How can I tell him about it?

[never-too-late]

It has been bothering me for some quite time. I spoke to my boyfriend on the phone today. We talked about different things but I felt quite upset about the phone call. He didn't sound so happy to hear me and he didn't show so much enthusiasm? I mean he wasn't bad to me but he was just not showing me that he is happy to talk to me? I asked him a couple of times if he was ok and he said that he was and then when I asked him again, he got irritated with me and he asked me in an annoyed way if there is anything he said that would make me ask him all the time if he was ok? He said to me that I also sound strange. I saw him last weekend and he was the sweetest guy to me, today he sounded as if he is not the same guy. He was coming back from work when I called so maybe he wasn't relaxed enough but it's not the first time that I feel like this after phoning him?

 

I want to tell him about it but I am scared to make a fight out of it as I don't want him to think that I am complaining. I don't know if it's a guy thing but how can he go from being so sweet and loving to sounding so distant on the phone? How can I talk to him about it? I always end up being upset as I feel like he doesn't want to talk to me or he is not happy to talk to me. When his friends call, I feel like he is having a laugh and he is much happier? I am feeling sad about it. I can't help feeling unappreciated and rejected?

 

Please help me. I am trying not to find problems as he always says that I do that and then he gets upset with me. but I don't see him very often and this is making me feel worried and sad?

[Beec]

I think you should leave this one alone.

 

You may love someone dearly, but even when you do, you don't ahev those feelings every hour of every day. You can love someone and still not be able to stand being with them or talking with them, at times.

 

When he seems he does not want to talk, leave him alone, get off the phone. Let him miss you for a little while. Wait and then he will call you and want to talk to you. And then you won't have these complaints.

[Hope75]

Rather than make an issue out of it, why don't you wait and see what he's like the next time you talk?

 

He may have been tired, stressed, had a bad day at work, or just stuck in traffic coming home. It may have had nothing to do with you. Everyone has bad moments.... it doesn't sound as though he said anything in particular that was upsetting to you. He might just not have felt himself when you talked. I think in this case, he might be right. You might be looking for trouble that wasn't there.

 

Let him be, don't bring it up and see how he is next time you talk. The last thing he probably wants is to feel as though he has to be "on" and act super happy every time you talk. Let him be comfortable around you, even if it means he's not so "on" all the time.

[never-too-late]

Thanks for your answers.

 

But why is it that when I am with him and someone calls him, he usually sounds happy and he is smiling? I can't help to think then that it's something to do with me?

[RayKay]

Agreed with the above two, he does not have to be "on" and romantic ALL the time. Even the "most in love" people have bad days with work, stress, and are feeling less into being sweet and cuddly.

 

Just let it go, as it does not sound like he was mean or anything, he just was I assume more reserved and quiet? Sometimes people need time to think through things without being pestered about it

 

Now if this is happening all the time, there might be more to it. How does he treat you overall? How is the rest of his life right now?

 

How is YOUR life aside from him? Do you rely on him to make your life "complete" for example?

[hosswhispra]

I agree with Beec, Hope and RayKay.

 

On another note, some people are just not "phone people". They are better in person. However that being said, I would not even bring this up to him in person. Men are naturally problem solvers. He may think there is a problem (when there really is not)---> you just want to express your feelings....

[Beec]

He may treat you differently because he speaks with you all the time. Talk to him a little less on the phone, and watch how it changes when he misses you.

[Stambler]

Never-

 

Been there, done that on giving and receiving end. I used to do that to my wife all the time. The only reason I did it was that I was usually in a hurry and stressed, and she was always pleasant and carefree – I used to think she “just didn’t understand how much pressure I was under…”.

 

Well, after reaching a boiling point with my behavior, she is now doing that to me, and I hate it! She is doing it now because she isn’t quite sure if I really want to talk (I’ve changed, but she hasn’t fully accepted it yet).

 

My advice – don’t give it a second thought, don’t second guess what he is thinking or why he is doing it, you will probably get it wrong, it’s probably NOTHING. Try not calling for awhile, but be very pleasant and upbeat when you do call. IF he asks why you don’t call as often, just pretend you hadn’t noticed that you call less now!