Could this be a test of true love?

[anonymous_11]

My girlfriend broke up with me after being together for three and a half years. We've had some bumps in the relationship, but nothing like this.

 

Her reason for the break up is that she felt trapped in the relationship. She said that she is not ready to settle on her life without exploring other possibilities. This was about a week ago, and already she is dating someone new.

 

Right now I'm really trying to figure out if this new guy is someone she felt like leaving me for, or if he's just someone to date because he's not me. Does that make sense? Basically does she think he's a big improvement, or did she choose him because she felt like exploring something new, like she said? Has someone experienced this before?

 

I feel like if she wanted to break things off she should have done so when she was feeling trapped. Instead it's like she dumped me specifically for someone else, and it makes me feel like crap.

 

I felt really low for the first few days, but I haven't made any contact with her. I feel like if she does really love me she will make her way back into my life, and if not then I'm already preparing to move on.

 

I would like to know if anyone has gone through something similar where the dumper came back after leaving and the relationship flourished. What about the contrary? Did she come back only to repeat the same act?

 

I really love her, and I'm missing her and what we had.

[ShroomzGod]

I hate to say it but it does sound like she left you for someone new. That's not to say that she will stay with him. You are doing the right thing by going No Contact. Stick with it and she may come back. For now you should go out and date other girls. Don't feel bad we here have all been through it. If she loves you she will be back. Just remember that.

[BetterKarma]

Welcome to Enotalone!

 

I'm sorry to hear about your heartbreak. I know it's hard but you have to let her go. I'm assuming she's about your age and probably hasn't been with anyone else besides you. She probably had her eye out for the new guy before she decided to break up with you.

 

Let her go and sow her oats. She just need to experience dating others, just like you do. She might come back and might not. Keep up with NC and go out and date other women. See if she's who you really want to be with too. That way if she does come back to you, you know your answer as well. It doesn't have to be just her decision to come back or not. You have just as much control.

[007]

Hey man, I'm in your same position. Got dumped by my ex of 3 years, and she had a new guy very, very soon after she left me.

 

It's BS, but it's been 8 months already that she's gone. Maybe your ex will come back, 'cause mine hasn't come back. To be honest, mine probably won't even attempt to ever come back. Maybe your's is different, I hope she is.

 

Regardless, just remember who you are homie. This new guy isn't you, and everything that you did for your ex can never be duplicated by a new cat.

 

Oh, and listen to BetterKarma, 'cause she's a true genius with lots of knowledge.

 

-007

[anonymous_11]

BetterKarma,

 

You nailed it on the head. We were each other's first love. I think you're right about her having her eye out for her new gentleman friend before the break up.

 

They met each other just very recently at a summer job they started three weeks ago, and it pains me to think of her being with someone she hardly knows.

 

The job program they're in ends at the end of this month, and I'm positive he's going away to school in mid-August.

 

Is it safe to say if she comes around again in August that maybe she'd be coming back for the wrong reasons? This is all speculation of course, but I was really good to her!

[BetterKarma]

Now now, 007. Don't say things that aren't true. I'm no genius. knowledgable?...maybe....but no genius. LOL =)

 

You have to let go because you have no choice. The decision was not yours and nothing you can do will change her mind for her. Live your life, the world is not going to stop because she's no longer in your life. You have to let go of any bitterness, anger, hatred, etc. in order to truly move on and let go.

 

This goes for you too 007. =)

[007]

Told you she was a genius...haha.

 

-007

[BetterKarma]

A-11, she left for you someone else. She's exploring herself with someone else. And here you are asking everyone whether or not she will come back. Wondering minute by minute, second by second if she's thinking about you or missing you. I can tell you by experience that she is thinking about you and missing you however, whether or not she is going to come back is another story.

 

To be honest, I did exactly what your ex did before. And I mean exactly. The whole "trapped" thing and new man right afterwards. Which is why I can say that she had her eye on the new guy before she decided to break up with you. I never went back to my ex however, I can't say whether or not yours will.

 

Do you really want to be the fall back guy though? You deserve better than that. Which is why I am saying for you go out and have your fun too. Discover who you are and who you want to be. There are lots of great available women out there, especially at your age.

 

I know dating right now might be a little much for you and that you might not be ready. If that is the case, then go out and join a club. Do something that you could never do when you had a gf. Join a rock climbing class! =)

[007]

See man, my ex also left as we started the new semester at Community College together.

 

See, all these new cats chasing after her, etc. I honestly think that it was just too much for her to not want to try and be with someone new. It's messed up, but the truth.

 

We started classes in mid-September, and she was through with me in the middle-end of October. Maybe mine will realize that she made a mistake, but maybe I'll also catch Santa Claus one of these years as well. (If I do, I'ma jack his @$$! Haha...) But honestly though, you know what I'm saying? There's just too many possibilities and what if's and all that BS.

 

Just take your time, and try and heal...it's all we can really try and do. It's been 8 months for me, and I still miss her, etc. But I stopped holding my breath waiting for her to come back to me. I just don't want you to go through what I went through.

 

In time you will see the truth...because time reveals all truths. If she does in fact come back to you as the fall back guy, then you need to tell her and show her you ain't available. Once she does that to you, she'll surely do it again.

 

-007

[BetterKarma]

Yes, 007, however, like A-11's ex, your ex is also very young. You were her first real bf too. Your ex is only 19 007 and unfortunately at that age, you change alot and want to experience many different things.

 

Remember when you were 19? How much have you changed now? I would imagine a lot. I know I did.

[bobo85]

same thing sort of happened to me. She said she needed space and time and blah blah blah. Of course i loved her so i believed her. Little did i know she dumped me for this new guy she had been spending a lot of time with even while still in a relationship with me. Of course i was clueless because i didn't want to be a controling bf but i did see some red flags.

 

trust me...you will feel this "hope" for a few weeks but it will die down. NEVER and i repeat never go back to a woman who dumps you for another guy. that means ur second best and no one wants to be second best in their lover's eyes. So after your "hope" dies down...you will begin to see the truth. You will see that your gf is nothing amazing. She has flaws...just like everyone else. Its just that she is perfect in your eyes for now. But that will soon change and when you do have an eye on a certain girl and you think about this new girl more...you know that you are healing and moving on.

 

Its been about 4 months after my breakup with my ex-gf of 3 years and she has contacted me a few times about being friends and such but i have no intentions of being friends with her. Why you ask? Because being friends with her will only delay my process of finding someone new. And of course...ex's can't really be true friends. It would be hard to hear her talk about her new bf and i'm sure it would be weird for her if i told her i just got laid last night. So for now...i can be civil towards her but no where near friends.

 

good luck and PM me if you need it.

[007]

Bozo, I mean Bobo, that was a good post...I agree about that whole 2nd best BS. Remember: 2nd place is the 1st loser.

 

And BetterKarma is a psychic genius...nowhere did I tell her the age of my ex, and she knew that she was 19! Absolutely amazing! This girl is miraculous!

 

-007

[FCTex]

My ex was with me 1.5 years. She left me for someone else at 20... She was going through alot of changes, and we kinda just had some friction during that time, I guess it was an easy escape.

 

11 months later, she's ditched the guy, and is seemingly trying to attempt to come back to me. I'm taking it slow and cautious. I do love her, but I've realized in 11 months that she was gone, and I moved on, and I got over it all..

 

But most of all, I love myself more, and didn't feel like hurting forever over someone who felt I was worth losing. Regardless of it all, I forgive, and I forget, and I love her still, just as she tells me she still loves me.

 

You can look up my posts, I've gone through the same thing, only, I'm close to a year into my break up.

 

check it out.

[anonymous_11]

FCTex thank you for sharing. I think what BetterKarma said is true that I'm really hung up on this situation on whether I could take her back. You're all so right about letting time pass. Although I'm missing her bad right now, I can't change anything without breaking NC, and if I do that then I'm dead in the water. Basically what I was looking for was an excuse to take her back if the time comes, but I shouldn't even worry about that right now.

 

Thanks guys

[vjg13]

I'm on my 3rd breakup in the last 2 years with my girlfriend of 6 years all 3 times she left me for another guy. So yeah she came back repeated the act came back repeated the act. And everytime the same thing she wants to see whats out there. I mean come on wasn't the other 2 times enough. The other 2 times we still maintained contact but this time it's been NC. I don't think I would take her back now. I think the 1st time the guy just lost interest in her. The 2nd time the guy left back to the army before they even got to go out on a date. It's like I've been there just until something better comes along. I feel so stupid but I allowed it to happen. If I would have left her or not accepted her back I can guarantee she would be the one chasing now but that should have been done from the get go. It's too late now she has lost all respect for me. In her mind I am weak and needy.

[007]

Vjg13, are we the same exact people?

 

Same thing with me...this is the 3rd time of her leaving, and this time I believe she's gone forever.

 

-007

[vjg13]

What makes you think it's forever this time 007? For me I'm sure it's done because we have never gone this long with no contact. The other times we still maintained contact but this time I couldn't get near her. She was just so cold to me. Pushed me away so easily and started being out late with this new guy.

 

oh ok I think I read that its been some months of no contact with you so yeah. Young girls are hard she wasn't my first love but I was hers and that can be bad because that thought of "experiencing"(sleeping) with someone else is always in the back of their mind. She's been with me from 17-22. Maybe I did keep her from being free at that time in life when people want to have as much fun as possible. She thanked me for always being there for her and that she would always be there no matter what. Even up until the week before. She very frequently brought up marriage too. With all these signs I though I had finally got her back for good. What a turnaround. Maybe I took to long to propose? All these what ifs.

[Riley99]

I think the key is to move on. If she broke up with you for another man, she can't fault you for dating around. I suspect that she was taking you and your love for granted, thinking that you would and will always be around. The true test is to find someone new who is worthwhile, date them, and see if she realizes what she has lost. My ex broke up with me and even encouraged me to date other guys. When I did, he came back begging. It's not to say that this will work, but it often just happens that way. Good luck.

[007]

Vjg...like I said...Are we the same exact people? Only thing is:

 

I let her go out and do things, completely trusted her, but she just got influenced by 2 people that can't even run their own lives: Her 2 female cousins who are more like wrong "friends" than they are her family.

 

-007

[mikeca]

jesus I've already changed so much from 19-21..

[jacoby03]

vjg13,

 

my story is really similar to yours. last summer she broke up with me for her cousin's friend whom she only knew for a week. he was out here for summer vacation and when he went back home to the east coast after they spent a week together it took only month before she wanted me back (he had a gf back home, promised my ex he'd break it off with his gf, never did bc he was a scumbag, just like i predicted to her). i didn't do NC then. i was sappy and depressing, needy and clingy and she still wanted to hang out. i got back together with her instantly and forgave her bc i thought the whole situation was my fault. that was my biggest mistake.

 

now just 3 weeks ago she broke up with me again bc she said she wanted to date other people, and i found out a week later she had already had her eyes set on someone before the breakup. it's quite similar to your second break up bc this new guy has to go back to school out of state in a month. this time around i KNOW that there is nothing wrong with me and that it is all her. im doing NC bc either im moving on or she needs time to reflect on her actions and see if she does really love me.

 

NC is pretty hard when you've spent a large portion of your life with one person who has been your love and best friend. NC is defintely the best option for us bc our exes cannot treat us like safety nets and we have to earn their respect.

 

as for this thread i think if the ex comes back for the right reasons and love is really there then it can be worked out.

[007]

Wow...Jacoby03...I think we're one in the same as well.

 

-007

[BetterKarma]

Ok guys, (I'm not sure if there are any women on this thread except for me) if a girl tells you that she feels trapped or that she needs a break or that she wants to date someone else and immediately starts to date someone else then that means she has been emotionally cheating on you before the break up. They're not worth your time to analyze what or how they said anything or doing.

 

They're not on forums wallowing in their sorrow and pondering about you guys right now. They're out having fun with the new guy. thereforeeee you guys should do the same.

 

Go out...party....have fun....meet new people....get new hobbies.

 

Your exes will think about you and miss you. I guarantee they will because after the excitment is over with the new guy, they will go through their mourning process for the death of your relationship. They are pre-occupied now which is why they seem like they don't really care about you. But They will miss you and think about you. Whether or not they decide to come back is and should be irrelevant in your healing process. Holding on to hope only prolongs YOUR pain.

 

Letting go and moving on with your life is the only way for you to feel like yourself again. Because contrary to how you guys may feel right now, the world keeps on turning and your life keeps on going. Be kind to yourself, you've had enough hurt by someone else. You deserve better. Chin up!!

[007]

Another piece of great advice from the Yoda of ENA...BetterKarma.

 

This woman's AMAZING...

 

-007

[vjg13]

better karma,

 

I know what you mean about being too occupied to mourn the raltionship while with the new guy. There was one girl I had to leave because she was cheating but I didn't want to. I cried even though I was the one breaking it off. She seemed fine and dandy. I got over her pretty fast. 2 months later I get a call from her out of the blue crying blaming me for everything that went wrong in the relationship. I almost got mad at times because that was long gone for me and I wanted to hang up but I kept my cool and listened. It wasn't a trying to get back together thing I guess more of a closure on her end finally. So yeah It might happen it might not but they have to be keeping of you that im sure of.