Not sure if he wants the ultimate future (or if he's just faking really well!)

[VeganBohemian]

Sometimes I feel as though my boyfriend just says things because he has to and not because he actually feels that way.

 

We only talk about marriage and the future if he brings it up. If I bring it up, I think it makes him uneasy even though he doesn't say it. What makes me a little worried is that I think he says things in the heat of the moment and then once things are not spectacular, he no longer really means the things he says.

 

These are the reasons I am confused:

 

1) He tells me all of the time that he loves me (this is good!)

2) He DOES mention moving in together and marriage after college

3) I know he will never cheat on me without exception

4) I am his only friend as of now

5) We hardly ever have arguments and if we do, they are minor

6) He mentions that our relationship is great and sometimes that I am his whole world

7) We never really have any issues and I don't see him breaking up with me any time soon

 

But...

 

1) He has only met my family once in a whole year (although this is partially my own fault)

2) He politely declined going away on vacation with me and my family

3) I've only met his dad a few times (although he does not live with his dad...so I'll give him that)

4) He doesn't like talking about the future unless HE brings it up

5) He never ever uses commitment words like "forever", "always", etc

6) I sometimes get the feeling that I am not on his intellectual level (he being the more intelligent person) which I know deep inside is a non-talked about issue

7) His use of future-talk is limited to how I am acting or how our day is going

 

I know he won't break up with me any time soon, but I don't want to waste my time if he eventually will! What can I do to maybe ease into a conversation about the future without him clamming up. Also, what makes a person finally commit to "forever"? Does it just take time??

[Aurian]

Vegan... I see a couple of red flags...

 

Why does he not have any friends? Why is this in your positive column even? Although its nice to have all that attention, there could be a reason why he does not have any friends. My ex-husband didn't have any friends and there was a big honking reason for it, that I didn't find out until too late.

 

Is family important to you? And not to him? If not why not? Is he hiding something and avoiding your friends and family?

 

I also don't like that his talking about the future is dependant on how the day is going or his mood. If you love someone you should want to be in a relationship with them if you're having a good day or a bad day, if you're happy or sad.

 

Sorry if this isn't what you want to hear, I just wanted to point out those thoughts...

[VeganBohemian]

He does have problems being in social situations, although he has had many many friends and girlfriends in the past.

 

When he was in middle school, he had an abundance of friends and girls who he was with all the time. He says they had heavy bonding, but then he had to go to a special school for a bit (he says it wasn't deserved and that his mom was nutty...he doesn't talk to his mom anymore because he says she ruined his life. He never talks about this and he never complains about it. He is generally a happy, loving person) and lost contact with most of his friends. After that, he was in the army for a bit, but didn't make any lasting friends.

 

He has many aqaintences from his other college he went to. He is fairly new to our school now and doesn't live on campus, which deters friend making. He lives alone with his grandma.

 

I am a loner too, so I have no problem with this.

 

The problem I had with the not being involved with my friends/family is that I think it may reflect his level of commitment. Meaning, he may not want to make the effort to be with those I love because he isn't on that level of seriousness about us.