In a Relationship with a guy, his 2 kids and his ex??

[SwEeTLiLGuRL]

We started our relationship based on a one night stand....

 

Clark and I started dating just over 9 months ago. He was a really good friends brother, and I knew Clark for about 4 years, not very well though. Clark went through a divorce about 3 years ago, that pretty much tore him apart. The relationship was an abusive one, but it was his first love kinda thing. One he likes to say that he was stupid for doing and has gotton only the wiser from it. From this marriage he had a little girl. She is now 6. The ex has another girl who is 10, who Clark raised as well, real dad is not in the picture at all. Oh and just for information, Clark is 28 and got married when he was 21 divorced when he was 25.

 

Now me, I am 23, if you have read my previous posts I'm not new to a longterm relationship. I've practically been through my own divorce, however I did not bring kids into a bad relationship. I've always been fully aware of what I was getting into with Clark. While sleeping together in order to get us together is never usually the best thing, I think we've really made it work. I love him with all that I have. I help him with the kids as much as I can. All the while I go to work for 35 hours a week and go to school for 6.

 

Lately though I have been feeling restless. I feel like I've been getting upset over some stupid things. I don't feel very much like myself lately. Clark has been helping his ex through a rough time in her life. She split with her boyfriend and then got back with him and is now moving. So he tries to be there when she needs him, but I feel as if he is not there when I need him. He says that he does this because it makes her and him tolerate each other better for the kids sake. In my eyes there is nothing he can do to help that relationship. She is a viscious person and yells at him all the time. He gets angry but then he just puts up with it. I understand that there are things he NEEDS to do in order to maintain a healthy relationship for the girls sake. But how much is too much?

 

I am not worried about Clark getting back with his ex. He isn't dumb enough to do that and has already done the back and forth for about a year after they split. Clark has always told me that us being together has been great for the girls. He says it shows them what a loving relathionship is supposed to look like, because there mother goes through boyfriends like they are a pair of jeans.

 

So my question is how do I know what is a reasonable amount of time that he needs to be concentrating on this relationship with his ex? It's affecting us because I feel he isn't there when I need him, so how do I present this without making him mad? and defensive?

 

Thank you to anyone who takes the time to read this post. I appreciate any help you can offer...

[Sad_now]

It sounds like you are the one being defensive. Why don't you relax a little and have a chat with Clarke about this. I really cannot say that he is doing 'too much' for the mother of his children. Does he know how you feel?

 

Maybe just the two of you should go on a weekend break and when you come back you may find his behaviour doesn't bother you so much...

 

Anyway, if you do talk to him about this, try not to accuse or argue. Just get your point of view accross...good luck!