonder if by just being friends, in a few years we'll get back together or something... i dont know what to do.

 

i feel its my fault we cant be friends, when im ok, we're fine. she wants to be friends but i guess is waiting for me. but im use to us always being together now she has a new b/f, his frat friends, and now shes in a sorority (which is fine) but i dont see any time for me.

[NJRon]

I'm sorry you're in pain right now. However, you're not compatible if one of you wants to be together and the other doesn't. I would find that a deal breaker in my book and a near definition of incompatible. She made her choice and now she has to live the consequences. That means no more relieving her guilt by trying to keep some sort of friendship going.

 

Do yourself a favor and write this off and go NC for 60 days. Just try it for 60 days and see how you feel then. Find some other friends. You are in college. It's the best time to find friends. She lost the right to friendship when she broke up with you.

 

If it's meant to be, it will be. There is nothing you can do about her, you can only control yourself. So, start by not continuing to drag yourself through this pain and try and move on.

[Riggz41510]

Its no way you guys can be friends right now.. Not only will it be hard for you, its also not fair too you.. She basically gets to keep you around while she dates this "new guy" and she kind of has you as a fall guy..

 

Go NC it does help.. It will be hard but it does help!! Make her live with her decision. I know its easier said than done, but all you can do is give it try..

 

Nothing beats a try like a try!!!

[heloladies21]

i guess i wonder if by just being friends, in a few years we'll get back together or something

This is very common wrong thinking that has been proven wrong so many times that it's ridiculous. Just hanging around in the background as her "friend" will never bring her back to you, it's just not the way girls work.

 

Best thing you could do is to have one final talk with her where you let her know what's going on with you, how the friendship is hurting you, that you want to get back together right now, and if you get anything other than an "I want to get back together with you too right now", you need to understand it as a "no", and then cut contact as keeping in touch with her is keeping the wound open, giving you false hope that you'll get back together, and preventing you from moving on. The emotions of friendship and romantic interest are not interchangable.