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He won't make the moves.


Hannahleh
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Every time me and my boyfriend hang out, it's always me that makes the moves. He always reciprocates... but it's only after I do it. He kisses me on the cheek or temple to tell me he wants to make out, but I have to start the actual kissing-- I'll take his shirt off, and it'll take him ages to make a start on mine.

 

It's frustrating, because while he's just fine with holding me and making out for hours, I'm... getting a little bored. I know our first time having sex wasn't perfect, but I'm definitely willing to try again, I don't want my money for birth control going to waste anyway. He definitely doesn't complain when I take things forward, but I love it when a guy takes control-- like, when he pins me down and kisses me, it's the sexiest thing in the world. But it's not sexy if I have to tell him.

 

I'm thinking he's not as experienced as I'd assumed, just because he's older. He's always telling me he thinks I'm attractive and how lucky he is, blahblahblah... so why? He's GOT to know I'm comfortable with getting more intimate, since I'm always letting him know what feels good and I never say slow down or anything, and he gets a hard on every time we make out.

 

How do I tell him I want him to take control, without actually saying it? D'ya reckon he's just shy?

 

](*,) ](*,)

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You mentioned he just graduated, so I'm guessing he's 18. Do you know off-hand what the law is in MT? My first thought was that he might know he could get into trouble even if you initiate things. IIRC there are some states where you can get around this if the girl's parents give written consent.

 

If that's not the problem, the wise ones here are sure to help you out!

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You mentioned he just graduated, so I'm guessing he's 18. Do you know off-hand what the law is in MT? My first thought was that he might know he could get into trouble even if you initiate things. IIRC there are some states where you can get around this if the girl's parents give written consent.

 

If that's not the problem, the wise ones here are sure to help you out!

Oh yeah. That's right. You're 15 and he's 18. Yeah, that might make a difference too...

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Communication is what is lacking here! Talk to him about taking the initiative and making the first move. Let him know that you desire him and it's OK if he gets the ball rolling. Talk to him about any anxieties in which he may be feeling or reasons for any apprehension. Getting comfortable is all about knowing your partner inside and out. Is he worried about the legalities of your ages?

 

RC

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He might be scared that you won't react well, especially if he is not that experienced. But I dunno, it seems like if you're undressing him, he should get the hint that you wouldn't mind him undressing you hehe.

 

I also doubt that he is thinking about the law. Nobody ever gets in trouble for those things unless like, the parents decide to flip out about it, and even then, you have to get the courts and other people to agree to punish you. I doubt the punishment is harsh, and I'm not even sure they'd take it seriously with such a small age difference and two consenting individuals in a relationship.

 

But what do I know?

 

Anyway, I'd go with Relationship_Coach's advice and talk to him about what anxieties may be.

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Hello H,

 

I'm like you, I like the man to take the lead in the main. What is more flattering than a guy who is slightly forceful because he desires you so much. That's what turns me on. However a couple of years ago I went out with rather a gentle soul. I'd hoped as he grew confident with our sex life, he might be a little uhm, more dominating. But No!!! Although he did try to act on my hints, it wasn't his natural personality. He asked for permission for everthing, and that didn't work

for me. Alas I was never pinned to the bed with tender kisses. It just wasn't his style.

 

With your guy, you could try showing him that he can be a little more forth-coming with his actions, but at the end of the day, if this is his natural personality, you may have a job changing it

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