relationship evolving..

[radiotone]

the only serious relationships i've had before, they were with someone who i always poured my heart to. always told them how much i loved them and how much i missed them. and they were pretty far too, as in distance. so the emotional level was pretty high. but i've been in a relationship now that's different. i definitely love her and really appreciate everything about her. it's just she's the complete opposite of who i was with before. not COMPLETELY opposite but just in the whole emotional field. she doesn't like things to be 'heavy'. heavy with emotion and all of that. and i understand it. i like things between us to always been 'light' and just secure.

 

but i've had trouble adapting to it. everytime we part after spending the weekend with each other, i always feel i need that whole ritual thing ("oh i love you so much, i'm going to miss you"). because in my past relationships - we'd see each other but then it'd be a long while before we saw each other again. so we always poured our hearts out to each other. but now, whenever i start acting like that when my current girlfriend leaves, she seems put off by it. because we both knew we'd see each other reaally soon. and i acted like it'd be forever until i saw her again.

 

it was hard though. just a kiss goodbye and a 'i love you'. i felt unsatisfied. i needed more. then i just thought to myself "but why do you need more?". i'm learning how to deal with it and i admit, it's hard. i miss her too much sometimes. i feel too attached. i think she's at a point where we don't need to say stuff like that often anymore because we both already know. we laugh together, we sleep together, we do everything together. and it's not like my current girlfriend is distant - she can be close to me and be affectionate.

 

i'm just seeing if there's anyone out there that had to go through the same thing. and be secure and comfortable in their love for someone. i know i love her and i'm not worried about anything. it's just that whole conflict we've been experiencing. i've been getting better with it..

 

thank you

[Relationship Coach]

You need to go from theater mode to TV mode! Theater or stage actors have to often tone down their delivery of lines and expressions when they switch to doing TV or movies. Same thing here applies. Different girl, different venue. You need to be able to adjust and adapt while still maintaining your identity. I know it's hard but tone it down and learn to say I love you and will miss you with a kiss, a hug or a look.

 

RC

[rikka]

You need to go from theater mode to TV mode! Theater or stage actors have to often tone down their delivery of lines and expressions when they switch to doing TV or movies. Same thing here applies. Different girl, different venue. You need to be able to adjust and adapt while still maintaining your identity. I know it's hard but tone it down and learn to say I love you and will miss you with a kiss, a hug or a look.

 

RC

 

RC that is an awesome way of putting it! (I love the analogy). I am having the opposite issue, my current boyfriend and I are trying to bump it up to theatre mode (we have just recently entered into a LDR).

 

So as someone going from the other side, I wish you luck. I am sure you will find your comfort zone soon. And congratulations on finding a wonderful girl

[Aschleigh]

But you may be looking for a deeper emotionality too. Like she likes to keep things not heavy, perhaps even shallow. It's like the difference being seeing someone and being in a full on relationship. Perhaps you want the relationship emotions and connection that full disclosure of your feelings bring. And she wants to take things slow, or she is uncomfortable with deep emotions.

It also depends how long you have been together. Maybe you are ready to move to another level in the relationship and she is not.

Either way, why not talk to her about these things. See if even talking about feelings and emotionally connecting makes her feel a bit uncomfortable.