Letters to ourselves

[lioness726]

You had been feeling down. You had been feeling depressed. You've been thinking of all the good times. And how wonderful things were... at times. You had been thinking of how amazing things could have been.

 

So, you have been feeling depressed. You don't know what to do or where to turn. You're in a bad spot because all the anger, heart break, jealousy, and confusion you had been feeling while you were with him, is now gone. Because the relationship is gone. All you are left with now is the love you had for him. Or still have. Only time will tell.

 

But you're thinking of the past. It doesn't matter anymore. And even though that statement hurts you, it should also bring you some peace. All those fights and issues you had with him aren't there to bother or stress you out anymore. The only person who can truly make you unhappy is yourself. And you know you will never do that.

 

So what if he's not with you? So what if he's hitting on other girls? So what if you're not his priority anymore?

 

He's not with you because he doesn't deserve you. And he's hitting on those girls because he's lonely. He does miss you. And whatever girl he hits on and happens to score with, will be nothing compared to you. She'll be ugly and/or trashy. You're not his priority because he's NOT YOUR'S.

 

Don't idolize someone that's completely not worth idolizing. You hurt because you dwell on the past and things that you think you don't/can't have because you're not worthy or good enough.

 

But you know that's not true. You don't have them because there's something better waiting. Because they don't deserve you. You ARE amazing. And just because some guy (who happens to be fabulous with you in bed), "rejects" you, does NOT mean that you're not worthy. You don't need a little man like him. You need YOU.

 

So hang on. Hang in there. You're doing good. I know you're sad because you realize that there really isn't any turning back at this point and you miss the past... But... There will be better times ahead. You will be successful with this. You will lead the life you dreamed.

[oncews]

oncews,

 

You are wondering what is happening. You are wondering what the hell went on. It will show itself in time. The immense anguish and sadness you feel right now is temporary. You know this. You know that it will fade into the darkness.

 

You are questioning yourself right now but there is so much good in you that it's hard to see. He saw that, then snatched it away. The time will come when both situations will fade.

 

The hurt you feel now, the intense emotional detachment is nothing to dismiss. It is strong and powerful. Let yourself be succumed by the emotional strain of it all. You can get through this, right now, you don't see how, but you will. I promise.

[EricAK]

Eric,

 

What the hell is WRONG with you? When you first started seeing Abby you had insticts going off left and right. You could SEE she had issues and was someone to proceed with extreme caution with.

 

BUT, you made the choice to date her and become involved, and you believed her sweet tender words becauuse it had been so long since someone had said those things to you. The promises made "we will never hurt each other" "forever" and such all coming from her mouth.

 

Eric, you had red flags going up because she wanted to go so fast. She was saying she loved you within a week and was pressuring YOU to say the same. She pushed to not have the distance in the relationship, and you allowed her to start the process of moving up to Haines with you.

 

And all the while, you saw her son behaving in without boundaries and she sarted looking at you as a human ATM. But still you believed. And then she said she was most likely not able to get pregnant due to losing an ovary during the dlievery of her son, and you believed her. And then she was pregnant. She emailed and joked and made fun happy words about being pregnant, but when it happened and YOU KNOW SHE TRIED INTENTIONALLY, all hell broke lose and you weren't allowed a voice.

 

COME ON ERIC, you made the decision that she wsa wrong for you and YOU had begun ending the relationship. So why are you now wanting her back? Why are you clinging to this bad relationship you wanted over? It is because you are scared, a bit anchorless and tired of being alone. You have been down this road before and are afriad of the time it will take before somoen else is attracted to your fun nature and your passion for the wilderness. But right now all that is gone and you are alone a adrift, you aren't even sure where you are going to be this winter.

 

And you miss the IDEA of a stable home with her and her son, having someone home when you finsih work, and juist sharing your life with someone. But she wasn't the one Eric. She lied and played games. This after she said she would never play games.

 

Eric, you need to grow a spine and get back into life. Stop looking behind you and move forward and live in the moment.

 

Be a good man, and remind yourself that you can create a new life somewhere else. Juneau is not the place for you, it is her home. And you must now leave her behind and think of a fresh start. It sucks but it is what you have to do.

 

Eric

[Coyote9]

Hey Coyote...It's been one hell of a 9 month stretch...first feeling like a human yo yo in and out of the relationship with Li**y, as you would open yourself more and more to making yourself vulnerable to her in hopes she might finally have the courage to do the same, only to find, while she couldn't seem to stay away from you for very long, she couldn't sustain any sort of committment to you either. Her fears prevented her from exploring what an amazing relationship you could have had.

 

You gave so much and it has affected your health and your state of mind now for almost a year, especially in the 3 months since she left once and for all. It's not about her anymore, her fears, her false intentions, her words of uncertainty and confusion, it's about you my friend. Your hopes and dreams and your future. I'm so proud that you've not contacted her in these past nearly 100 days. I know it hurts so much as she's moved on and hasn't tried to contact you either, but you have finally accepted that it's over. The cycle of reconciliation and breakup has been broken forever.

 

She is poison for you, the cowardly ways she left you and the way you were given no say at all in discussing how the relationship should end. She will never help tie up those loose ends, never. That's for you to do on your own and you are doing it.

 

I know you long for not just her, but for a successful, passionate long term relationship with someone who feels about you as you do her. That will happen for you in time. You don't need to fear or despair that it won't nor push yourself into situations that aren't the right ones for you.

 

You are intelligent, intuitive, and deeply self aware. Those are all wonderful things that Li**y felt so threatened by, but the right partner will see as characteristics that are incredible. Keep going. You can do this and you are doing it!

L