does love hurt? Am i second guessing myself?

[AngelicStar5]

I've been with this guy for almost a year now. I feel like i'm suffering. This burning I'm feeling is so unreal. For awhile I've been avoiding myself and I'm not going to anymore. I feel like my boyfriend needs to listen, but he thinks it's a waste of time. I asked him nicely to stop putting me down and he said "i'll respect it, but i don't know what you're talking about", he says im not confident and all this other stuff, but i've never been happier because i landed a great job opportunity. I confide in him about my past and everything, and now he uses my ex-boyfriends against me saying i've never had a healthy relationship with any of them. He says things like.. "i don't know where i'll be, i can't tell you if i'll stop loving you, maybe there's other people" this hurts so bad because it's like saying he isn't confident being with me right now. He says he'll let me know if there's another chick because he doesn't believe in cheating. I mean that's nice he'd do me that honor of telling me, but at the same time he's saying maybe i'm not all i'm cracked up to be. I'm really in love with this guy and all his guy friends are always jealous of how well i treat him. I do the sweetest things, like i'll come to his work, pick up his car and go to the car wash and bring it back. He says that talking to me on the phone is sometimes boring and that there's a part of him that doesn't love me. I say then dump me then! His reply is that "i'm still with you arn't I".. basically I feel like every part of my soul loves this guy, while there's parts of him that doesn't even know yet. I think after a year a guy should know if he's totally in love with you right? When I start to cry he's like.. "now you're being a baby, you're just doing that to make me feel bad, and it's not working, that's so unnatractive and such a turn off" I guess I could go on forever about this, i don't even know what's right or wrong.. all i know is that i'm feel so sad and I wish someone would listen. I feel that I should get out of the relationship b/c of the way he feels about me, but I don't want to get out of the relationship because of the way I feel about him. I tell him to brake up with me if he really feels that way, but he won't, he says he's with me for a reason, right? He loves me but he feels that I can be a baby sometimes because im sad or that im stressed. he thinks i should be happy all the time. He just needs to support me. I think he needs to realize how I woman is, because we're not strung like the men are. Maybe i should leave him alone for awhile? I want to not call him and make him feel like I don't need him, but I get lonely and miss him. This makes me look weak right??, but I don't play games. I just want a decent happy relationship where we can talk about anything and not get upset. He makes me upset because he makes me feel unconfident that he wants to be with me. If he can say "yes, i'm serious about you," then i have nothing to worry about because our foundation isn't being shaken. I feel like I have no foundation to work on. I feel empty, heartbroken. I bet tomorrow we'll see each other and act like nothing happened, but I feel that everytime that I'm with him i'm capable of loosing him. He's really independent to the point he can be brutally honest. I feel that he's so independent that it will take a trajedy for him to realize that one day someone he loves might be gone. I guess i want to know how to deal with someone like this, any opinions, thoughts.

[EmptySoul]

man, people like him bug me. ok girl, love/ a relationship should make you feel good, happy. obviously he's NOT. you are doing everything in this relationship and hes being an a**. it would be very hard, considering you love him, but DUMP HIM. just do it and spend time with your friends. you need to be happy just being yourself and being with your friends. you dont want to be someone who is miserable unless around a guy they like. maybe you want to stay in this relationship. its ur choice. but it sounds like its only going to get worse...

[crookster_man]

I'm sorry for you. You are in a bad place indeed. It sounds like your BF is not emotionally developed. This can be quite trying for you. It sounds like he is unable to commit fully and to show affection.

 

Communication is key; him telling you that you are a baby is a big no no. In fact it quite rude and inappropriate. Your BF is just not there unfortunately. I'm not sure how old he is, but he sounds rather young.

 

If you cannot work out your problems through healthy communication and mutual respect, then I am afraid it's time to pack your bags. Clearly he doesn't understand what he has or is unable to truly appreciate it. Putting you down is very childish and he really needs to grow up.

 

You need to address what you want in a relationship. You have expectations that must be met for you to be happy. If he is unwilling or unable to meet them, do not lower your standards, find someone who can meet them. This is my advice to you.

 

I wish you luck and I am sorry, but I always said. Change a losing game.

[Zoe10]

Hi,

Im really sorry to hear how hurt and upset you are. My opinion is the only nice things your boy friend is doing is being honest. He is insensitive, and a somewhat cold-hearted person if you ask me. You dont deserve that. Maybe he is taking you for granted? I understand that you love him very much, and you cant just switch that off. I would confront him, and tell him how deeply it hurts me. It reminds a little of a bf I once had. He told me to stop feeling sorry for myself when I was upset, and really had little compassion towards me. I was very weak, and I would also try and hold off calling him, but gave in out because I missed him, and felt that I needed him, but one day I had enough of the hurt, and I left him. It was one of the best things Ive ever done. I realised I didnt want to spend my life with someone who was so heartless towards the girl he was supposed to love, and other people. I am not suggesting you need to do this, but think about how he is treating you. In case youre not sure how is treating you - I will tell you hes not treating you with love and affection. Be strong in yourself and seriously discuss this with him. Give it time, and hopefully he will change. If not, ask yourself if you want to continue with his attitude or do something about it.

 

Take care. Keep us posted.

 

Zoe

[Da Oracle]

You need to find it in yourself to see if you want to deal with a person like this in the long run. If you're willing to deal with it, then go for it but itz a choice that can be heartbreakin. If he feelz the love you give him then itz only right to at least give it back. From what I understand he only complainz about pretty much everythin. A year is a long time but not long enough to tell the truth about the relationship and where it might go. Love takez itz sharp turnz, showz up...fadez away and sometimez jus getz crazy. Not to be rude or anythin but I'm surprised you can take all that and go for more. He should be treatin you the way you do him. I think you might spoil him to much and he takes you for granted. Remember you said "I feel that he's so independent that it will take a trajedy for him to realize that one day someone he loves might be gone. "?? Maybe you should see how he really feelz and drop him now. If he doezn't show any sign of pain which might I add IS love then it wazn't meant to be. Consider it a test. It shouldn't haft a be that way but in this case if he can say therez other people then thatz not love. You fall in love for a reason...to learn how it workz and what it feelz like. Pain is a feeling that you go through to see if it workz. If it waz meant to be then the both of you would go through anythin and back TOGETHER. Not alone. Hope this shedz some kind of light for you to see that a person who treatz you like this is not somethin you should haf ta go through obviously by yourself. Hope this helpz.

[AngelicStar5]

thank you so much for you help. I know what you're saying is true. Just this morning I called him because it's his day off from work and he said he feels pressured to hang out w/ me. I was like in the past it was a given we would hang out now i feel like im begging him and he says it feels like a chore. anyways i'm emotionally torn right now. I feel alone. You all talk about "hang out with your friends" i recentlly moved and don't have any. *tear

[jenefierlee]

Hi, your relationship sounds much like mine. I do not know how to deal with him either. My mind just goes in circles. If you would like to chat some, My yahoo is carrotsinmyhair........I really need someone to talk to who is in the same type of relationship that I am, because I understand that there are good points too. Most people dont take that Into consideration. Contact me, Thanks.

[god_of_underscore]

hey angelicstar and all, im very new here and i came accross this post and it strung a chord. i was like your boyfriend in my last relationship was not as cruel and i loved listning and speaking to her and could have done it until judgement day(im an Aethist). twas my first and most likely my last love because she was perfect in every way and all i could do was complain and just basically f**k it all up. and now shes going to move away because she has no friends left in "our" area. so i have lost her for good you see i loved her with all my heart and still do but i kept trying to make things better and they only got worse.. now she wants to be friends but i cant get this bludy emotion outa my heart so its making it difficalt for me to stop trying to get her back which is what i most want.. you see really love is the emotion that creates emotion when you are in love and it works you portray every positive emotion and when it is taken away by either the partner(which is what happened to me two days before my 18th birthday) or outside elements

(e.g drugs, friends, change in lifestyle(e.g going from school into full-time work) etc) it only seems to portray negative emotions even to the point where there seems to be no point in existing anymore, and when you get that low you dont function properly you become a becon of pain and suffering and the people that truly care are the only ones that notice (even if in this foul state of mind you dont notice them) but what you have to remember is that life, although twisted and unforgiving at times is generally a good barrel of laughs and if you dont like where you are you can go, if u dont like the job ure in you can quit, and if you lose the one you love then that has to be the worst it can get, i know i tried to kill myself i got so low, and then i found out that more people than i realised actualy cared enough to try and pick me back up no matter how hard i told them to leave me alone. and now i live safe in one piece of knowledge as long as people like you there are going to be people that dont and as long as there is love there is going to be heart break, and as long as you exist you can steal air from those that dont like you and give memorys of great times to those that do

Christ i type alot for a newbie LOL 0X

Peace out dudes

[sarangeh]

Hi! I am recently new here, and you're in the same situation as I am, well almost. The same situation as being ignored, not getting enough attention and dedication and not getting back what you supposedly deserve. That thought too, also came to me that I wonder what would happen if something happened to me and it's too late for him to realize that the person that was once he had is gone. I know it hurts, and it's hard to just sit back and take it all in. (treatments and such)

 

Try to have a talked with him. Find out what is really wrong or the dent in your relationship. I suggest to take the time to focus on yourself, as I have noticed on your story that you are too focused on him,THAT probably made him think that you are going to be with him all the time and not realizing that what he's doing hurts you, and it simply signifies that he is taking you for granted. Try your best to not to come out as too needy of him, I know its hard at first, and you might experience some itching to call him all the time or to see him, but try hard to give him his space. You have given too much already and now is the time to think about YOU. One thing I learned, in my past relationship is that, when you love someone, leave some to yourself. Try to be independent, even if you just moved to a new area. Go out and explore on your own, that way, you can meet a lot of other people and probably make new friends. Go to malls, go shopping and pamper yourself, (e.g. go to salons, do your hair, just pamper yourself) you'll never know, he might notice the "change" in you, and that change in you might give you some Confidence and he might notice it too.

 

Good Luck Girl!!!