My husband is leaving for a week

[Bethany]

But are you going to tell him that you have already had sex with him? I think you are both to blame in all this and to keep this from him would be a mistake. It seems to me that you have alot of anger at him doing this to him when you have also done the same.

 

Maybe when he had the affair he felt the marriage wasn't what it should have been and things were already going downhill, I'm not saying that you are to blame for that but things for you both or at very least him weren't all together rosey and on hindight, he should have talked to you about how he felt rather than looking for 'something else' to make him happy.

 

I understand that you feel angry and hurt, used even seeing as he is now disabled so if you don't think that it will work or you have no hope of reconcillation, the sooner you confess your own mistakes and settle this openly and honestly about what you have both done the better for everyone, including your children who must be feeling the discomfort and and bad feeling in the house.

 

I would suggest you find a babysitter, sit down with a bottle of wine and talk about your future and your kids

[lovelyone2006]

You deserve peace and happiness. I am new to all of this, but the idea that he actually has a gun and has been violent or initmidating tells me you might want to take some sort of action to protect yourself. Has he had counselling? If he is depressed, he could be a danger to himself, you or your children. Like I said, I am no expert, but I am worried for you.

[Shadows Light]

SDBLUE...

 

There are many reason's why people will stray out of a marriage as there are recipes to make chocolate chip cookies. Why he did what he did.. why you did what you did... the whole HISTORY of your marriage and the way the chemistry worked.

 

YOU WILL end up sitting down one day and write a chronical of events out for yourself to sort your head out. And I'm sure if he saw it.. he would not agree, because he has a different perspective on it. And that is why you are in the position you are right now.. .at that fork in the road. Many others have been here before you... and many others will follow.

 

What is it that you need right now SD??? Vallidation?? Yeah.. hitting on your best friend, your sister, sharing nude pix of himself, cheating all are not condusive to a good marriage. If you find it HURTFUL to you.. then its not right. YOU DO what you feel you need to do in your heart. Are you happy? Can you live the way you've been living for the next 40 years? Is there any possibility of change or redemption? NO... then move on. As peacefully, respectfully, and as gracefully as you can.

[sdblue]

Well, now that my husband is back from his brothers which he came home on Tuesday, was not suppose to arrive back until Thursday. He has went around crying most of the time, which is not easy for me. He wants me to drop everything I'm doing, when he gets upset. When I get ready to leave he gives me a guilt trip. We are divorcing for pete's sake, he may as well get use to being away from me. He says that he respects my wishes for the divorce, but yet he is somewhat semi-smothering me. Says he still deserves a second chance, he has blew his chances too many times. I just wish he would accept that this marriage is over. It was hard for me to accept it to, still not sure if I have fully accepted it, because the divorce is not final. Claims he loves me, but yet told me that when the affair took place he was going to leave me and his 10 and 5 year old children for this married woman. Who excuse me would not piss on him now if he was on "fire". I responded by saying this "Oh, yes you love me so much, you do not love me now nor did you love me 5 years ago, a part of you may love me because you have been with me for 20 years, you mostly just love what I did do for you. And oh yes that woman did not love you either. And he finally also admitted it to me that he made the first move toward her, after they had share several conversations, he told her that he was attracted to her. And to make matters worst I'm having female problems on top of all this. Surely I will make it through.

[Tigris]

I once agreed with you that it was a good idea to remain in the same house when you were divorced for the sake of the children. You also said that you would continue to look after him. I advised you (because he has Fibromyalgia Syndrome like me) to start doing less for him otherwise he was never going to get better.

 

I PM'd and told her this - I'm telling you again for the benefit of the other posters that your husband has been lying to you. He has not been as ill as you thought. There is no possible way that he could be ill with Fibromyalgia and then suddenly ride a bike 3 days in a row. If I managed to ride a bike for an hour I would be bedridden for at least 3 days!

 

I asked you if he went out for walks with the children. You said, 'No'. When I asked why not you told me that he said he can't keep up with them and gets tired easily. That's why I got a wheelchair. I asked if he went out in the car? You said you'd asked him on several occasions and he'd always refused. You also said that he wouldn't go to a respite centre so you and the children could have a break from him. Since then he's been to his brother's house to stay on two occasions that I know of!

 

You told me that you never had to bathe him or hand feed him, etc. I was so ill I hardly had the energy to chew. My husband (now ex) was feeding me. I couldn't string a sentence together so he could understand me. On some occasions I haven't been able to read or write. I was also suffering from depression and still take medication now and again.

 

While I was very poorly my husband had to go to work. My parents didn't believe I was ill so my sisters weren't told by them. I had no friends that lived nearby. The only company I had while he was at work was our two dogs.

 

I was laid on a mattress on the living room floor in the middle of winter with the fire on constantly day and night. I was in unbearable pain because I hadn't got any decent painkillers. I screamed if I moved a muscle a centimetre and suffered with insomnia.

 

The door to the garden was permanently open so the dogs could go in and out when they needed to toilet.

 

Eventually I got 3 types of painkillers and could cope with the pain. One of them has Morphine in it. I progressed to a wheelchair, then crutches and eventually a walking stick over a long period of time.

 

During the first year of my illness (in the wheelchair) my Mother took ill and we had 3 weeks notice she had cancer. During this time I took my turn, alone, watching her through the night. I was alone when she died! I made all the phone calls from the hospital. I made all the funeral arrangements because my father had suffered from strokes in the past and wasn't capable. Plus my two younger sisters and my husband had never organised a funeral before. My husband drove the car because my legs weren't working!

 

The next year my husband returned to his job driving coaches for a holdiay tour company. I only saw him once overnight every week. I dealt with the bills, debts, house, etc. I admit the housework wasn't getting done because I wasn't always well enough but I did the best I could.

 

In my opinion sdblue's husband has been lying to her and the children. He has not been as ill as he has being telling them. She has waited on him hand and foot. He hasn't needed her help to bathe. He hasn't needed to be fed by her. He hasn't had a wheelchair or disability aids, e.g. long handled grabber for picking things up when you can't reach, a kettle tipper so you don't have to lift the kettle, etc.

 

WHAT HE HAS DONE IS WORN HER OUT!

 

She deserves a better life than this!