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Opening up too my girl


Riggz41510
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My girlfriend wonders why I don't share everything that's going on in my life? The reason is because she is over emotional.. If I bring an issue to her instead of listening and taking it for what it is, she puts her own spin on things.

 

I have a female friend who was my friend for years now she and my girl are friends. I speak more openly with her(my friend), just because It's easier and I know she isn't listening with a judgmental ear. I can see its starting to bother my girl. It's like she is in a secret competition with my friend. I always try to reinforce that the make up of my relations with my friend is different then the one we have. She feels if I share it with my friend, than I should share it with her.

 

I'm going through a rough patch in my life right now and she feels that I am supposed to come tell her everything that is going on, but I don't always feel like talking about it.. She takes it as a personal attack on her, and its not!!

 

This is the main issue..I have doubts in my mind whether or not my 5 year old daughter with my ex is mines. I'm supposed to do this DNA test(It's been a month) I ordered it, but I've just been scared to do it. I'm trying to explain to my girl that this is the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life and I'm scared of what the results may be. She feels that me being depressed is affecting us. I try to explain that I know it needs to be done, I'm just SCARED!!!

 

I hadn't seen my daughter in almost a month and I went to go see her the other day, my girl got upset because I didn't tell her how the visit went. I just don't feel like talking about it..

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If you are carrying a current gf through the turmoils of drama with an ex (paternity testing, etc), I think it's best you discuss it with her, let her be involved, otherwise she will feel left out and like you are hiding something, maybe hiding a budding relationship with the ex. Involve her somewhat but at your own discretion how much you want to do so.

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If you are carrying a current gf through the turmoils of drama with an ex (paternity testing, etc), I think it's best you discuss it with her, let her be involved, otherwise she will feel left out and like you are hiding something, maybe hiding a budding relationship with the ex. Involve her somewhat but at your own discretion how much you want to do so.

 

 

How can I include her? She knows whats going on. I've talked to her about it already. How much more can I say.. She say I'm walking around acting like nothing is going on. How does she want me too act??

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She wants you to open up. Woman love feelings, we like to express them, men have feelings, don't like to share them, because from childhood men are told that sharing feelings is feminine and not macho (from machisimo). Anyhow, tell her what you are feeling, are you scared she isn't your daughter? What if she isn't, then what? She wants to help and be supportive most likely, so just express your deepfelt emotions/concerns with her.

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She wants you to open up. Woman love feelings, we like to express them, men have feelings, don't like to share them, because from childhood men are told that sharing feelings is feminine and not macho (from machisimo). Anyhow, tell her what you are feeling, are you scared she isn't your daughter? What if she isn't, then what? She wants to help and be supportive most likely, so just express your deepfelt emotions/concerns with her.

 

I've told her all that.. I have even cried on her shoulder.. I don't know what more shew wants me too do??? I did the test and I just haven't mailed it off yet.. I am SO SCARED.. If she isn't mines my world will be torn apart..

 

I've never had to deal with anything like this, so I don't know how to handle it.. I'm just taking it day by day..

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She wants you to say/show in some way what you're feeling. It is important in a relationship to share your thoughts and feelings with your partner rather than going to another female friend to share them with her instead.

 

So - by you not sharing your thoughts/feelings with your girlfriend and instead with someone else, she gets jealous/upset for not sharing with her - the trust part of the relationship gets worse and eventually the relationship will likely end. Simply avoid this unnecessary situation by doing the obvious - share them with her.

 

 

//C.E.

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She wants you to say/show in some way what you're feeling. It is important in a relationship to share your thoughts and feelings with your partner rather than going to another female friend to share them with her instead.

 

So - by you not sharing your thoughts/feelings with your girlfriend and instead with someone else, she gets jealous/upset for not sharing with her - the trust part of the relationship gets worse and eventually the relationship will likely end. Simply avoid this unnecessary situation by doing the obvious - share them with her.

 

 

//C.E.

 

 

I do share a lot with her... She thinks for some reason that my friend knows SO MUCH MORE THAN HER and that's not the case..

 

Like I've said I have cried on her shoulder about this.. I don't know what other way too show my emotions.. Do I keep saying the same thing over and over??

 

But whats so crazy is she shares things with my/our friend that she doesn't share with me.. I don't flip out.. Why is it OK for her to do and not me?

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Stop turning to your friend at all, it's technically emotional cheating, if you discuss your relationship with your gf with her. I would avoid her and seek solace in your gf instead.

 

We are all friends.. She shares things with her, just like I do.. Whats the difference?? This has been my friend since we were kids.. Our parents are friends we basically grew up like brother and sister.. She is basically my sister without the blood.

 

Do you think it bothers her more because she is female(my friend)?? She never mentions my male friends

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Of course, it bothers her because she is female, she worries you will leave her for the female friend. She finds her to be a threat. For women, cheating is an emotional thing mostly, for men, cheating is having sex. So you can see why she is upset, you are having an emotional connection with your common friend.

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Tell her the truth, that the more she pushes the more you withdraw. Tell her it's not something you do to hurt her but it's something that happens despite yourself and it's somthing you both need to work on. No one is to blame, men are just different to women. Women talk about everything and everyone, it's what makes THEM better,very often men deal with that stuff alone.

 

I would even add that when you really feel the need to talk you will come to her, but when your quiet and not talking, you're actually working things out by yourself and as a man you don't need any help at that time but if your stuck with a problem, tell her that she will be the first person you turn to.

 

And I feel that this time with all you have been through, that you have no choice but to deal with this DNA test however scared you are. Just post it and get yourself out of this dreadful limbo your in. Good Luck btw.

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A bit off topic but...

If she isn't mines my world will be torn apart..

Then why are you even doing the test? Is the ex demanding it? The alledged "real father"? If not then it may be better to leave well enough alone...

 

BTW this is definitely something you should be sharing with your girl... more so than your good friend. But maybe you should let her know that you'd rather she not be so judgemental (but say it in a good way).

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