I need to know how to help myself.

[Mathew]

Im depressed at the moment, I've been depressed for the past two years really, its only recently ive realsied that i am, reading this forum has helped. Since my dad commited suicide 2 years ago, its really just gone down hill from there. I was really fine with it when it happened. I found the best way of dealing with it was to just ignore it, lot of good thats doing me now, just a few weeks ago, its all come crashing down. I just cant deal with life.

 

Im asking for help, in my friends, my reletives, mainley my mum, shes really all ive got left, emotionaly anyway. My sister tried to kill herself on and off the last two years, so when i went to mum for help saying i was depressed, she basically shut me down saying, "Just get better!", "cant you see the stress im going through because of you!". My frieneds have acted this way as well, they dont want to help me, they just want me to get better so im more fun to hang around...

 

Well, really what i want to know, is there anyway to help myself? Ive just got so much anger buit up inside me, im getting in fights, getting drunk alone so i can just cry. I want to change, but it doesnt look like anyone is willing to help me.

[Spugly Fuglet]

Sorry to hear about your dad and there are other here who have gone throw the same things, yes there is your faimly doc is top number one, see thows in your family are going throw there own greaf over your dad, you need some one out side the loop to give you time to let out your pain. I can see that you have not do that in-family as you feel it will add to the pain of others and to same exstent that could be true but a fmaily that graves togaver heals togeaver and thats what need to happon. But we are talking about you and what you need now is out side help.

 

Please go see you doc or school counceler and say you would like to see some one regulay about this until you feel better and abel to cope.

 

Other here will give better and fuller advice some v privet email.

 

It will get better trust me

 

Spugly Fuglet

[macdomat]

Nobody IS gonna help you, chief. Sorry. You're gonna have to help yourself.

 

All right, look. I'm very sorry about your dad. I can only imagine how hard it must be for you to get through. But I need you to stop and look at the recurring themes here: You say your friends don't want to help you, and you say no one is willing to help you. Well... are YOU willing to help you?

 

I'm not saying you can't rely on people sometimes. At times, you need people to just be there, to be a shoulder to cry on, or at the very least, a sounding board from which you can hear all your thoughts aloud. But, this problem that you're having is YOUR problem, not theirs. Sounds harsh, I know. And I'm certainly not telling you to shut it all up inside, cause that'll just lead somewhere bad. But you can't expect other people to solve your problems for you.

 

Your mom: clearly, you can't just "get better," like you can turn depression on and off as easily as one would flick a lightswitch. And, "cant you see the stress im going through because of you!" makes me think that this woman might be what we'd call a "toxic influence." If she's truly "all you got left," then maybe that's part of the problem. Maybe you should try and get out on your own?

 

You wanna get angry, drunk and violent? Fine. Is it making you feel any better in the long-run? No, I didn't think so. So stop it. All I can really recommend is that you try not to dwell on the bad things in your life, focus on the good, and change your life so that you can try and be happy again. And the next time you feel like getting in a fight, try directing that energy into a fight to LIVE.

[Bethany]

Understand that your Mum is dealing with this in her own way too. I'm sure it must be incredibly hard for you all to cope with it, 2 years is a relatively short time in grief.

Understand that it WILL get easier and although you will NEVER forget your Dad, you have to understand that it was something inside him that made him feel that way and it has got NOTHING to do with you. Don't wonder if it was you or something you said or did that made him feel that way, it WASN'T, he had problems so big in his mind that he saw no other escape. I am sure if he felt there was another way out for him at the time, he would have taken it. It's such a shame he didn't go and seek help as this could have been avoided, and I am positive that if he had known the pain and suffering he would inflict on you, your sister and Mum he wouldn't have done it.

 

BUT it's not too late for you or your family, take others advice and go and speak to your doctor, there is family counselling available out there. You could also try CRUISE for real life support, there are forums for children who have lost parents through suicide which are on goggle where you can talk to others just like you and who have been throught the same thing, they can help you understand and you can share your experiences. Talk to your Mum about joining a support group like link removed, they have a special forum for wives of husbands who have commited suicide. You all need support.

[sumguy]

Your friends are there for you, all you need to do is ask.

[Mathew]

Wow, macdomat, its certainley not easy reading what you said even though some of it is true. I know nobody is going to help me, i kinda gathered that from my experiences with asking for it. What i was wondering was if there are any ways i can help myself, with out outside help. I feel as if ive burnt all of my emotional bridges with my family, Ive become so shut off with my feelings, most of my friends/family dont even know what im going through. Personaly i hate my mum and my sister. I dont want there help. Im trying to help myself, but im just not dealing with it! Im just ignoring it till i get pissed off or break down and cry!

 

I feel like what im going through now is more the fact i havent dealt with my feelings towards what happened, its just built up to a point where i cant deal with it anymore, im so detached from everything, i dont even love my dad anymore, at first i hated him, now i feel nothing, im even forgeting what he looks like.

 

Im so scared of talking about my feelings with people, they just make me feel selfish for how i feel. I just dont want to feel like this.

[Spugly Fuglet]

Im so scared of talking about my feelings with people, they just make me feel selfish for how i feel. I just dont want to feel like this.

 

This is the root, Mathew you need to talk about this now, keeping it all in side is starting to brake you down. But who to talk to, you need I feel to find profeshinal help and the place to get that os the docs, I know the ozy make do way of doing things but this will not do here. Im sorry you feel like you can not talk to others but you doc will point you at some one whos job it is to lisen to you.

 

Please seek your docs help in this, befor you sink any deeper into deprestion.

[Daddy Bear]

it's not surprising to me that your mother can't deal with the thought of another suicide in the family. she probably doesn't feel that she could survive it. you need to find someone else to talk to about your bottled-up anger and sadness, and your friends won't understand what you're going through until they experience it themselves. ENA is a good start because a lot of us have been through the same kind of hell. i think you should also take advantage of the counseling services in your area. what have you got to lose besides that crushing weight on your chest??

 

it's natural to want to dull your pain when you're depressed. believe me, i know the feeling all too well. unfortunately, the truth is that alcohol only makes it easier for us to wallow in our problems and harder to do something positive about them. don't get sucked down that hole.

[AnotherBrokenDoll]

I know you think your friends aren't really wanting to help you but i promise that they only want you to get better for yourself. They want you to be ok. I'm sure friends want to help but they just don't know how. Sometimes people have to much going on in their own lives to have the strength to help you but that doesn't mean they just want you to act better they want you to be the person you were before this depresion kicked in. Remember we are all here for you and we are all ready to listen to you. Please keep venting on here i can guantee it'll make you feel better. Feel free to PM me at any time you feel you need to talk to someone

 

Hope you can pick yourself back up and i'm sorry for the losses that you have had to endure but think about what your father would want i'm sure he'd want you to be happy.

[Spugly Fuglet]

How are you doing there Mathew?

[sumguy]

Hey, I know Mathew in real life, and just happened to recognize him from a few posting points - location, age, the history he outlined and stuff - and if anyone who originally posted here wants to know:

 

He's doing great, he met a nice girl, and they've been going out for a couple of weeks now. He's happier than I've ever seen him, taking better care of himself, I'd go so far as to say annoyingly giddy at times.

 

He told me he was never coming back to eNotalone, he doesn't plan on letting things get that bad for him, and in a sickly-sentimental way, I'm happy for him.

[eMICHELLEa]

I am so sorry you have to be in pain..I don't understand what it's like to lose someone that way..But I do know what it is like to be shut out or feel shut out when you are just crying for help. What you need is a friend or maybe even friends that want you around no matter what. If your friends can't accept that you can't just be there to make them happy then they are selfish or just blind. And pretty much...they don't deserve to call themselves your friends. But I'm sure not all your friends just want you to be more fun. I'm sure some would just love you to be happy for your own sake. And i think eventually you will be. There is also meds but I think this is more so something you have to slowly work out in your mind and move on by veiwing things in other ways. I hope you can find whatever it is that you need.--

[Spugly Fuglet]

Hey, I know Mathew in real life, and just happened to recognize him from a few posting points - location, age, the history he outlined and stuff - and if anyone who originally posted here wants to know:

 

He's doing great, he met a nice girl, and they've been going out for a couple of weeks now. He's happier than I've ever seen him, taking better care of himself, I'd go so far as to say annoyingly giddy at times.

 

He told me he was never coming back to eNotalone, he doesn't plan on letting things get that bad for him, and in a sickly-sentimental way, I'm happy for him.

 

Thanks Sumguy for letting us know thats grate news