Help... Please advise. Battle between ego, pride, and my heart.

[Jordan5571]

UPDATED: 8/24/06. SCROLL TO LAST PAGE. TRUST ME, IT'S A GOOD THING And I need a bit of advise on approaching this new girl.

 

 

 

 

___________________________________________

 

 

 

Jordan, California, 25… Sorry this is so long. You don't have to read it. It just flowed out because I knew what I wanted to say. Thanks for reading.

 

Ok. This is my first time here, I see that there are a lot of nice people here who seem to really know what they are talking about. Now I need some advice….

 

Typically, I am a very strong person. But this has taken a toll on me over the last week and a half and is showing potential to mess me up for a very long time.

 

I met this girl in the last place I ever thought I would, and believe me she wasn’t my type and I was not hers (then again, our type must not have worked in the past). We hung out and the relationship moved very fast. We loved each other very much. I am 25 and so is she. We moved in together after 8 months. It turned out great, a year after that we were saying how great it was and how glad we were that we moved in. She is my best friend and I am hers. She used to flat out tell me that she wanted to marry me and wanted to have children with me (you think this would scare a 25 year old guy who has never settled down, but it didn’t. I did want to marry her). Everything was great. The only complaint we had was time. I worked days, she worked nights. We both had Sundays off to hang out. And some weekday nights. I know this is unhealthy. But I loved this girl. We seemed to always communicate, had a great time always, and never really fought. We had a disagreement here or there, but I can count on one hand how many times we have been really upset at each other over the past two years.

 

Less than two weeks ago, while we were talking on the phone (5 times a day for the past two years, almost two years), she said she was confused and started crying. This is when the emotional mind * * * * began.

 

Obviously, she is confused, and being her best friend and her boyfriend, I wanted to help her through this. I know she was going through a lot of stress that she has not ever experienced. Training to be manager at her work (55 hours a week, 5 days), getting stressed out because she is going to squeeze 15+ units of her last semester into her 2 days off. This means not a day off for 4 months. I told her I am by her side and will support her the whole way through it. And that she is the strongest person I know and will get through this in no time. She seemed happy of my support. She said that she is afraid because people have warned her that there has never been a manger at this restaurant who has ever been able to keep a relationship. She said people tell her its cursed. Told me if I didn’t want her to go through this, that she wouldn’t. What? Like I am going to tell her not to follow her dream of owning her own restaurant and managing this one that she has been at for 5 years? She would resent me forever if I did that (I think). So I supported her.

 

When I got this call, this screwed me up because it was out of the blue for me. I was happy, I thought she was happy, and two weeks ago we got back from a mini vacation in Vegas and she told me that she was happy and wanted to marry me.

 

The next few days we cried together trying to help her figure things out. We came to the conclusion that she needed some space. I gave it to her. I let her sleep out and I slept out as well.

 

Here’s where it begins: After the first night, she calls me to tell me that she wants to work it out and wants to be with me forever. I was happy to hear that. She said she was coming home (from her parents) that night ******* ( I will comment on this a little farther down). When she got home, she was more confused than when she left. I tried to talk about it with her, be open and have the best interests in mind for her despite how it made me feel. All she could say is that she doesn’t know. I asked if it would be easier if we broke up, she said no and started crying. Said she doesn’t want me to leave her.

 

The next morning she was happy. That same day was the same, she was confused. I slept out for a few nights. On Tuesday, she called me crying asking me to come outside of my office. I did and she was very passionate and upset. She said she would do anything for us. She said she will quit her job and move away with me. I felt better. But I told her that all of this back and forth worries me. “I love you, but take a few days to keep the same opinion. I don’t want to come home tonight to find out that you are confused again about us and cant talk it out with me”. I told her we will talk on Saturday. That was her next day off.

 

It turned out she had Thursday off instead of Saturday and asked me to come home. I could see it in her eyes that things were not right. She didn’t even talk, I did. We sat down and I said “you don’t want to be with me anymore, do you?” She cried. I asked her to please just be honest with me. She said that she was sorry. (I literally felt my heart rip into two.) I said it would make things easier if she could talk to me. All she could say is that she doesn’t know. Then finally said it just hasn’t felt right lately and doesn’t feel right anymore.

 

I wasn’t mad at her. She was my best friend and I loved her. And I wanted to help her through this, because I know she still loves me. And this is so sudden, especially for telling me she wants to marry me still, I wanted to help her. I was really proud how I handled it all week. I was rational, not emotional when speaking with her, and I was always on her side to help her.

 

BUT…. Something did not seem right still. How could this happen this quick. I asked her if she met another guy. She said no. I said “are you sure”, she nodded while crying. I always believed her, but for some reason I didn’t. I asked her to swear on my life, she said she couldn’t. Then I told her to be honest with me, and not to have me ask her to swear on my life to get the truth. She said she met him at work. And that he has been calling her for a month. And that she went out with him on Sunday for coffee, and Wednesday. Well we weren’t even broken up on Sunday and that was the very same day that she said she wanted to be with me forever and that she was coming strait home to me. * * *???

 

Well, there goes my great way of handling this and I let my emotion get the best of me. I stormed out of there mad.

 

She called me on the phone as I was crying in the car (yeah, weird, for a strong guy, I certainly cry a lot over her… . She said she wanted me to know she isn’t leaving me for another guy. I yelled at her. Told her I didn’t care. That she should have just been honest with me. Not lying to me. And talking to this guy for a month? Seeing him behind my back? Who is this? I told her I wanted her out of my life. All she could say is that she was sorry and that she never wanted to hurt me. Thanks for that!

 

I came to my senses and called her a few hours later to tell her that I am sorry I said those things and that I appreciate her finally telling me.

 

So we are broken up. I can hardly hold my head up. I am not getting any work done. And to make it worse, WE STILL HAVE A LEASE TOGETHER…. And furniture, and pets, ect…

 

My family told me to swallow my ego and pride and fight for what I want. I told them, if she will do this once, she will do it again. I cant think that every time she gets stressed she is going to lie to me and * * * * with my head. I cant handle this pain.

 

The next night, I decided to fight for what I want. We had a relationship that everyone envied and I think we will regret this. I waited for her to get off of work. I told her everything, (I even wrote it down so I wouldn’t forget), and I fought for her. I found ways that I neglected her, found ways that I can do things differently. Even committed to quitting my job and getting a night job. For the first time through out this roller coaster, she seemed less confused. I was so passionate and not taking no for an answer. I believe in us. She was not interested… She said this is what she needs, to move out. And live on her own. Finally, I said ok. I love her, and I want to give her what she wants. She said that I should know that she appreciates me. That I did everything right. And that she remembers that one of her hardest days, how I went out an bought a easel and paint set and set it up so when she got home from work, she could get her mind off things. And that when she had a migraine, I would run a bath and get a magazine, wine a flowers, so she could relax.

 

Two days latter she called me to tell me that she missed me. (???) I said thank you, and I miss you too.

 

Then Monday, I took the day off to handle some stuff and went to my psychologist (previous depression). He boosted my medicine and I feel much better. I get home to change for work to make the end of the day, and she was home… We talked for a few minutes. I put on a happy face to make things easier on her. She knows how I feel, a few days ago I was crying and telling her that I would do anything for her to believe in us as she did two weeks ago. She shed a tear and said that she misses me. We ended up spending the rest of the day together. She asked if we could stay the night together. I said sure. I was genuinely happy to see her. We had dinner. We had some laughs. But it was awkward because there is something important for us to talk about and she will not talk about it. We started for a few seconds and she said she didn’t want to talk about it. She slept next to me in our bed. Asked me to hold her. She kissed me on the cheek and cried a little more. I told her that I wanted to kiss her (based on all of the signs I could see that she wanted us back), all of the sudden she turns her back to me. I went outside calmly and had a cigarette. Then she came out and kissed me * * *??? I made the best of the night that I could. I didn’t make her sad nor I complain. She asked me not to turn in the final notices to the building that we are moving out. She asked me to wait a little bit. And smiled at me.

 

As usal, I woke up at 5:30 am, got dressed for work, gave her a kiss on the forehead. She gave me a hug and said she loved me.

 

That was Monday night. It is Wednesday, and I have not heard from her since. The girls house at which she was staying at the past few nights, called me last night to see if she was there. So now I am worried about her. She is probably with that other guy, I don’t know.

 

Did I forget to mention that a month ago, supposedly when all of this started in her head before Vegas, that her mom called her and told her that she is contemplating leaving her dad? That she met another guy who pays more attention to her? Strange coincidence.

 

Now I am sad, mad and worried at the same time… I put down my ego and pride even after the lie and the other guy. I believe she is having the battle of her life in her head right now. But I don’t know if I should keep fighting. This is killing me. And I feel like an * * * for taking it. I really am a great guy.

 

Please advise.

 

Thank you.

 

Impatiently waiting,

 

Jordan

[rose2summer]

Jordan,

Welcome to enotalone! With regards to your story, this is not appropriate, she is stringing you along while she figures out if she wants to develop something with this other guy. You are an attractive guy (your picture), and you seem to have a strong head on your shoulders, walk away. She is confused right now, and may very well be getting a little close to this other man, while you wait and wonder. Her mom is contemplating leaving her dad and she followed the lead. Do you want to wait around and be toyed with, I think not. Save yourself some heartache and walk away and don't look back. I realize that is easier said than done, but with time your feelings will subside for her. You live in Sherman Oaks, there are many surrounding cities with woman who don't carry this type of drama, take some time for you to heal, and then explore for a better model.

[Jordan5571]

Thanks, Rose2Summer.

 

I know I should. I was ready too. But there is somthing that was holding me back (besides the long process of moving out and selling furniture). She told me that shes not seeing him (probably a lie) (that said I dont trust her anymore). My family loves her with me so much they are pushing me to keep trying. And the last thing is that I have never met a drama free girl. One who responds they way that you would expect (since we dont know girls and are often supprissed by reactions).

 

But, I know you are right. So does my brain. And hopefully, this is something that I can take a step in the right direction and not wait for her to figure out what she wants. I should turn in those notices to move out, despite her asking me to wait and string me along.

 

Thanks for your reply.

[Süsser Tod]

As I see this, she is having her cake and eating it too.

 

All she can give you now is more and more heartache, if you keep goinb back to her you'll get more of the same, if you walk away, it will hurt, but it will slowly get better. I would rater have the later than the former, you're a good looking guy, so it won't be hard for you to find someone that truly appreciates you down the road.

 

I think you should actually get yourself to swallow your pride and ego and walk away (fighting for her was ego driven).

[Süsser Tod]

I know I should. I was ready too. But there is somthing that was holding me back (besides the long process of moving out and selling furniture). She told me that shes not seeing him (probably a lie) (that said I dont trust her anymore). My family loves her with me so much they are pushing me to keep trying. And the last thing is that I have never met a drama free girl. One who responds they way that you would expect (since we dont know girls and are often supprissed by reactions).

 

 

She slept right next to you, without any sex phisical contact??? Big blinking red flag. She is not only seeing the other guy, and she has already lied to you, so get your own conclusions.

 

 

Of course, it is only my opinion. Take it from where it came, a nameles scary clown But I was always teached to think about the worse.

[rose2summer]

Thanks, Rose2Summer.

She told me that shes not seeing him (probably a lie) (that said I dont trust her anymore).

Yes, probably a lie. Why would she start seeing him and then stop. If you like chocolate (him) and also like pistachio (you), and you can eat them both as much as you want, why give up either of them, string them both along. Take your pistachio icecream and give it to someone who is worthy. Let me tell you, any time you doubt someone is cheating, they probably are, well, that was my case at least.

My family loves her with me so much they are pushing me to keep trying. And the last thing is that I have never met a drama free girl. One who responds they way that you would expect (since we dont know girls and are often supprissed by reactions).

I know of many drama-free woman, they are out there.

But, I know you are right. So does my brain. And hopefully, this is something that I can take a step in the right direction and not wait for her to figure out what she wants. I should turn in those notices to move out, despite her asking me to wait and string me along.

Don't wait for her, walk away, it shows pride in yourself. She isn't a good catch if she is dragging you along like that. As others said, you are an attractive guy, and will have no problems meeting other women, when the rigth time comes, after you are completely over the breakup.

[Siriana]

Well you are really a great guy. You sound stabile, mature, responsible.So, bravo for beeing like that. There are not so many guys like you. Especcialy at your age.

 

As I was reading your post - before you even mentioned this new guy - I was preparing myself to ask you is there a new guy, is she not beeing completely honest But you were smart enough to see that by yourself.

 

She is confused. Like you said. From my female point of view she is confused because she is torned between taking that risk of starting something with someone new or staying on the familiar teritory.

 

I suggest you to be very cautious in this situation. You must avoid at all costs to make it easier for her to have the best of the both worlds: your emotional support that gives her security and new guy that gives her excitement. (but I guess you are aware of that)

It is very hard to do the following: not helping her in sorting her emotional mess. She has to be alone and scared and missing you in order to see how important for her you really are.

 

You are already doing the best you can-as I understood she hasn't called and you haven't called back. That's good. She will call. I guess with a decision (if she doesn't have a decision be smart and don't let her dragging the situation for too long).

If she's crying, whining etc tell her that you know she is having a hard time but that she has to sort it out by herself. That you offered her to be by her side if she chooses to work on your relationship. But that she has to make that choice by herself. Be nice toward her but firm in your decision.

 

Than start sorting yourself out. When you are in less pain there is a huge chance she will change her mind, but than you will have doubts. And I must say you will have every reason to do so.

She went to grab a coffie several times with this guy, and she slept by your side without having sex with you. I guess that always pessimistic susser tod was right - this is a red flag that tells about her state of mind.

Whatever happens between the two of you do only what is in your interest in getting better and healing you heart. This must be your prority. Even if he chooses you after all this mess I guess you woan't be able to continue where you stopped youst like that.

 

I am really sorry you're in pain and it is nice to know that there are man in this world who know how to cry.

 

Keep us posted and stay strong.

And welcome on enotalone.

[Jordan5571]

Everyones advice is great... I said the same thing a moment ago to my mom. She said this is my future and to give it time. But I feel the same way. I feel like I am being played...

 

Maybe this is Karma for my girl mistakes when growing up.

[Jordan5571]

Ok, so I just called her a moment ago to make sure that she was safe. She said she was sorry she didnt call, I told her it doesnt matter, she is not required to call. She said she will be home tonight. I got off quick. I know I sounded a bit angry.

 

That is the way I am right now by the way, angry.

 

Here is what I am going to do assuming that I see her. I am going to tell her that we need to talk. If she pulls this I dont want to talk stuff, then I will tell her to just listen.

 

Everything that was said in the posts above. I am going to tell her how I think she is playing me. Even though we are broken up (past 5 days), by her telling me that she misses me, sleeping next to me asking me to hold her, AND asking me not to turn in the 30 day moving out notice just yet.

 

I am going to tell her that for all I know, based on how honest she has been, she is playing me and that other guy, trying to have both until she makes up her mind. That is crap...

 

I will talk nice. I will ask her to talk to me and not to string me along. Even if we did get back together, it would never be the same becuase i will always have doubt in my mind that she will do this again. If she says nothing, I will tell her that her lack of responce is enough for both of us. And I will be turning in the notice the next morning.

 

Any thoughts?

 

Oh, one more thing, there is this girl I used to have a crush on (I havent talked to her in a year), my friend Kim is seeing her tonight to get her haircut, then drinks afterword. Should I go and see if I still like this girl, OR, should I get an answer tonight from my gf or ex gf?

[rose2summer]

Meet your ex in a public place. You don't want her to pull the moves and end up sleeping together, it will make the break-up that much more complicated. Talk to her about what you need to in order to get closure, but don't let it get farther because she is clearly playing with you if she has another guy on the side. In terms of Kim, why not hang out with her, but don't do so until you are clear about your intentions with your now ex.

[Iceman26]

Hey dude, my hat is off to you for dealing with things as well as you have been. I am also sorry to hear what you have been going through.

 

The biggest thing that caught my attention is what your parents are telling you what to do. They shouldn't be backing someone that is messing with you the way she is. Fight for her? You didn't do anything wrong! She is the messed up one. If I were in that situation mom would have told me to have this girl hit the road.

 

I'd go out and have fun with those girls, and clear your head a little bit.

 

You have done enough for this girl. If anything, she should start doing for you with the crap you have put with. You deserve to be treated much better.

[Siriana]

Be carefull not to make this kim girl a rebound. You are hurt she will definitely get hurt if you start seeing her. Give it a little bit more time. I mean, yes, go out, have fun, bot don't end up in a new relationship so soon.

[cherriecheek]

this sounds like a situation where if you pull away and initate NC, she will come back because of missing you....

 

then you two will get back together, and once the "missing" factor is gone, she'll be "confused" again and start this whole process will repeat itself.

 

 

i've been on both sides of this situation. i admit i played the "confused" card because i was afraid to be alone and i was waiting for someone better to come along and i didnt want him to find someone before me. which from what i read in your post, her reactions/responces are strickingly similar to how i treated my ex...

 

with experience and growth, i know this definitely is not the way to break up with someone. you do not deserve to be handled and played this way

 

on the other hand, i had the exact same card played on me about 2 months ago. after a year of dating my bf, he started saying how confused he was and blah blah.....well i went right into NC and this break up turned out a hell of a lot better than the past.

 

my advice to you is MOVE ON. there shouldnt be a gray area. either you want someone or you dont. everything else is just games.

 

i hope this helped...feel free to PM me if you want me to go into further detail about either side of this situation.

[Momene]

Sorry, don't have time to read the other replies but she must not have any contact with this other guy as a precondition to any discussion about you getting back together.

[Jordan5571]

Ok, here is an update. Yesterday I was so mad all day. This is the first time I was very angry at the situation (part of the grieving process).

 

Even though I had to get up this morning at 5:00 am, I was still up at 11:30 when she came home. I told her we need to talk. She tried to pull this I don’t want to talk stuff. I told her, fine, just listen. I said what I had to say. And for the first time, I believe she was honest with me.

 

She told me what she was feeling. She told me that it really disturbs her that she has been thinking about other guys. She said its not fair to me, or her. She said she loves me and really wants to be with me forever, just she is not sure. I dug deeper. I asked her to swear on my life and hers, she did stay at a girls house from work. She said she absolutely has not kissed a guy or anything else. She said that guy from coffee, she is sorry for lieing to me. She did not know why or how, but she felt she had to meet him. She said don’t worry, he was an a$$hole and she never met him again after the second coffee (which was after we broke up).

 

She said the reason (she volunteered this), I can not bare to sleep next to you is because I know how lucky I am to have you and that you are the greatest guy I know, yet I am hurting you. And all in all, it makes it hard for me to follow through with this. I know you want me to be more stable. And if we are ever to get back together, this needs to be done and explored or it will go right back to the way it was, wondering if this is true. She said maybe if it was true, she wouldn’t be wondering. I agree…

 

Long story short, after much digging, and telling her that I do not care what she tells me or what the outcome is right now, I just want her to be honest with me and tell me whats on her mind. No more of this I don’t know ish…

 

She said she wants to date other people. She said she wants me to move out (ya think). After me asking many questions to lead her to saying whats truly on her mind, she said she knows there is not better out there than me. I told her that I know there is someone out there better than her, who will appreciate me more, ect…. I told her I hope she finds the same. She then said that she truly thinks this is temporary. That she still imagines us starting over and dating but not living together. I cleared that up. I told her you never know. But most likely, after an ordeal like this, after moving out, after you lieing to me, its over. She started crying. She said she wants me to wait for her, but she understands my position and hopes I understand hers.

 

At the end of the conversation, for some reason, I was not mad. In fact, I wasn’t even that sad. It was like I had my best friend back. Although the second I move out, NC will go into play until I am 100% over this and hopefully with a girl who is better.

 

Ok, now, does anyone have any cute, good girl friends in LA? Hehe

 

Thanks everyone, I do feel closure. You all helped.

 

Thank you.

[Momene]

Well done for sticking to your guns. She wants to date other people but keep you waiting in the wings. No way!

[Jordan5571]

Lol.... that was one of the reasons people said we were made for each other. Its like a zoo in our apartment. Need to decide who gets custody. And the one handful pet, who gets the privilege of not keeping...

 

It is true what I said. Maybe it is just a good day. My thought is after I move out, no contact. I truly felt comfort in hanging out with her last night. I know she didn’t want to talk about it. And I could see that every question I asked (you could see me starting to smile while asking for a reason) her started to annoy her. But I really didn’t care, because for the moment, every question I asked her really made me feel better. Not depressing stuff, just trying to get her to talk to me like she used to. I told her that she said she wants to make this easier on me, than keep talking to me, its nice to be able to talk to my best friend again.

 

This will make it hard to go no contact. All I asked from her (probably unreasonable if we really are friends) was to hold off on dating new people until I move out. Also, to let me meet the new roommate, I need to make sure you are going to be safe. She agreed.

 

I do not know if she is telling me that she really believes that this is temporary. Or if I tell her it can never be the same either way. I will admit it is comforting to think we will be together. Not because of every reason people list in their sorrow, but because I truly was happy with only her. What would truly feel good (sorry to sound spiteful) is if after a month or so of NC, she realizes her mistake and asks to come back, and I will have moved on. That sounds bad. Another trick right now to comforting me, is I tell myself this is temporary until I am 29. Because I do not want to get married prior to 30 (I am 25). My thought is after 4 years, if I am still upset over her, than i will fight again for her. The longest depression stage I ever had was 2 years. That’s because there was no closer and she dropped off of the face of the earth. Not even a breakup phone call. This way, I have the comfort of feeling it is temporary, and the smarts to know that there is no way I am not going to meet a girl who has the traits of her that i liked (hard find, she was drama free, low mainantace, model gorgeous, and reacted the way a guy would want when they did someonthing completely out of the ordinary for no reason just to make them happy, like a single rose on the pillow, or running a bath for her because she had a headache), and someone who appreciates me more, a lot more, or at least makes it more clear...

 

So for now, I feel good.

 

A new problem thought. Remember that girl I told you about, Kim’s friend, who I used to know in High School. Well, since her name was mentioned the other day, and since I thought she was adorable when my gf/ex went to Kim's wedding. I am thinking about her a lot. I have been trying to find a myspace of her or anything. I am beginning to feel like a stalker. I want to contact her, go to her salon and ask for a haircut even though it was cut last week , however, i do not want it to be any part of a rebound. She may not even like me. But I do not want to take a chance and find that I cannot stay ok about what’s going on like I am now. The last time I hesitated with this girl in High School, she met another guy and was with him for 6 years.

 

Is it safe to see if she wants to hang out, even just as friends, or take the chance and wait?

 

By the way, thanks to everyone who has helped and who has pointed out that I am a really good guy. I appreciate that. I do believe that I am and that I handled this very well and mature. But it feels ten times better to have people who I have never met, point out and tell me that I seem like a good guy. Thanks.

[Iceman26]

Why not talk to your friend Kim and see if you guys can all go out or something?

[Jordan5571]

That was the plan last night since Kim was seeing her (only sees her once a few months now a days). But there was three issues, one I haven’t slept in days and had to be up at 5:00 am, two, there were planning on drinking at the same restaurant where my girl works. Kim came up with a backup plan to go to a different restaurant instead, and the one she suggested is the same one her and her friends go to after work.... That and I really needed to get answers that night to feel a little better. I was no longer going to support her with leaving me without explanation. So I made a choice...

 

Now I think its up to me. I think it would be awkward if Kim sets up a gathering when that’s out of their norm, and I called while she was getting her haircut and it was obvious I was asking questions about this girl.

 

So I think I need to do something. Even if it is to just get a new friend. I can admit I don’t have many friends now because I was content in only hanging out with my girlfriend.

 

-------------

 

Should I do a walk-in in her salon and ask for a haircut. And kind of admit (hoping to be cute, not creepy) that I didnt need a haircut and just wanted to talk to her?

 

lol...

[Iceman26]

Should I do a walk-in in her salon and ask for a haircut. And kind of admit (hoping to be cute, not creepy) that I didnt need a haircut and just wanted to talk to her?

 

lol...

 

You know, I don't see why not. It isn't like you have anything to lose. Worst case scenario is that you get another haircut.

 

I might ask your friend if that would be a good idea, since she knows her a little better than you do.

[rose2summer]

You're doing great Jordan. Keep up the great progress. With time your feelings for her will subside and you will feel happy and meet someone such as Kim who will make your heart beat a little faster. Although we seem to get attached to our ex's, if there are 6.5 billion people in the world, and you say there is no other like her, there are actually 6,500 of her out in the world. So no worries, you will find someone who is a "hard find, she was drama free, low mainantace, model gorgeous, and reacted the way a guy would want when they did someonthing completely out of the ordinary." Just be patient and just enjoy your time alone for now.

[rose2summer]

You know, I don't see why not. It isn't like you have anything to lose. Worst case scenario is that you get another haircut.

 

I might ask your friend if that would be a good idea, since she knows her a little better than you do.

Wear a wig and get that cut. Iceman, he is going to get all of his hair cut off if he gets another one. Ha Ha!

[Jordan5571]

Thank you! I just hope it lasts...

 

As for the haircut, Kim's friend, I thought it would be obvious if she cuts my hair, then I come back in the next day for another one. Then a touch up!

[rose2summer]

Thank you! I just hope it lasts...

As for the haircut, Kim's friend, I thought it would be obvious if she cuts my hair, then I come back in the next day for another one. Then a touch up!

Ha Ha! That is rather funny. She might be quite amused, but flattered to say the least.

[Jordan5571]

So, is it time for an update?

 

I don't remember where we left off. I could read it, but I wanted to ask advise real quick (don't worry, it does not have to do with fighting for something that is obviously should not be fought for anymore). Although I do have a lot of respect for her, she could not have made this any easier for me. Thats a nice change. She is really trying everything not to hurt me anymore than she has.

 

First of all, I am doing better. Each day seemed a little harder actually. We couldn’t do NC because we still live with each other and we are scheduling time for who is staying where and who is keeping what. She says that she is really sad, and misses me. Says that she can’t stay with me because she is too sad. She still cannot communicate with me. She still goes back on what she says in a matter of hours.

 

It’s ok. As much as it hurts, I believe things will be better this way. It is just a matter of my heart believing it. Although I felt very safe with her, and she has a natural beauty that is unmatched, it doesn’t make up for the fact that she makes me feel second best all of the sudden. As well not communicating or trying to work for something as soon as a problem occurred.

 

We have the place until the 20th of September. I decided on Monday that this is retarded and I will make this easier for both of us. I am moving out this weekend. I told her and she got sad. I asked her why? She said because that means it’s final. I said "what did you think the past three weeks of not talking to me, not staying with me, telling me you want to see other guys...ect was not a hint that this is final"? Also, I told her that after the day I am out, please keep your distance on the phone. If you need me, absolutely need me, you can call. Otherwise I do not want to talk anymore, or be friends. She cried and asked why we can’t be friends. I told her it is because this is the hardest time I have ever gone through, and for the past three weeks, she has not been a friend. Has not asked how I am doing. Or how things are outside of the breakup. I told her she hasn’t been a friend for weeks, why would I expect her to be in 3 months.

 

So as much as it hurts, I am out as of Saturday (I am not sure how, I am one man trying to move an entire apartment in one day..... I didn’t think of that). But it must be done.

 

Every girlfriend I have ever had this type of pain with, jumped into a relationship immediately. I know it helped them not think of me and made them get over me immediately, even though none of their relationships worked out. I am not saying I am ready to jump into a new relationship, but I am open to meeting new people and open to a relationship if its right. After all, I like being in a relationship.

 

Ok, now about that girl, the hairstylist (I sure hope she is not reading this, because I did tell her about this site, this makes me sound stalker-ish).

 

But she cut my hair yesterday. I made sure it was the last appointment of the day so I could see if she wanted to grab dinner or a drink. I over heard her with a girlfriend saying they were going out so I didn’t ask. BUT..... After all of the being who I am, smiling, a little flirting, I could see I won over the salon. At the end, I asked how much? She said FREE... She said that my friend Kim paid for it. I argued and she convinced me. I said well at least let me take care of gratuity. She said no and that my friend took good care of her. I looked at the owner, and she suggested flowers. I thanked her for the great haircut and I was on my way. (I saw them smiling as I left).

 

I called my friend, she knew nothing of this. So I guess that’s a good sign. Giving me a free haircut, blaming it on a friend so that it’s non shalont (however you spell that word)....

 

I felt good the rest of the day. Until of course my ex called and said she missed me and is sad that I wont be home anymore to hold her or cuddle. She didn’t ask for me not to go, nor would I stay… But I still didn’t feel that bad after meeting with this girl.

 

So. I am going to send her flowers today. Something small, to her work. To thank her. AND call her out on the free haircut. Before I send this (reply fast... time is running out) to the florist, let me know if this is cute or corny. Here is what the card will say:

 

A****,

 

Thanks for the haircut. I talked to K*** yesterday, she said she knows nothing about this. So, the way I see it is that I owe you one now. You have two options. Either (A) You let ME give YOU a haircut (free of course), or (B) you hang out with me one of these days after work. Casual I promise. You choose!

 

Thanks, J****

 

PS. K**** (owner) is the one who suggested flowers. We can blame her if this is embarrassing!

 

 

 

 

Let me know your thoughts. Come on Rose2Summer?