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NC - not sure if this will fall on deaf ears

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I've been in NC for 3 weeks. We had a relatively short affair of some months, but I fell for her big time and it scared her away. I was wrecked.


Anyhow, NC means doing other things, maybe new things. I understand that it's not "No Contact" and that's it. That will drive you nuts.


Here's what has happened so far:


1. Got my classic car back on the road and on the books of a film producer/location scout down here who wants to meet this weekend to show me around his studio etc. I am learning filmmaking and hoping to get some unpaid work experience with him.

2. Made the NC graphic to help me cope with any communication that may happen when I am too sore to think properly. I have already seen her with another guy in my local bar and spotted them skulking around the neighbourhood at 3:00am. So much for her needing time and space. If she had only said "from you, that is" I would have been out of there, reluctantly. Nah, probably not.

Still looking for more feedback on the graphic, you can find it here: link removed

3. Established a conversation between my adult head and my childish heart so he doesn't go chasing parked cars for a while. Helps me to think of them that way.

4. Started working on my software project again - means 2 days a week out of my home office. Some more structure and I don't run into the ex who comes up my street every Friday. And my heart can't run into the back of her van.

5. Wrote down everything that happened between us, why, and what I will do better next time. Still working on that but it's been therapy for me.


Oh, and I have been using my story as a conversation piece with my Spanish teacher (changing names and places to protect the innocent). I thought a big part of the problem with the ex was my Spanish but apparently I can make a Spanish woman laugh quite a lot. Turns out my ex was just a bit boring. Yikes! I thought it was me.


So.... tonight my teacher asks me out to a fiesta in the next village on Saturday night - not expecting anything (not in the mood for love) but it will be great to meet some new people and we might even bump into the ex - a little bit of jealousy on top of the NC wouldn't go amiss.


Damn, I'll have to blow off the producer.


Someone has a quote on this forum from "The Shawshank Redemption" I would like to borrow... "Get busy living, or get busy dying"

Here's another one from the same movie ... "Let me tell you something my friend. Hope is a dangerous thing. Hope can drive a man insane."


and the retort , much later in the movie "...hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things. And no good thing ever dies"


And another "there's a - there's a - there's something inside that's yours, that they can't touch."


And here is where I want be:


"I find I'm so excited, I can barely sit still or hold a thought in my head. I think it the excitement only a free man can feel, a free man at the start of a long journey whose conclusion is uncertain."


Hope some of this helps.


River Dog

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NC only works (to get an ex back), if they are alone as you are. So, now you know that won't happen. Now, you are making the right strides in the right direction ( I can tell by your comments). You are right in the fact that the fiesta thing is a good thing. Go and be happy and have a marry 'ol good time. I dont know who was going to the bar first you or her. It might even be time to move on to another bar scene, if her going out makes you feel uncomfortable. If it was your bar prior to hers, then you might want to call her to ask her to respect the fack that it is your hang out and please not go thereforeee a couple of months. Another option is, she knew you'd be there and wanted to make your head swim some more (some people do this). You cannot ever let her know that it gets to you that she is there, so what I said earlier was wrong. You cannot ask her to go somewhere else. Just stay away from her and joke and carry on. If you must keep an eye on her (which is unhealthy) then put someone between you and them, so you can loook over their shoulder and watch her. she cannot know thatr you are eyeing her. She cannot know that you want her, ever. You have to have all appearances that you have moved on.


Heres a little trick I learned:


Walk up to her and say hi. (you must smile)

She should introduce you to him.

Start a cordial converstion with him.

Monopolize his time (from her).



This will drive her insane (she will call).

This will throw him for a loop.

This will give you the power.

By the way buy him several beers.

have a great time and show her that you too know it is over, because once there is a break up then it happened for a reason. No need to dwell on it.




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Good points, thanks for taking the time.


>>She should introduce you to him.


I politely disagree, it would just reaffirm her choice ("ooh, everything's cool then?"). Better to leave, like you have somewhere better to go. There's no mystery like absense.


In this case he's my neighbour and ex-drinking buddy. His wife left him (with the two kids) around the time the ex went cold. He's an alcoholic philanderer who chases anything (and I mean anything with a pulse and no facial hair). I have reason to suspect that she was seeing him before we dated and used me to force the issue. He also knew how I felt about her as we consoled each other over our mutual troubles. As you do.


Note: This is just a suspicion at the moment, but you can be sure I am following this theory up. My dear old Mum used to say (when a girlfriend ran off with a Brazilian racing driver and another with the Household Cavalry), "You don't half pick 'em River Dog" - just kidding


But no more Mr. Nice (patient, then needy then a wrecked) Guy. If it ain't working and I can't do anything about it, then I am gone.


P.S. I take full responsibility for not getting out sooner. But I wasn't myself (got to remember that for next time, with her or anyone else). I never took the chance to shine and wished I had left it after the second date. Still, we are all so fearful of being alone and yet I have spent many good times alone, like now for example.

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an interesting and very well-written thread, and i have to tell you: that is the most hilarious flowchart i have ever seen! it reminds me of the (way) old MAD Magazine.


by the way, i used to have that exact same Don Quixote picture as my eNotAlone avatar. what are the odds?

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an interesting and very well-written thread, and i have to tell you: that is the most hilarious flowchart i have ever seen! it reminds me of the (way) old MAD Magazine.


Respect. Maybe that's my problem, it wasn't meant to be funny. Gee, if I tried I could probably make people's head explode


by the way, i used to have that exact same Don Quixote picture as my eNotAlone avatar. what are the odds?


That is weird. I chose it because it's Picasso, I live in Spain (not La Mancha) and I tilt at windmills. How about you? I used to play through a 4x12 as well. No DI for me, mike me up lads

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