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feeling paranoid.


joyce1412
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it's been almost four months since my breakup. i think i'm doing well. i think about him a lot less during the day, and when i do it isn't so heart-wrenching. i do miss him, but i'm becoming detached, more and more. i recognize that he is probably not the one for me, as much as i would have liked him to be. the love is slowly fading.

 

a few weeks ago my friend (we'll call her S) dropped a small bomb. she read my friend D's myspace blog that talked about how D, my ex's bandmate, and my ex all went out one night after a show and had a great time. i couldn't bring myself to read it, but my mind started going weird places when i imagined how it went down. i've kept my distance from D because she is in the same crowd as my ex (definitely better friends with me though) and after the breakup i decided to have a break from all those friends. it was too hard to keep seeing them so much and hearing about my ex, not to mention just being reminded of my "old life". plus, D and a few others slowly stopped inviting me to things and staying in touch. now, contact from them is few and far between.

 

first of all, i am feeling betrayed that D is now hanging out with my ex so much. she attended his birthday party that only four other people went to, is going to a lot of his shows, and now this bar thing. i was so convinced she had my back after the breakup--she was so supportive--and now she's seeing him so much more than normal--and so much more than she's seen me. and i'm also worried that maybe she's interested in him, and that that might explain the increased hanging out with him and the decreased contact with me. she's an attractive girl...i wish my mind wasn't going here.

 

i hope i'm just paranoid. i don't know how i'd deal with it if my suspicions were confirmed.

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i hope i'm just paranoid. i don't know how i'd deal with it if my suspicions were confirmed.

Maybe we don't need to deal with the confirmation, maybe we should look at why it matters? I mean the answer to that is pretty obvious, but if thats the problem we need to deal with, then thats the problem we need to solve.

 

I have had as a catch phrase for a while "Action before Feeling", then I heard that Tony Robbins has beaten me to it long ago with "Physiology before Pyschology". You're going to have to commit to acting like you don't care, before you can hope to not care. Now, thats hard. As anyone (like yourself) has been reading my saga.

 

I would like to point out that there is a difference between denying you feelings, and acting against your feelings. In my thread I described how sadness and hollowness seems to find me when I am escaping and go "oh, there you are, you seem to be having fun so I'm going to hang around for a while". Well, stolenshadow said if the sadness comes in, just say hello to it. It will cease to have the same power when its not fueled. I guess thats like my analogy of letting your emotions wash over you like waves on a beach.

 

I think you deal with this by COMMITMENT. When I go into companies to help them deal with change, I usually only take one "prop" with me - and thats a deck of cards that all say "commitment". I hand them out, tell them to put them in their front pockets - close to their hearts. Then I tell them that no amount of money will change their organisation - its only if the commitment is in their HEARTS (EVERYONES hearts) - that change can be realised.

 

You need to commit to an action, just like I do, and just let those feelings wash over you. Its not easy. I mean, jeez, is that the understatement of the YEAR? But like you said, we're gonna get through this.

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icemoto, thank you for that.

 

i woke up this morning and realized that i was feeling just that: paranoid. i start to feel okay about the breakup, miss him less, etc., and then i'll get myself riled up about something really stupid and get involved in the bad feelings again. it's silly, but it's like my mind wants to keep itself on guard, as if it's okay now, but i need to be prepared for any crap that could possibly go down...so i keep myself entrenched in the sadness so i'm not shocked when something bad happens. it's not a good way to live.

 

like i said, most of the time i feel pretty okay about the breakup...the one thing i can't yet wrap my head around is him being with someone else, and being happy with someone else. (and having sex with someone else and waking up with someone else and...)

 

i liked the line about saying hello to your sadness, letting the emotions wash over you, whatever you want to call it. i feel that this idea has become much easier with time. before i couldn't think about the breakup without getting extremely mentally and emotionally involved with the feelings. but now, most of the time, i feel the sadness and think, "yeah, of course i'm sad, what's new?" and keep going about my business. my concentration doesn't get broken, my day doesn't suddenly become irrevocably bad.

 

today i mentally stumbled accross some good memories with him--i was in a place that reminded me of something that reminded me of something else that reminded me of a wonderful moment with him. it stuck in my head for a bit. i hope that as time goes on, i will feel less triggered to think of him by random people, places, or things.

 

i am moving on saturday. i can hardly contain myself. i've already been moving whatever i can possibly part with at the moment to my new place. i am eager to move on. i also feel that it will be another step to "kill my hope," so to speak. just as you talked about wanting to change your phone number so you know he can't call you (or at so it will be that much harder for him to contact you). like he can't show up on my doorstep to shatter my universe if he doesn't know where i live.

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