Does anyone have the manual on guys??

[swtg]

Hi everyone i need some serious help here..heres my story..2 years ago i was dating this guy that i fell inlove with on sight! really it was that strong on both of our parts anyway a year ago i made a huge mistake and it cost me the relationship he never wanted to see me again i begged him to come back but he wouldnt anyway we didnt talk for almost a year after that and just recently he called and wanted to see me. so i agreed. it felt like old times i never fell out of love with him he is still very much in my heart we evan had a few intimate kisses but now hes back to saying hes confused and he doesnt want a relationship with anyone..the year that we didnt see each other he didnt date anyone else and nor did i. i want him back but i dont know how to make him see how good we are for each other HELP!

[JessieK05]

sorry but you can't make someone love you. You may have had the greatest time with him but the feeling may have not been mutual. With my ex that's how it was, and beggin him to come back just makes it worse, no one likes a begger. Just let things take thier course, and if it turns in your favor congrats, and if not just work on getting over it and not talking to him for awhile. Talking to them just makes the healing process worse, trust me. I hope I helped a little bit

[segagirl]

I think I have that manual ...hum.....ah here it is.....but its gonna cost you 40$...no no just kidding.

 

I think its interesting that after a year he calls you.....he must have really had you on his mind!! Seeing eachother must have brought a river of feelings.....

 

I don't think one meeting can decide anything. I think he left for a reason, and he may be on his way to forgiving you...but seeing you may have made all those feelings come back into his head.

 

Just lay low for now, give him time to think about how he feels. seems like he is at least thinking about it. Just don't put any pressure on him. You have nothing you need to prove..until he says he wants more.

[bzborow1]

I watched a movie not too long ago called, "Swingers". It was a great movie about the guy side of relationships. The story is about a guy learning how to get over a long term relationship (aka love), and there was something that was said in the movie that's true for guys, and true for everyone I think.

 

One character consoles the other by saying of EX's, "when you finally move on, move ahead in life...that's when they call back". And this eludes somewhat (i'm stretching the context a bit) to the fact that you can't make someone love you. The harder you try, the worse it gets. I suggest you try to go with the assumption that you are over as a couple.

 

The good news is that he contacted you after a year. It may be that he wants to see if there's still a connection, it may be he's looking for sex (yes this can be true, be careful), or it may be he thinks of you as a good friend -- the point is, you've got to stand back a bit, not pressure the situation, and let him decide for himself.

 

"if you love them set it free...."

 

Bill

[swtg]

i doubt its about sex..hes a good looking guy he wouldnt need me for that. you can tell alot by a persons eyes. i looked in his eyes and i saw something i dont know if its love or something else..he says he still cares alot about me but we both have to try and move on. its complicated to say the least..i didnt try to contact him that entire year because its what he said he wanted. i just dont get why after all this time he wanted to see me. 1 thing i know for sure he hasnt moved on either.

[NewlywedinMD]

I will trade you the easy book on guys if you give me the book on women, volumes 1-99. Get my point?

8)

[swtg]

haha sounds like a fair trade to me. all girls really want is trust, comunication and for u guys to open up and tell us what you really feel about us instead of hiding it or trying to act macho!

[waitinvain]

Had trust established

Communicated almost whatever I was feeling or thinking.

Even walked with a wiggle to hide my masculinity ( *joke* lol )

 

Net result = I'm single again. lol

 

I couldn't bear to be without myself though. lol. Good job eh - rejection is a bitter pill to swallow but somebody is always on the receiving end. One thing I know is that I would always try to work things out before making everything so final. If I thought something could work ( with a bit of work ) and I still loved them, and they loved me, I would put the effort in.

 

Every relationship has things that people need to work on.

[swtg]

i gave you our manual now wheres mine?? Lol its good that u havent lost your sense of humor through the situation

[waitinvain]

Okies,

 

Well I'll tell you what I want:

 

Somebody I can trust, who is my best friend, that I am physically attracted to, who is there for me in good times and bad ( a rock ), and me for them. Also they must be on the right side of optimistic/happy-go-lucky and enjoy life and the people around them, be on the right side of chatty with an opinion. I don't want somebody that just agrees with me, but then neither do I want somebody that disagrees with me for the sake of it. lol. Also they must have a sense of humour and appreciate comedy. People with a sense-of-humour failure are a no-go. Life is too short to be serious all the time...

 

Also somebody that is nurturing and caring, with the capacity to forgive and forget. They must also be loving and generous (but also know when to stop giving or they will be penniless..lol ).

 

They must also expect the same from me and not settle for 2nd best. They must also want to be with me for the right reasons and love me as much as I can love them. There is no point in being with anybody for the sake of convenience.

 

They must also be able to make a great cup of tea and like kissing, touching and making love. lol

 

 

[NewlywedinMD]

At least for me, I want a women who is confident, funny, knows how to have a good time. Can be happy by themselves or with me. Someone that is always trying to improve themselves. Of course being sexy counts, but if I am with a woman, it is clear that I think they are easy on the eye. Your "breed" (haha) has to realize that some guys show affection different ways, but if you tell them how you want them to show it, most of us can do it... Make sense?

[swtg]

lol thanx but im just as confused as ever. my guy had all those things with me. he is still very much attracted to me thats for sure! dont ask me how i know lets just leave it as I KNOW! Lol but theres more then just attraction there i can feel more but some reason he wont come clean with it an example would be..we live in different cities now but he called and wanted to see me the next day he drove 5 hours just to spend a few hours with me.

 

the whole time we were together we held hands we talked we hugged we kissed (not a friendly peck on the cheek either). we ended the day on good terms he said he would call when he got home and for me not to worry so much.he did call but when i brought up the feelings part he back off again saying he didnt want a relationship with ANYONE right now and that i could find someone who will treat me better then he did.

 

i dont understand what he means by that he always treated me really good if he didnt i wouldnt love him the way i do. i asked him if he didnt want a relationship why he came to see me and why he acted the way he did he said it was old feelings that he never got over made him do it

[waitinvain]

Well,

 

My opinion is that he has strong , yet confused feelings for you. He is having mad moments where he wants to see you, yet he doesn't want to commit to you.

 

That is unfair on you as you're left dangling at the end of a string, a bit like a puppet master pushing all your buttons and then walking away when it's time to clock off.

 

I think the bottom line he is COMMITMENT phobic and not willing to give enough of himself to make a relationship work. All this is doing is toying with your emotions.

 

He shouldn't be getting physically intimate with you unless he is willing to ultimately give more of himself.

 

He is obviously physically attracted to you, but unwilling to give of himself at any deeper level.

 

There are lots of people out there that would love to be in a steady, committed relationship.

 

I would let him go unless he can commit to you properly. There are lots of fish in that sea. I can't see it right now, but I know deep down there are. I tell you something else, some of those fish are a better catch.

 

We don't always have to stick with the one we almost have in the net. We can let them go and wait for another to come along.

 

Happy hunting, or should I say....fishing ;-)

[swtg]

Thanx its nice to get guys opinion on why hes acting this way but if you have ever been inlove you know its not that easy to just let them go especially when you know they havent let go either. he is very stuborn and set in his ways once hes made his mind up theres no changing it.

 

i step back and give him space and right when i think i can move on i hear from him or he comes to see me and im back to square one. i think he only wants me when he thinks i dont want him. Guys seriously you are complicated!

[waitinvain]

He doesn't want to let you move on to be with somebody else, yet neither is he giving enough of himself to make it work with you either.

 

That means he is pretty selfish as he is depriving you of a potentially great life with somebody else.

 

What is the saying "I could not see the wood for all the trees"

 

It's like the girl I love who has rejected me. I am clinging onto the hope of reconciliation but really I should be moving on now as I never gave up on her but she gave up on me. I have to live now as if she no longer exists, but in my thoughts she is always there and I just want to be with her. And my last chance is sending a darn letter hoping it touches her somewhere and makes her feel different, to give it another chance. It's a long shot but I doubt I will move on until i know it didn't work.

[swtg]

aww im sorry to hear that a long heart felt letter might work. do you want to say what happened why you two broke up?

[waitinvain]

I don't know what to put in the letter though. I was going for something along the lines of I am here if you need me, I care for you, I hope things are well and if you would like to go out for a drink sometime I would like that very much.

 

Why we split up as follows explained really basically

* A couple of weeks before the split she started thinking about how we had rushed things etc planning for future ( we hadn't though, we had just talked about stuff )

* She had been in a previous bad relationship not long since finalised and hurt was still quite fresh

* We had a couple of weeks of friction because of this 'thinking' business which entailed a couple of silly exchanges and an argument over something trivial again.

* She wanted space that weekend. I ignored it and went over on Friday with flowers. She wouldn't come out of her front door to see me, I felt rejected and said a few thoughtless things.

* She held those things I said against me and would not forgive.

* I saw her on the Sunday to reconcile but she ended it. I had taken her flowers again. I apologised but her mind was made up.

* She said she would think on it and give us another try if and when she was feeling stronger, but couldn't see it happening.

* I made the mistake of making too much contact and seeming pathetic ( i.e. I love you, I miss you, we are great together, please see me soon blah blah ).

* This made her feel pressured and this tuesday she said, "Sorry babe it's over, the hurt is too much. You can't chop and change & you can't expect me to forgive you all the time when you say things that you say you "don't mean"

 

And I haven't heard from her now since Wednesday. I should have given her space and I shouldn't have said the few thoughtless things.

 

But then, to be fair she never asked me to go over that day. She wanted space.

 

What can I say?!

[swtg]

love is such a tricky thing. once something is said in anger it does stick with that person for a long long time. im hoping everything works out for you. i can see how much you do love her now u have to make her see that. i wish u luck

[waitinvain]

Thanks,

 

I have my fingers firmly crossed. I am very regretful of the things I said in anger. It made me look at myself hard as a person and I will not make the same mistakes again. I just need to learn to count to 10 before saying something I will later regret.

 

I read my star sign tonight (from a big thick book ) and it said "having quick minds, they are often fast talkers, priding themselves on their ability as extemporaneous speakers. But if they listen to tape recordings of their own voice, their critical natures would enable them to recognise and correct some of their own flaws. They would agree that they should think over what they intend to say before they proceed to say it"

 

 

THIS IS SO TRUE. I am a quick thinker/talker, but unfortunately I talk at the same rate I think. lol. This means sometimes words come out of my mouth before I've had chance to consider whether I should have said it or not. I do possess tact and concern for other peoples feelings but if I feel disrespected or treated badly I can then be own worst enemy by saying what I think.

 

This is something I need to control in future and realise I don't always have to win. Losing is OK sometimes

[swtg]

im the same way..my mouth does get me into trouble sometimes. i guess i tend to over react as well.

[waitinvain]

A partner that truly loves you will forgive you of things you have said without thinking.

 

What we have to do is learn from it and recognise that part of our character which is flawed, and try to work on it.

 

It is hard to change our natures, but I believe we can all become better people.

 

As Jack N said in as Good as It Gets, "You make me want to be a better man"

 

For somebody you truly love you will want to improve and better yourself.

 

Do it for yourself though, as much as others. It helps in the future. I think many of us take things for granted from time to time and let our anger or impatience tarnish all the good about us, which does us a disservice.

[swtg]

hi everyone,

well ive made a decision..i was gone for a week and had some time to think. its time to move on. i do still love him very much but i think its only 1 sided so when he does finally call me im not going to talk to him because if i do ill never be able to move past him and i think thats what he wants..he doesnt want me but doesnt want me to move on either but i cant live my life waiting for something that may never happen.

[waitinvain]

A good decision and one that takes strength to stick by.

 

I am in a similar position. I think she likes to think that I am pining for her, but she doesn't actually want me ( at least right now anyway ). I think she enjoys the fact that I want her though - she likes the idea of me wanting her.

 

She says she wants my friendship but even there I am the one doing all the running.

 

I genuinely feel she will later regret her decision to give up on us like this, but I also have to force myself to move on.

 

If she was the person I originally thought she was, she'd still be with me now. People don't give up on relationships because of a couple of incidents and a few bad words. They communicate, sort it and move on......hopefully towards a stronger relationship. That is what I'd always do anyway.

 

So yep, good decision. Forget about him, he isn't worth it. Hardest thing to do in practice but if you can do it you will be able to move on, and although it's hard to see it now, the next guy could be "the one for you".

 

All the best...