A really quick question!

[lost_status]

I was wondering, what can I do to support and encourage my boyfriend when it comes to studys and working. How would I make him feel good about himself??

 

thanks!

[neva_black_n_white]

Do you mean revision? This is really nice. Sometimes, just a little encouragement is good enough. Help him with techniques .. if he needs it anyway. Make sure he doesnt over work him. keep him happy.

 

Thats the main thing.

 

if hes tired, he shouldnt really work, or bored. You never do the best work then. EVEN though, with time deadlines, it cant be avoided at times.

 

Just show care, which you obviously have to ask this Q

[lost_status]

actually he is kinda lazy hehe, he is failing uni and im getting worried. Im trying to get him to do his studys before he calls or sees me, so far so good, but would he see it in a bad way?

 

He doesnt feel good about himself either, I really want to help him.

[neva_black_n_white]

Sometimes it makes it a little difficult doing it that way. if you restrict them completely from things they enjoy seeing. Often, not always it back fires.

 

Its like, making someone work, but kind of giving them a nice but wrong insentive to do it. you know?

 

I mean, its great that hes rewarded with seeing you, but, at the same time, he has to work to see you. That might get him down. (it might not do too good on the feeling bad about himself field either).

 

Have you asked him how you could help him study? do you know what he finds difficult or what he enjoys?

 

whats he feeling bad about at the minute (in himself)?

[lost_status]

I dont really restict him, well only when he has heaps of work to do and I know if he talks to me or sees me at that particular time he wont end up doing it.

 

Im not sure what he finds difficult, I should ask him, shouldnt I?

 

He doesnt think he is good enough, he thinks he his dumb and not good looking, he also thinks he is a jerk (which is so untrue)... He feels like this because people in the past have said this to him.

[neva_black_n_white]

Well you being with him already serves a few of those comments wrong. I think you just need to pluck up his confidence again. You probably do need to spend that time with him.

 

So long as he doesnt feel patronised, inquire about what he finds difficult

[neva_black_n_white]

sorry, my computer just went bad.

 

but yeah, if you talk to each other about it more, then it would probably help.it is far more difficult to find a solution to a problem when you havent broken the problem down.

 

it might be that he finds it difficult to read through texts, note taking, write ups. when youve broken it down i could probably help more.

 

 

 

..................

on the other note, people often are affected badly by things that others have said to them. it soon becomes a self fulfilling prophecy *(you either think or become what others state you are)*

 

it can be hard to change someone opinon.

for example, the person im seeing tells me ive got great legs.. but i think differently.. he cant change that.

 

so long as you remain committed to him, and it doesnt become too much of an issue, the both of you should be able to overcome it, try not to dwell on it.

[brando]

Did he ask for your assistance??????

[Sally00]

You can tell him you're proud of him... (although my boyfriend doesn't like that for some reason haha).

 

You can also give him motivation to finish his studies and what-not by seeing you ONLY AFTER he's done with it.

 

 

[Aurian]

Well, you can help out with some study/work tips. I find things a lot less stressful when I figure out how long it would take to do my projects and break them down into manageable chunks.

 

"Okay! I've done my essay-planning today, I can go out and enjoy the rest of the day!"

 

Works well because you don't get so burned out and its less stressful too because you are "finishing" small tasks.

 

 

 

Second idea is to "reward" him. Did he finish an essay? Reward him with a fun evening out, whatever he wants!

 

 

Whatever you do, don't nag. Nothing is worse than someone nagging at you.

[djbeasley]

There comes a point where you can only do so much... after that it is up to him to take control of his own life. My gf got out of a past relationship because her ex was not motivated to do anything. She got him his job, signed him up for college, etc. She basically ran his life. Dont do that for this guy, he'll never learn. It is a personal dicision that he has to make. If he's not ready to grow up, maybe you need to question some things. Dont let him hold you back.

[Beec]

When he does study, reward him. Then he will want to do it more. Be unpredictable in how you reward him, and maybe, he will become obsessed.