Is it possible???

[enolaton]

Just out of curiosity, has anyone ever been in a situation where they were dumped, and the dumper wished to remain friends for genuine reasons? A sort of, 'We weren't good as a couple, but we can be good as friends, even best friends' thing? A situation where the dumper still cares about the dumpee very much and they truly wish to be friends, or is there always an underlying reason (i.e. keeping you on a string)? Obviously, things can't work if one has more feelings then the other.

[Scotcha]

I am still friends with someone I dumped years back. He is the only ex I am friends with but I wanted friendship for genuine reasons as did he. And you are right, it wouldn't have worked if feelings remained. We waited about 6 months after our relationship ended before we began our friendship.

 

In most cases though I find that the reasons for wanting to maintain friendship are selfish. (I'm guilty of this too, along with other ex's. I don't think it is done to be intentionally cruel though.) Sometimes it is to overcome guilt. Mostly I feel it is a way to sort of allow the dumper to ween themselves from the relationship saving themselves from pain and creating even more for the dumpee.

[rose2summer]

Yes, my previous ex and I are very good friends now, we talk to each other and get career advice, since we are in a related field. I ask him for medical advice too and I really like that, it's developed very nicely. When my recent ex and I broke up, I called the previous ex and he was so comforting and talked to me about it daily to help me, because he knows my personality, and he knows how I react, etc, and it was nice having him there. Who knows what the future will bring, but I really respect his friendship. We didn't begin talking again until 4-6months later after the break-up when I called to tell him about a sick family member.

[enolaton]

Ok, in both your cases though, you waited 6 months before you began the friendship. What if the dumper has maintained their want for your friendship from day 1 after the break-up, and throughout other relationships with new boyfriends/girlfriends?

[rose2summer]

Yes, you need time for the romantic feeling to subside. Ignore the dumper's wants, it's what you need, you cannot maintain a stable healthy friendship at all right now, because you will naturally long for them. Leave the thought/desire to be with them for 4-6months and then give them a call, my ex was very welcoming when I called, and he was so happy to give our friendship a chance because we had an incredible amount of things in common.

[enolaton]

Rose,

 

Are there any feelings left between you too. It seems from your post that you wouldn't necessarily disregard the chance for reconciliation if the opportunity presented itself.

 

I guess you can have a lot of things in common, be there for one another, but just not work out as a couple...

[rose2summer]

Well, I love him as a friend, I think he would make an excellent husband for me, except for his temper, but I think that a friendship is what we should leave it at. I don't have any romantic feelings for him, but love him as much as I love my family members, just not romantically.

[heloladies21]

This is a very common thing for a chick dumper to want, but it's never with the pure intention to have a "friendship" in the normal sense of the word.

 

The dumper can do this for a few different reasons. Usually it's due to the guilt of dumping you. At least she can offer you a friendship as a consolation prize to ease your suffering. I personally would never accept a friendship based on sympathy. Sometimes it's to keep the guy around as a backup plan in case things don't work out with the new guy, but this is just false hope. I've never seen it materialize, and even if it did it would only be a temporary patch and the break up would happen again. There are some sadistic ones out there who would keep you around to manipulate you emotionally for their amusement.

 

In any case, for many reasons it's a bad idea to remain friends with an ex after a break up. Romantic and friendship emotions are very distinct and are not interchangable. Trying to force it only leaves the dumped frustrated and unable to move on.