Afraid of his ex

[drucillaangelus]

i wrote a while back looking for advice re: telling my ex that I was dating already, very soon after the breakup.

It went well, and we remain friends, though he needs his space and time and I can respect that. His main concern being whether there was any physical contact involved prior to our breakup. He had mostly become apathetic about our relationship and that question was more about pride and ego than any major affection concern. I've come to realize we have very different opinions on how to love someone.

..however...my new boyfriends ex, who lives in the apartment underneath me, is taking things a little less calmly.

I'm almost starting to become afraid of what she might do. She attacked him the night he broke up with her, and while there haven't been any incidents, I am getting a little antsy about my physical safety.

 

I don't want to feel like a b**ch for being at my own home with my new boyfriend, and we try to remain out of sight as much as possible. It is a fairly complicated situation, as the building we live in is an old converted house, and we are all more like friends and roomates than neighbors. We all share a big backyard etc.

 

I am sympathetic to what she is going through, though I can't deal with the anxiety and the temper-tantrums. I am 29 years old, and have no desire to behave like I am in junior high school, though it appears that that is what this is turning into. I'd like to prevent that but I don't know how.

 

I would like to approach her, but her sheer hatred for me is obvious, and I don't know that it would come off as anything more than condescending.

To make matters worse, her constant stories about me to her and her exes (my new) boyfriends former friends is now causing tension between my boyfriend and HIS friends.

 

Does anyone have any advice at all?

 

Thanks

Dru

[drucillaangelus]

No, I refuse to leave my home. Beyond being my home, its close to my place of business, to school and apartments are hard to come by.

She isn't expected to stay at her current apartment longer than a month 2 at the maximum, and I certainly won't be intimidated.

She chose to come back to the apartment.

She wants this problem to disappear (me along with it) and I just can't do that.

While I am willing to be sympathetic and understanding, this is my life too, and I'm not willing to give up things that mean something to me simply to make her comfortable. It is one thing to be empathetic to someone elses pain, and another entirely to uproot your own life in the name of someone else's personal insecurities and issues.

I am willing to do all I can in the current situation, but moving away is simply out of the question.

 

Dru

[spygirl1992]

Tough situation that I've never been in...however, I am 29 too and so I feel for you on the 'highschool drama'.

I wouldn't move either. All I can say, is not to worry about something that hasn't happened yet. Just stand up for yourself and put your foot down when it DOES happen. If she is psycho, she's gonna do what shes gonna do anyways. No way to prevent it. However, if you don't want to be the bad guy, just tell your new boyfriend to handle it when problems arise. If she comes to your door in tears at 2am, say "Hold on, this is something John (whatever his name) needs to deal with". Dead cat on your door step? LOL. Again, something boyfriend can take care of. Don't take all the pressure. Just explain to bf, as I'm sure you have, and let him deal with her. Another thing, guys can have big mouths too. If he tells his friends you are afraid of what she'll do, it could get back to her. You dont want that, because that gives her the bully complex knowing you are afraid and thats when the games begin. So just make it known you are not afraid and handle things as they arise. She gets violent, tell her you will have her thrown in jail. Never hesitate to call the police. They are there for more than just drugs and murder. All she has to do, is one psycho thing, you call the cops and she most likely will never bother you again. So try not to worry. I know its hard, but try. Just be alert and try to put as much of this on boyfriend as possible. It's HIS baggage and he needs to be the one to tell her to stay away.

 

Good Luck