Is he just friends???

[Goldfish6888]

Okay, this is subsequent to a previous post about a work colleague I really have fallen for.

 

It took him to take two weeks holidays that made me realise I definitely felt something for him.

 

This feeling has been slowly building for about 6 months.

 

Anyway, his problem is he is just formally separated from his wife and has two lovely kids. My girlfriends feel that he is a bad candidate to get involved with, because of this baggage...

 

But I feel that everyone deserves second chances. I would have no problem with him having two young girls.

 

We kind of make excuses to see each other - like coffee or a spot of lunch. One sat we had arranged to meet and I cancelled at the last minute - he drove all the way out to my house and we ended up going out for a walk down the pier and had a lovely dinner outside. He said to me "I really enjoyed our day out."

 

I then had backed off a little....but last Friday, he asked me for coffee after work as he said didn't want to drink and go to the pub with everyone else...

 

Anyway, I went for coffee with him and he then said he was going to call his friend - Clive to see if he would come in and meet us....

 

Now he had previously mentioned that Clive "is free and ready to settle down" and me and him might like each other. He talks about loving to go see a fortune teller and He says "why don't me and you go next Wed"? I say okay, its a date and put it into my diary. Then I say I'm over his area on Friday at a BBQ and he says "drop by if you are in the area"! Another invite! All signs that he wants to see me outside of work.

 

Anyway, his friend, Clive comes in and I chat to him - we get on well. Then my work colleague comes back and we all stayed chatting for an hour.

 

This morning my colleague calls me...he says our date with fortune teller on Wed is cancelled due to work meetings, I shrug it off as not important anyway and said I had other plans anyway - no big deal.

 

He then says Clive was impressed meeting me - "did I like him?"...I responded with "maybe" and he said " I don't think you do" and left it at that. Then I send him an email and say "yes I do like Clive and would like to meet him - here's my number - give it to him!" My colleague responds with "I'll see if he wants to go surfing?" Now I went surfing this weekend - but whats that got to do with him giving him my phone number for a date????

 

I respond to my colleague "well me and Clive could just go for a jog down the pier...and he responds with " "he's not as fast as me on a jog down the pier."

 

So I see I'm not getting anywhere with this fast.

 

I know my colleague doesn't want to meet "the one" as his friend Clive already stated this on Friday. Am I wasting my time here????

 

If his light is not on??? Its all very mixed signals....and its really annoying me...now...

 

Maybe I should just date Clive, the friend and make him jealous...it kind of appears to be working???

 

Help Advice please!!

[vandgsmom]

Well... he is obviously in a very bad and confusing place in his life right now.

 

Think about it: Your marriage is on the outs, you have two kiddos that you are conptemplating depriving from a full-time dad, you aren't even totally divorced, and there is a woman at the office you might feel something for, but you are horribly guilted and conflicted for feeling that way.

 

So--he trys to set you up with a friend to solve the situation for himself and you don't take the bait.... what do you do?

 

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

 

I know the dating world is hard, and that you like this guy, but for his and your own good, I think this is one to pass up on.

 

Maybe if you just hang loose and are still available in a few months when he is further down the road with his own situation he will be in a better place to reconcile himself with his feelings for you (if he has them, even).

 

I would NOT recommend, however using his friend to make him jealous. That is mean and spiteful to both men, and in the end will only kill the chance of him maybe being interested later if he sees you doing his friend wrong, OR if he sees you just doing his friend.....

 

MY RECOMMENDATION: move along with your life. find another crush. look just as smart and sexy and independent as you always do and later on, if the time is right (and it ISN'T now) then he will make the move. If he dosen't, be armed for the possibility with several leads on other good men....

 

Good Luck!

[Goldfish6888]

Thanks for your response!!! However, it's not like his marriage only broke up last week - its been over for about a year and a half now -

 

I would say you are right - that he doesn't want to have any feelings for anyone at the moment - I guess the true test is if he gives my number to Clive. If he really really liked me - he wouldn't be able to do that or would avoid that??

 

I would like to meet Clive again. Clive is attractive, fit, athletic and really successful in his career...and has no baggage - so why not?

 

I'm going to pass up on my colleague anyway. So maybe I should just go for it with him? Then it's just plain tough luck, down the road - if my colleague suddenly realises toooo late, that he had fallen for me and I've fallen for his friend.

 

Hmmm...dating is tough.....and why don't we get to choose the ones we fall for....

[Goldfish6888]

Well, Apparently he is going to give my number to Clive. I will let you know how it all pans out. I really really like this other guy though. My work colleague reckons I should just come clean on my feelings with him. but I don't want to scare him off entirely.

 

She does think he has feelings for me, as she works 6 foot away from both of us in the office.

 

I wish I didn't fall for the ones I should'nt fall for!