how do I forget her without NC?

[atticus]

hey.

me and my girlfriend recently broke up. We broke up because she is attending an art course for a month that demands so much from her that she was starting to doubt our relationship. She got too busy and had too much on her mind and that made her insecure. We have decided that when we're both happy, we're great together, and we wouldn't mind giving it another shot when the time is right, possibly when her course has ended or when she's in a normal state of mind again.

We decided to remain friends. I don't want to forget about her because she was a huge part of my life, and we do have a future. but sometimes it's just hard for me. mind you we broke up only a few days ago so it's normal. I'm starting to cope a lot better especially today. I will keep contact limited because I feel most comfortable like that. Other than that, is there any other advice you can give me?

 

thanks!

[chai714]

In short, don't wait for her or at least don't appear to be. This will be a complete turn-off and I guarantee she won't appreciate you. Why? Human nature. Something which costs us little or nothing is perceived to be of less value. The same thing goes with people and relationships - you can't be at her call and have her appreciate you and want to be with you. Think about this - you're diminishing your value by appearing to be waiting for her to come around.

[JohnnyTable]

First of all, her "reason" to end the relationship is just an excuse. Does that really sound like a good reason to you? The hard fact is that she doesn't want to be with you. She might not know why, but it doesn't really matter.

 

This whole giving it another shot when the time is right business is just designed to keep you on a string so that she can come back if she wants to. I'm sorry, but you are setting yourself up for some pain here.

 

And why would you want to be with somebody that cuts and runs when they go through something demanding? Would you rather have somebody that comes to you for support during these times? Even if that support is simply "hey I need some time for this right now, but I am still with you." I can understand putting less into the relationship for awhile, but ending it all together? Hmmm

 

So as things stand right now, you are broken up. This means that you are no longer together. This means that you currently DO NOT have a future together in a relationship. Unless I am missing something, you are in denial.

 

Stop being friends and move on with your life. If at some point you want to be her friend without being in a relationship, then great you can be her friend. If she decides to come back, then great you can deal with those issues then.

 

Waiting around for somebody that you are not in a relationship with is a waste of time. There are too many other women out there.

[JohnnyTable]

P.S. I know that art courses are demanding as I know a couple who is going through something similiar (and they are staying together). However they are not emotionally demanding which would be a good reason to breakup with somebody if you couldn't handle the emotions of something like a death in the family along with the starting of a new relationship.