He Left and the Roses were Still alive

[winter2005]

I am Torn and more confused

[I_KicKed_keNNedy]

I have a feeling he's doing what I've been seeing a lot of these "internet Casanovas" doing.

 

I've seen some forums and articles going around the internet that teach men "seduction techniques", and one of them is using coquetry. Coquetry is also referred to as "push-pull" or using mixed signals to spur desire in your "target".

 

Since I've seen these articles, I've been noticing a lot of guys doing this crap to girls. I'm not saying this is whats going on in your situation, I just wanted to make some of the women out there aware of this.

 

In your situation, I find it peculiar that he says you aren't religious enough for his parents or whatever. Tell him to cut the umbilical chord and decide for himself how he feels.

 

That self-esteem boost you got had little to do with him. He simply made you realize how awesome you already are. You already knew this, you just needed to come to your senses. If he wants to play games or sit on the fence, you are too good of a person to wait around. Persue the life you've recently regained.

[freeindeed]

Wow...I'm so sorry. I'm in the same type of situation as you....dated a guy for a couple months...all of a sudden anounces that God told him he shouldn't be with me (one day after he told me how much he liked me and how he's never met another woman like me...blah blah). It doesn't help that his mother didn't like me too well and he's a definite momma's boy. So I've spent the past few nights crying, wondering what's wrong with me. It's definitely a tough kind of rejection...atleast for me it is. I'm so sorry that you're going through the same thing, I wish I had advice for you...all I can offer is a sympathetic ear.

 

Hope everything works out for you.

[RuS525]

Really in that type of situation all you can do is play it by ear but dont sit around waiting for this guy either i would think it best for you if you got up and around and have fun with friends something to take your mind off the pressure if this guy is pulling that stuff that (i kicked kennedy) is saying then he will come back to you so get on your feet and have fun that is about all you can do i wish you the best of luck with your situation i hope everything goes good for you so good luck

[saltwatergirl]

He also told me not to let his sisters frind out he is back with me or his brother.

 

If he loved you, you wouldnt have to be a secret.

 

Salt

[saltwatergirl]

This guy came into your life at a precise time to play a precise role, and it was not to be the love of your life. It was a "bridge" relationship...a bridge from married to single. You didnt take it seriously because it wasn't. But now you think maybe it was---that's illusion. You said yourself you "dont want to be alone". So you are looking at hamburger meat and thinking maybe it is a T-Bone steak. It isn't. It's just hamburger meat. Thinking it is something that it isnt is just a mirage in your mind. Time to let that go.

 

He has already said you wouldnt be accepted into the family, this wouldnt work out or last long term, and that he couldn't have a lasting thing with you. So why are you still trying to make yourself believe it might be so?

 

If I were you I would make a quick, silent exit from his world and put your energy into moving on. ALONE.

 

Personally, I think the time alone will do you good. You went from a marriage to a boyfriend immediately (simultaneously?). You had your bridge. But I think in this case, that's all it was, a bridge. Time for you to get off the bridge, be alone for a while, and learn how to be complete without a man.

 

Im sure you will always cherish him and your time with him. But there's nothing more to be done here. Get off the bridge and step onto the ground in front of you. It's not quicksand, you wont sink. You are already there, you can't stay on the bridge and you can't cross back over it to the other side.....you have to get off now. Stop being scared and just start walking. He isn't the one.

 

Salt

[_Ramirez_]

The guy is obviously keeping you on the side to play a little bit with you... he knows you are vulnerable and he know how to mix your feelings up. This is a rebound relationship for you I'm afraid and you are still thinking that there might be "something wrong" with you... which is not the case...

 

If you don't succeed in this relationship doesn't mean you failed your life.

 

Let me give you the only advice I can give you : stop chasing after him, make him chase you.

 

If he believe your so in love with him that you will wait endlessly for him to come back because he's "so good" then he will feel like he have the control over you and he will use it to control you and your feelings. By doing this he will disrespect you. The guy is a manipulator and it shows in his behaviour. I mean how can you come back to a girl, say I love you one day and then say I'm wasting my time with you because my parents will never accept you... (something you don't know for sure because you've never meet them...).

 

So here it is. No letter, no beging, no phone answering for a couple of days. Let HIM wonder what's happening with you and why suddenly he doesn't have the control over you, make him wonder what HE did wrong, make HIM ask himself why you don't want to talk to him anymore. He will come back faster than you think because for now he believe he can come back anytime to play with you while he is looking for "the perfect girl that his parents will accept and with who he will want to have kids"...

 

And by the way a guy that say that "he wanted to be honest and he did not want to play around with you" don't stay around to play with your feelings, he just go away and he stop calling "just to hear your voice" because he would know that it would hurt you more than anything.