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my close call


celticghirl
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i looked back on when i tried to kill myself. it was after my ex raised his hand on me. used me as a punchbag. i remember glancing at the bruises all over my body and i felt soo weak and pathetic.

 

i couldnt understand why i didnt stop him. why i still loved him despite that. is it true what he said? am i really worthless? would no other person love me? maybe it was my fate. this is how i am going to be living my life now. i am going to be his doormat and i cant do a thing about it.

 

i got a box of paracetamol and a bottle of vodka. i started taking the pills and i began to lose track of how many i had. i was crying, thinking that death was a better option than the life that i was destined for. i looked up and i saw a picture of me and my mum. "oh my god, what the hell am i doing?" i staggered to the bathroom and i vomited. forced it all out.

 

i sat on the bathroom floor crying. how could i be soo selfish? this would kill my mum who i love soo much. what about my brother and sister and my dad?

 

i shiver when i think about that. that was one of my weakest moments. i think about what couldve happened. i would be dead. i am glad i didnt die. i am glad i saw sense. i am thankful for everything and the fact that i have a second chance. i didnt let my ex get one over me. i am here, alive and well.

 

i am strong.

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its a large part of what keeps me on the top side of this earth today... is the thought of friends and family and how they would be devestated... sometimes it doesn't feel like enough but when i imagine people feeling as bad as i do sometimes i would never want them to feel the same...

im glad your here... lousy boyfriends should have to feel as weak as you did... it takes a very small man to hurt someone... it take a big person to make a lady feel special...

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Hi celticghirl,

 

Your story and thought processesses are inspiring: abuse > self hate > guilt > hope > action > better life.

 

Have you read the loser article?, at the end is a link to the Stockholm syndrome which explains why people attach to abusers.

 

Please do not hesitate to seek counseling to deal with all that trauma, keeping things bottled up tends to worsen life's choices.

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. i am thankful for everything and the fact that i have a second chance. i didnt let my ex get one over me. i am here, alive and well.

 

i am strong.

 

celticghirl YOU WIN!

thats the what counts here, you had an X from hell, he soulds like the lowerst of the low a real scum bag. To do that to another human being just so he could feel better, a weak sad little man. Theres you beat up broken looking to the void and you found you way back.

 

Your X will be as he is now until the day he dies or faces what you faced.

 

You how ever came back from the darkest of dark and are here to tell us.

 

Me and many here have been there we know what its like, me I look back an know as long as I never get that bad im ok.

 

Knowing there is a place I will never go to again gives me home.

 

As for you, YOU WIN! you are stronger and deep down better than your x will ever be.

 

Well done and have a hug.

 

Spugly

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thank you nottoogreen and spugly. your words are very touching. i am very happy and it has been a long time coming. i could only dream of the happiness i have now but i am glad to say its a reality.

 

thank you for your advice on the counselling idea nottoogreen. my boyfriend jack has mentioned it and i think we will go together sometime soon.

 

i will never be that weak again and if i ever find myself in a weak moment, i will know never to take a step which will hurt the people i love.

 

thank you again

 

leah

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Hey there celticghirl, go you! Just like in the PM's hehe...

 

Sign of fate? Possibly?.. Maybe it was just destiny...

 

How glad are you now that you saw sense and never took that final step of ending your own precious life, and mine would be less fulfilling because I wouldn't have someone to make me laugh all the time via text in all the time I spend on here hehe. You make me totally addicted huh?

 

I think it was a sign from God that you were meant to take down your ex who treated you so badly. Look who's talking now huh? Kick him in the nuts girl.

 

Previously I truly felt for you, but I don't understand what it is like to go through something like that, of course I imagine it would be devestating. You know i'm surprised your boyfriend never broke one of his limbs, because I know plenty of guys that would, what a gutless piece of crap to treat a way that your ex did.

 

You have risen up to him and made so much of a better life for yourself and your future is so bright and your possibilities are endless, and you have become a totally cool chick. I love you and I think your awesome

 

Take care, talk soon.

 

PR

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