After a period of LC, finally going to take a risk

[rnorth]

My ex and I separated towards the end of May after one year (she works incredibly long hours, said she wasn't being fair to me). I immediately went into NC for a month then we got together for dinner just to catch up. She admitted missing me but we haven't discussed emotions since. Since then, we have kept in touch, occasional emails, calls and even a few "dates". But she is completely passionless. Very light hugs, etc. She went home to the UK for 10 days in late July, and I watched her black lab during that time. I dropped her off at the airport and while she was there, emailed me every day for the first 7. I picked her up as well. No change in behavior. This last week, she invited me to see a concert (Keane) with her and she paid for the tix.

 

I still have her house key which she has not asked me to return. She did however return some clothing items to me that I had at her place over a month ago.

 

All this time, I have been warm but have not displayed any sadness or neediness towards her. Nor have I mentioned feelings or even stated I missed her. I am sure that my actions reveal my true sentiments, but I am less demonstrative than normal.

 

Tomorrow I would like to send her this email and would like input:

 

I will only say this once. I do not wish to repel you or cause you discomfort but just to finally get this off my chest. Whatever the consequences are - if any - I will accept them as they come.

 

For whatever reason; be it childlike pride, walking on eggshells, whatever - I haven't let on to you about this yet but......................

................................................I really do miss you. A lot. image removed

 

I do not wish to cause you dismay. If this email troubles you, it is not my intention. I just wanted to let you know how I ......still feel. I can assure you that I will not bring these sentiments up again. So if they trouble you, your silence on the matter will be all I need to know to no longer cause you any concern in the matter.

Yours truly,

- R

[melrich]

I guess if you don't ask you will never know. Sounds like as good a time as any.

[DN]

I advise against it. If she wants you back she will come to you when she is ready and I doubt a message such as that will help. It's tough to do nothing but sometimes it is the best plan.

[Sally00]

I think that is a good email.

I mean, she DID already say she missed you.

You're just saying it back.

 

I wish you good luck on whatever happens.

[Bethany]

You seem to be getting on at the moment... Why risk pushing her away? I'd carry on as you are for the time being at least.

[heloladies21]

Well if you want her back, you're going about this all wrong. Being her personal assistant/servant will not lead to a relationship.

 

The email is a bad sign of your current emotional state. Don't apologize for your interest in her. Stop hiding the way you feel about her. The way you're going, it's only going to lead yourself along till she finds someone new and drops you again.

 

Address the issue with her. Tell her either it's a relationship or nothing. If she's not on board, then it's back into NC. You'll just be hurting yourself otherwise.

[onayrb]

It's good, but do not walk on eggshells so much in the mail (you say it in the second para anyway). I'd probably end it on the second para (it just looks like you are being too nice here (be firm in your convictions). And forget the:

 

"your silence on the matter will be all I need to know to no longer cause you any concern in the matter"

 

.. do you want to be greeted by silence!! (most unpleasant).

 

definitely the right thing to do to send it. I spent a while in a similar situation and sent a similar mail. It did not go my way - it confirmed there had to be a definate end, but being able to move on was of course a positive.

[pathofra]

look i have been there i was separated with my wife of 6 years . after the first year we separated for the next 3 years and in 2004 around december i moved into a 2 bedroom apartment so our daughter would have a bedroom of her own seeing as she was turning 4 at the time. she helped me move seeing as how most of the stuff was hers anyways. but then she did something i never expected. she stayed and never left. i dont know to this day why she stayed but im very happy she did. so i know what it is you are going thru with this seperation you are in. i know you dont want to push he away but right now i know this keeping things inside is torture for you. only you know when the time is right to let her know what is inside you. and no amount of advice can change tht. for you know her best. you say she has taken you out for a few dates and have you taken her out on a few yet tht you never said. did you let her know how much you apprecaited her taking you out and paying for things. to women the little things is what matters most not who payed for what and material things like tht. they value emotions and being able to express them in ways they understand. so why not ask her to have a nice quiet dinner and to ask her how to go about talking to her about these things. let her know she has the control but you are willing to talk to her in a way she understands.

[rnorth]

After sleeping on this, I have decided NOT TO send the email.

 

The responses for the most part have helped me in this decision. I am going to lie low, live my life otherwise and speak to her when the time is right.

 

Re-reading the email, it just seems both passive and pushy to me today. I have enough things to keep me busy and not be too anxious about this situation.

 

I have expressed gratittude and warmth but not outright interest in renewing a relationship. I do know that she relies on me for some things, but she is for the most part, tough-minded and independent.

 

Thanks for the advice.