love is pain

[trippinpaperheart]

So I've been with Marc for almost 3 years now since I was 17 and I'm not 20. I love him to death and we have our ups and downs but nothing has been bad like it has lately. I'm dealing with a lot of other stuff going on in my life right now. My dad has lung cancer and is extremely depressed and seeing my family all depressed is making my home life not so fun. I know since I've been having a rough time at home that I snap at Marc for stupid little things and he's been telling me he's getting tired of it even though i try and explain it's not me taking personal hits at him. He's had trust issues with me in the past even though I would never dream of cheating on him. But I get mad at him for the same reasons but not that I think he'll cheat on me just the fact his friends don't treat me with any respect. So now he desides he just can't deal with my drama anymore and decided yesterday he wanted to break up. But he's still calling and will act all in a good mood then get mad and tell me to come get my stuff. I'm just getting mixed signals really bad like ok is this for real or does he still have feelings for me and just won't admit to it. I don't want to guilt him into loving me but when I think about him I think about spending the rest of my life with him and i have just no interest in other men i would rather be alone than not have him. I just feel so lost and don't even know how to feel or react towards him.

[arwen]

Hey girl,

 

I am so sorry for your situation, especially about your father. That must be very stressful and painful for you. It's understandable that your reactions towards your bf have changed due to those circumstances. I think he might feel unable to handle the situation in your family. However, him not trusting you is another thing, and a big red flag. The most basic thing in a relationship is 100% trust. I think low-selfesteem and insecurity can make a person less able to trust their partner.

 

I can't say if he still wants to give things a chance or if there is hope for the future. For now I think it's best if you take care of the things that are still at each others houses, and not stay in contact. A time of no contact at all is an important factor in healing and eventually moving on.

 

Take care and write all you want on this forum. You are not alone.

 

Ilse

[Cid]

Yes take your stuff and not talk to him for a month, Just try to have some fun go hang out with frinds and famly. Be with your dad. Becouse he is your dad and he needs you now more then ever, and you need him too. I wish you the best of luck.

[trippinpaperheart]

thanks so much for all the positive comments but things have only become more complicated since then. we kind of made up friday and last night there was a big concert we both wanted to go to so i went with him and his friend. Then on the way back we stop at a gas station b/c were all hungry and he picks out this big thing of danishes. i was like i don't feel like sweets right now, then he asked me like 3 times and i just got kind of * * * * *y with him the third time. then he starts yelling at me in the gas station. so we leave and start driving home and he keeps yelling at me calling me a * * * * * and a * * * * *. so i slam on my breaks and he spills coffee on him self (made the situation so much better right there) and i tell them to get out of the car right on the highway at 2am 30 miles from home in the middle of nowhere and i left them. was so freaked out i parked my car like 2 miles from my house and walked home so if anyone came there looking for me they would think i wasn't home. so that's kind of my situation right now.......

[trippinpaperheart]

so yesterday he talked to me on aim nothing of meaning just chatting. wanted me to look at his bands new video on his web page. my com. started screwing up and i had to shut it down, and it wasn't restarting so i went to get on my parents com. to tell him what happened. (his job is repairing/building computers) so he said if you want you can bring it over tom. but i said no that's ok it's probably just overheating. then that was the end of our convo. today is especially hard i haven't seen or talked to him all day. this is hard b/c i haven't gone a day w/o seeing him since like febuary or march. i haven't ate since like 7pm on sat. i'm not even hungry. it's hard i'm realizing all these things i miss. i miss watching him play guitar, his stupid jokes, him helping me with things like fixing my com., his cooking, watching movies with him, just everything is driving me insane. so tonight i'm getting trashed, i seem to think how i really feel then. but please please please give me advice i really need it. so if you take the time to read this leave me a comment i don't care if it's 2 words it helps.

[Serena68]

Hang in there... i am going through the same * * * *... Be strong...

 

These might be just words and you probably heard them a thousand times. It might help to write down your thoughts about what you want for yourself. What makes you happy and try to also think about the things you didn't like about him ( I know this is very difficult to do) but it helps.

 

I keep telling myself.. he is a lying cheating SOB.

 

What I also started doing is to write down the things i want to tell him in my diary. This is one way to not want to call him. ..don't know if it really helps but it might. I just started with this.

 

Try to spend time with your dad. Do nice things with him. Not to make you feel bad or anything, but last year my mom passed away because of liver cancer and since my parents live abroad i didn't spend that much time with her . During her illness i was there for 2 weeks but i was so consumed by thoughts about my bf maybe cheating on me that I didn't concentrate that much on my mom and now i really really regret that. Don't let this happen to you. Noone is worth it.

 

I really miss my mom now... But chin up take a deep breath ,shoulder straight and get on with YOUR life. There is only one person that will truly love and care about you and that is YOU. You can do it... and who knows.. you might be happy one day that it ended... otherwise you wouldn't have met the man of your dreams.. who is somewhere out there

[trippinpaperheart]

so things have became more complicated. last night we chatted on aim nothing about getting back together just about what was going on in our lives, we said goodnight that was it. then today he sent me a text like 15 min. before i had to leave for work asking me to stop by his work. so i did he didn't say much while i was there but he walked me out to my car and kissed me. i liked it but i don't know if i was ready for it. he asked me to come over to his place at like 9:30 to eat then we were going to my place to fix my fish tank stand. i think all of that was a mistake. the whole hour i was at his house, i ate alone and we didn't see each other his friends were over. then we get to my house to build that fish tank stand and it breaks. so we take it back to walmart to get a refund and all his friends were at walmart. so after that i just dropped him back off at his house. i said maybe will talk tom. and he said about what like nothing had ever happened. then i said talk about us, he looked scared kissed me then said call me before you go to bed. so now i'm contemplating if today was a mistake or not. we really need to talk about what happened if we ever want to grow stronger, right? it's obvious he loves me if he still wants to be with me when i abandon him on the highway. I think if we talk tom. i'm going to tell him I just want to take things slower. it sounds right but i'm not even sure if I know what that means. confused i don't know if i'm doing the right thing or not