What is she thinking?

[theproman23]

My ex broke up with me about 6 weeks ago and she's been calling and asking to be friends. The whole time we went out she never asked to hang out and when I talked to her last night she asked me what I was doing this weekend and when I asked why she said she wanted to see if I can hang out with her. I want to come out with my feelings that i want to try things again but I dont want to ruin things esepcially if she's looking at this just as a friendship then it would just be embarrasing.

[rose2summer]

Ok, first of all, you cannot have a platonic friendship with an ex this early on. Yes, maybe a year down the line you possibly could but now now so I recommend no contact, really work on letting yourself heal and getting to know proman, it's going to hurt you to see her, move on instead. I know it hurts, I am in your shoes, and my ex wanted to see me too, but I cannot, I know the turmoil it will cause to see him, please do the same and say no.

[Hope75]

Have you talked at all about a reconciliation?

 

Why did you break up?

[Mun]

I wonder if maybe she is feeling really guilty because she knows how much she hurt you so she is trying to make herself feel better ( or softening the blow ) by asking to be friends. I think you might want to just plain and simple tell her that you don't think being friends right now is a good idea.

 

If you want to ever get back together, or even have a shot at it in the future--my opinion--is that you should put some distance between you guys for the time being. She broke up with you right? so she doesn't get to be friends... she get's to be your EX and feel like an ex . You can be friendly, but friends ...ouch!

 

Let her live with her decision to live without you... at least for awhile.

 

hugs

[theproman23]

She broke up with me cause she said I got pushy for a realtionship. I want to tell her how I feel and ask her if she wants to try things again and if not I want to tell her I don't think I can be friends with her anymore. I am really confused. I was there for her when ever she wanted which I know gets unattractive. Now that I am not there all the time, she's been calling me and asking to hang out. I want her back but I am willing to wait atleast a month to see how things progress.

 

Well I am the typical nice guy and before we broke up I started reading this book that talked about how nice guys always taken advantage and their flaws. The book suggests to have your ex or your current partner read it along with you to help you imrpove. One week after we broke up she called me and when I brought up reconciling she said no because she felt that I lied to her. Well anyway during the call I asked if she would read the book and help me improve myself and she was very skeptical. The other day we went to dinner and we went to barnes and noble after and she asked what the book was and that she was going ot buy it. I want her to read it and see how that changes things as well.

[Hope75]

How did you push for a relationship?

 

What did she mean by that, exactly?

[theproman23]

Well we first with being friends and seeing where things go. After baout 2 months we went to a party and we kissed and that made thing a little more serious. Then I was thinking about moving out and I would ask her if she would spend more time with me if I got my own place. I wanted her to meet my parents but she was'nt ready for that. She wanted to take things slow but I realized I did allow for that. I used to freak out about keeping her happy and would dwell on things. I swallowed my feelings because I thought if she got mad at me she would breakup with me. So I know I made a lot of mistakes and I know she did too but I think there can be something there.

[Mun]

Hmmm.. I don't think you should tell her how you feel at all. You already did the sensitive guy thing and she thought you were being pushy ( which sometimes means needy---ugh ) Nah, you want to be a nice guy but not a pushover.

 

Most people want what they can't have...she doesn't have you anymore so she is getting curious about you. A good thing. That's what you want. Only, you want a gf not a friend, right? So what she is offering is not good enough.

Also, she's been calling you...do you answer ALL her calls? If you are then try letting some go by unanswered. Let her wonder about you. If it feels like a game, so what? she broke up with you "she doesn't get to have all your attention anymore"

 

Be strong.

 

Like I told this friend of mine " you are worth something too, let her come to you now"

 

But, if you want to be her friend then let her help you with your relationship skills. That's a quick way to get into "friends mode" and stay there.

That's what I think anyway.

 

Oh, I just read what you wrote and I want to add this " stop being afraid of her" that seems to be working against you.