She broke up and I fliped out, Is it to late to say sorry???

[mikeywins21]

So me and my current ex have been not only trying to battle a long distacne relationship but also trying to work on our lives, getting out of debt, finding a "real" job that you can make a living out of, moving out of our parents house. Stuff like that. So at first we tried to take a break, but it was just to hard, we would take a break but then still express our love for eachother and it sent mixed signles. So finally she broke it off "For now" The way she did it was threw an e-mail which I thought was pretty lame, she later told me that everytime she'd try to tell me on the phone that I would manage to talk her out of it and when she tried to tell me she wasn't happy I would change the story to me.

 

 

basically what I am tryin to find out here is, seeing as I freaked out about her break up e-mail and wrote her back with out thinking first and was really nasty in the e-mail, making her feel guilty and stuff like that. Do you think it's too late to make up for that???? I tried to write a nicer one after and all she said is "You do that everytime, you never think before you speak and then you'll say the most messed up things to me and try to apoligze after the damnage has already been done!" Since this convo I've writen her an e-mail. Saying at the top "My Last E-Mail" I wrote her this on the 5th of July and it's now been 7 days since then, she has e-mailed me back the next day but I did not respond. I am in the process of doing NC.

 

 

I could only hope that by the way I acted at frist to the break up...getting pissed, making her feel guilty, putting the blame on her, that it's not too late and she'll see that I am working on myself right now so that this does not happen again in the future. Here is my last e-mail to her

 

 

Dear Jenn

 

 

I'm writing this letter to you on the 4th of July, The reason I am not sending it until now it cuz it just wasn't the right time before. I've drove you crazy enough this last week and by the convo I just read the night I went to the bar you seem really really pissed off at me. So I just figured I'd give you some time to cool off. First of all I need to apoligize for my actions in response to your e-mail. I shouldn't of been that harsh, yes I do speak before I think, and I do get very defencive when I'm hurt. I remember telling you that when we first started talking agian. Although I didn't think I would ever be that way to you. I did over react to that e-mail. You did the right thing by breaking up with me. Not only for the reasons of us not being able to see eachother that much or the fact that our lives are very busy right now but most of all for me. I am not saying that cuz it's all about me. I wont lie I do tend to get a bit selfish at times and I think maybe I might of got too selfish by not just listening to you when we talked about a break. I was only thinking of myself, I should of known what you were going threw at the time, I should of thought harder at how much pressure was being put on you in your life. It's def. something I need to work on. I didn't put myself in your shoes and look at it threw your eyes. The reason I say you made the right move by breaking up with me is because I really do need to be alone right now. Most people that just get out of a marriage always seem to rush into a relationship, they see it as a healing prosess but sometimes it can only make things worse. The reason I told you that one night that You saved my life once is because you did. I can't even begin to tell you how depressed I was when I finally filed for divorce and my wife had left to move in with her aunt. I lost 10 pounds in one week from not eating. But when I started to talk to you alot more and once I got back home and we talked on the phone alot I started to get alot better....here was someone that knew exactly what I was going threw. Because when everone else would say * * * * like "Well your still a young guy, it's not the end of the world" or "You guys didn't have any kids, it's a clean break, you'll never have to even talk to her ever again if you don't want to" like it's so damn easy to get over someone that you thought you were going to spend the rest of your life with. And you Jenn were the only one who could understand that pain. You went threw the same thing I did minus the married part. But I'm sure you had thought about it one day happening. You helped me not only feel better about myself but made me find hope again, made me feel like I ment something to someone.. You loved me, you cared about me. And I'll never forget that EVER. I don't even think I could posibably be where I am right now if it wasn't for you. I couldn't talk to my parents about it, I couldn't even talk to my friends about it. But I could tell you anything, and it made me feel so good. I only wish I had just listend to you and not my heart when we talked about taking a break. I can only hope that someday you can find it in your heart to forgive me for what I said in that e-mail. I really am working on saying * * * * before I think. But that e-mail was just all my emotions coming out all at once. I was hurt and that's how I reacted. I didn't know how to feel, I was scared, I was confused. I didn't know what you were feeling. Here you were trying to save us by doing something neither of us really wanted to happen and I acted like an * * * hole. I also hope we can talk again one day the way we used to. And maybe even one day if those feelings are still there maybe I could even get a second chance to make things right the next time around. But mostly I just hope you can forgive me. I really never ment to hurt you the way I did and I should of been more understanding. Hopefully this time alone will help me to work out my problems and learn to trust again and break some really bad habbits that I had when I was with my ex. I also want you to know that I really really did not intend to make you feel guilty, I was hurt, I wanted to express what I was feeling at the time and the last thing I wanted was to put all the blame on you. If it did come out that way then I'm a jerk, there are some things I put in there that I could see why you would think that. But anyway I am going on and on here so I will stop now. Just remember that I love you very much, I miss the times we spent together and I hope that someday we can share that time again. Good Bye For Now But Not Forever Love Phil

[Luck of the Irish]

Be strong my friend! You made a hard relationship last as long as you did, so that speaks volumes of your character. Any single one of those circumstances taken from your list can cause a severe strain on and even end a relationship. Not to mention all of them. I can't blame you for writing an email out of anger. We all give in to emotion, and most of the time it's worse than an email. Be strong. You have big shoes to fill.

 

I'm writing this letter to you on the 4th of July

A good choice of days too. Considering that it is Independence Day!

 

-Tyler

[mikeywins21]

Phil,

 

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately.. and I really think we should break up.. God knows how long its going to be until I have time to break away from my jobs and come see you.. as it is, it looks like I wouldn't be able to see you until Sept. Its not fair that you have to keep coming down here.. Plus I need to start saving my money so I can get my own place again, and it costs a lot to come up there.. I'm sorry.. I know I've been off for the past couple weeks, and this is mostly the reason why.. Don't get me wrong, I love you, but I can't be in a relationship right now.. I just don't have time.. Please don't take this the wrong way, I'm not doing this to hurt you.. If we keep going on the way we are, we're not going to be able to salvage any type of friendship.. But hopefully in time we can talk again, and become the friends we once were.. and remember, i do love you..

 

Jenn

[Luck of the Irish]

it looks like I wouldn't be able to see you until Sept. Its not fair that you have to keep coming down here..

This is the typical "It's not you, it's me" response. She is trying to get rid of her guilt and pain for doing this. It's a LIE!

 

Plus I need to start saving my money so I can get my own place again, and it costs a lot to come up there..

If this is what she wanted, why is she making more excuses?

 

Don't get me wrong, I love you

Love is patient, love is kind. And love is not something you fall in and out of. It's a personal choice you make everyday. And this day it wasn't made. Another lie.

 

I'm not doing this to hurt you

But it is the biggest side effect of the process. Still trying to assuage guilt.

 

But hopefully in time we can talk again, and become the friends we once were

She wants you in her life as a friend?!?!?! Sick. Run far, far away and stick to that no contact. She wants you around in case she needs something from you in the future.

 

I defer to my above post. Keep up the good work brotha!

 

-Tyler

[mikeywins21]

I'm sorry for being so nasty to you.. Its just that I know we need to be finished for now, and you were making it harder and harder for me to do it..

 

Stop apologizing to me.. we just rushed into things even though we said we weren't.. neither one of us is ready for this kind of relationship..

 

This email has to be short and sweet.. I'm like severely overworked and I'm passed exhausted.. Which kind of explains why i've been so short with you lately.. Don't take it personally.. I've been nasty to everyone this week.. You know how I am when I don't sleep.. I'll talk to you later

[Allie.]

i think thats closure for you.

i think you need to start NC and stick with it for the time being.

[mikeywins21]

I've been doing NC since the day she sent me that

 

 

What I don't understand is why she keeps on with the "We need to be finished for now"

Either she wants out for good or she wants to work on her life and when that's sorted out she wants to revisit the posibilty of us getting back together......

[kellbell]

Mikey,

 

I mentioned this to you before. Do not go by her words, go by her actions. Her actions show she wants does not want the relationship. This is why I think when people say,

 

"for now..."

 

"let's see how things are apart"

 

"I need a break..."

 

I want to see what's out there..."

 

Are very cruel statments. Your feelings and emotions on this clearly show me why I think this is so. Either the person wants in or out. No wishy-washy stuff. Take it as a breakup, forget the "for now..." That is BS. I am so sorry this happened but IMO, when someone truly wants to be with the other person and truly loves the person, he/she will not end the relationship. No if's, and's or but's about it. Stay strong and hang in there.

[mikeywins21]

See why girls have such a bad name, cuz of all the girls that say "For now" or "We need a break" the one's that like to have you hangin by a string while they go out and do whatever they want to. Why can't all girls just tell the damn truth, say why they want it over and hurt the person. So what if I'm a nice guy. I can be just as much an ***hole. as well. So I'd rather just hear "I can't do this anymore I'm sorry but I just don't want to be with you" then "well we just need to do this for now" Girls take some advice from a nice guy, JUST TELL THE TRUTH, I know you want to stay friends but even in a perfect world that can not happen.

 

 

Sure I'm still frineds with alot of my ex's. but that's cuz I came to terms why things didn't work out and why they never could work out. There was closure there and in my sistuation now it's hard for me to find closure seeing as she's got me on this string and couldn't just come out and tell me why it's over. And just say it's over for good.

[kellbell]

" See why girls have such a bad name,"

"Why can't all girls just tell the damn truth,"

 

 

Please do not generalize here. Women AND men do it. I have personal experience with an ex pulling the same BS on me. I know plenty of guys whom rather give the runaround rather than being honest. I have also seen it many times on these boards as well.

[mikeywins21]

I didn't mean to put all girls in this catagory but for the one's that read this that have made that mistke in the past, STOP DOING IT. If you want the guy to still be in your life as a Friend then tell him that. If he can't come to terms with that then get over it, chances are you don't want him as a friend anyway. Not right away at least. most of the ex's I talk to I didn't talk to till months and months later. And it was to say I was sorry for acting like a baby when they broke up with me. But you can't just break up with a guy or girl and then say "hey let's be friends still" and expect them to be ok with that. Put yourself in our shoes, Would you want to be friends with someone that just tore your heart out of your chest???? Could you even handle seeing that person knowning you'll never be with them again. NO!!! so don't expect us to do that. Give it time. If they are a good person they will come back as your frined ONE day not right away but one day they will.

[kellbell]

Mikey,

 

I feel it would be a better fit if you addressed your statements to EVERYONE. Not just to women.

[Allie.]

haha. hmm. i think a lot of guys do the same thing...

 

either way, i don't think its a gender-based thing...i just think deep down inside we're all confused messes trying to discover who we are and our "niche" in the world...and in the process we end up loving some and hurting some.

 

yup bro...ya lose some and ya gain some. =/

 

Allie.

[mikeywins21]

I'm not even gonna argue but I don't know if I've ever heard a guy say "It's not you It's Me" I mean guys are mostly jerks, yeah we don't want to hurt someone but in the past if I've broken up with someone I'll tell them why. I tell them it's cuz of something they did or I just can't take it anymore. I've never used a lame excuess like "I just need some space" or "this is just for now" But either way I'm sorry if I ofended any girls by putting all the blame on you. You can't really be mad at me seeing as it's happened to me just now. Ofcourse I'm gonna be bitter at this time in my life.

[mikeywins21]

Why all these games!!!????!!! So now I signed on to MySpace to check my mail from this girl I talk to alot as a friend and I notice that my ex did another survey on there. So I decided to check her page cuz I'm weak. It's hard enough not to call her or e-mail her and find out why she's just forgotten about me. Well about a week after she broke up with me she had droped me down to #6 on her Friends list, I kept her at #1 cuz I don't play games. Well finally today I dropped her down to #6, I thought it would only be fair since she did it to me and we never talk anymore. So this morning I hop on MySpace like I said and checked her page, I'm not on her top friends list at all, and she's got like 16 on her's. So I guess I took her off too. I just hate these stupid games. I mean she's obviously still thinkin about me. She obviously still checks my page still. What do I do. Should I be the bigger person here and just call her to find out why she's acting like a little kid????

[kadvati79]

I'm going to be honest here. Frankly, you are playing a game with yourself here. From what I can tell, she has just moved on. To you, that seems like she is hurting you. But what is hurting you is the residual feelings you have for her. Unfortunately, when someone we love walks out the door, all bets are off.

 

You feel like she is playing games but to be honest, I think she is just doing her best to not think of you at the moment. If you aren't careful, she won't think of you fondly in the future. What you need to do is stop playing the game too. Thats what NC is about, its about not playing the game which really only you are participating in. Its a game nobody wins.

[kellbell]

Mikey,

 

I am with icemotoboy. You are playing games too and forgive me for saying this but you sound like a little kid that no one wants to sit with you at lunchtime or being picked last for a game of kickball.

 

Stop worrying about her and what she is doing. She has made it clear (her actions) she does not want to be in a relationship with YOU. She has time to chat with this guy Chris, organize her friendlist on her MySpace page and chat with others. But she did not have time for you, that is a clear sign she is not interested in the relationship with you. I am so sorry but it is the truth.

 

I would do total NC with her, meaning no chatting, checking her profile, nothing of the kind. Get your life back on track. I think now this is boiling down to "wanting what you cannot have." There are plenty of other girls out there whom WILL have the time for you, even if they are working 3 jobs. Hang in there, if you give yourself a break, and things will get better.

[mikeywins21]

She's the one that started to play the stupid games, not me. I'm more mature that than, When she dropped me to #6 on her friends list, I just looked at that and smiled, I left her at #1 for weeks after that, I didn't let it bug me. But the more and more that we didn't talk at all and the more I started to talk to other girls as friends I decided to just go ahead and drop her to #6 like she did me. It was only fair I guess. I just don't see why she's gotta do whatever she can to get me pissed, Like putting up the away messages about talkin to Chris, Ever since I blocked her she hasn't put one away message up about him or anything. Cuz one day I broke down and Unblocked her and all it said was that she had a long day at work and was sleeping. I know my ex, I know that she's just doing this to drive me up the wall, get me to break and contact her and yell and find out what the hell is going on with her. And this Chris guy is just a friend of hers, they hung out on one of her days off of work last week with him and his g/f. Don't ask me how I know this. I wish I could just go up to the familys lake house for the rest of the month with No phone and no computer and no cable, just me myself and God.

[kellbell]

"I know my ex, I know that she's just doing this to drive me up the wall, get me to break and contact her and yell and find out what the hell is going on with her."

 

If you know her and know why she is doing this, then it would not bother you and you should ignore it. Even though you have no contact her about this, she still has power over you indirectly because you are still checking up on her and getting miffed about her games. Take complete power back, ignore her, ignore her games, ignore her profile and so forth.

[mikeywins21]

your right, I'm not gonna give into her games. I've never been this strong in my life. I mean it's takin me everything in my will power not to call or IM or e-mail but sometimes I do have to check my MySpace. I do have other friends on there that e-mail me and I help them out with there problems and such, so it's kinda hard to avoid. She has to know by now that I've blocked her on AIM and stuff so she's doing the MySpace as a last resort cuz she knows I check it everyday. I wont let this get to me. I shouldn't let this get to me. She shouldn't have this much power over me seeing as she was the one that wanted to take "a break" or whatever the hell that means.

[kellbell]

Sure, you can check MySpace BUT do not check her profile. Do what you have to do and then log off. The more you do it, the more it will get easier to avoid her altogether but you have to start somewhere.

[mikeywins21]

Here's one question that most people on here that are doing NC might want answered. What do you do if the person that wanted to take a break from you would rather live the rest of there life being miserable then to just break down and contact you first, I mean what if they really are that stubborn that they would be unhappy then to just go with what there heart says and call you?????

[kellbell]

UGH Mikey!

 

Forget her stubborness, her hardheadedness, her games....if she is miserable, that is her problem. It is not for you to worrry about anymore. When you worry about yourself, your actions, and how you react to matters, life gets a hell a lot easier.

 

You cannot control what others do, say, or feel. Only YOU can control how you react and act in situations.

[mikeywins21]

--------------OCTOBER -------------------

~Loves to chat.

~Loves those who love them.

~Loves to takes things at the center.

~Inner and physical beauty.

~Lies but doesn't pretend.

~Gets angry often.

~Treats friends importantly.

~Brave and fearless.

~Always making friends.

~Easily hurt but recovers easily.

~Daydreamer.

~Opinionated.

~Does not care to control emotions.

~Unpredictable.

~Extremely smart, but definitely the hottest AND sexiest of them all.

NOTICE HOW IT SAYS EASILY HURT BUT RECOVERS EASILY!!

I Knew It Would Just Be A Matter Of Time Before I Did.

[kadvati79]

NOTICE HOW IT SAYS EASILY HURT BUT RECOVERS EASILY!!

I Knew It Would Just Be A Matter Of Time Before I Did.

Beware of what I call "flash emotions".

 

link removed Definition:

"A rapidly moving flame front which can be a combustion explosion. Flash fire may occur in an environment where fuel and air become mixed in adequate concentrations to combust...flash fire has a heat flux of approximately 84 kW/m2 for relatively short periods of time, typically less than 3 seconds."

 

I find its a great parallel to those emotions which occur very suddenly, very intensely, in the presense of some sort of emotional trauma. Unfortunately, these emotions last a very short time. I think you will miss her sometimes and sometimes you will be fine, roll with it. Slowly you will miss her less and less, and then just in different ways.