further back

[blueberrypie]

So I was trying to get back on my 'normal' life.

And the N. Korea shoot 12 missiles. How are they related? My ex is in rural China, right northern to N. Korea. He was supposed to stay there for about 6 months--summer and fall semester. After that N. Korea, first thing came to my mind was 'maybe he will come back after the summer semester because his parents will worry about their son's security.' And I'm almost sure that if he comes back right after the summer he most probably will come back to me. Call me naive. But China was the only reason that we broke up as far as I know. If he comes back, he most probably need to work, and the only option for him is my town. There will be no more physical separation between us. So he will most probably come back to me.

But at the same time I'm protecting myself with thought that he will not come back because I 'need' him. I can manage to live without him for few months or even few years, but I'm afraid of living w/o him for ever. So....it makes me very vulnerable. If he comes back right now, I don't think I can argue or reason with him. I would be just very glad that he's back, which would make me less attractive to him. So...the key is I have to let him go. I have to move on. If he comes back, I can worry about that then. If he doesn't come back, it would be okay because I've already moved on. But how can I truly move on?

[robowarrior]

I don't see that relation at all, if china was the only reason then personally i think the field is wide open for you two to be in a relationship again. In emotional sense nothing is wrong between you, rather in environmental sense there is, and soon to be was. But that's no reason for you to distantiate yourself from him.

[blueberrypie]

I hope so.

But does that reason make sense to you? If we love each other, shouldn't this physical distance be in our way? Or it was just his excuse, so I should ignore that and move on anyways?

[backinlife]

I hope so.

But does that reason make sense to you? If we love each other, shouldn't this physical distance be in our way? Or it was just his excuse, so I should ignore that and move on anyways?

 

I understand what you are saying. I have huge problems with his reason for breaking up on a logical and on a emotional plane. Logically, 6 months are nithing compared to a lifetime. If you are going to be apart for 6 months, even though communication will be hard and even though he will make a lot of experiences you can't share, it is completely feasible to find a solution for this WITHIN a relationship. I don't see the reason for breaking up. I assume you are a reasonable person and you two could have worked out a way of dealing with that other than breaking up, if he would only have considered the possibility.

 

On the emotional plane, breaking up seems really cruel. He is going away, leaving you behind allthough he knows you are hurting. The message is somehow, whenever things are less than perfect, I can't have you in my life... Maybe he is confused about what is an appropriate weight to put on you. Maybe he feels he can't demand from you that you wait for him. Maybe he wants to se what else life has to offer. Maybe he feels that he is doing something so new, that he needs to be alone in order to grow from it. Maybe he is isecure about whether he wants to be with you and thereforeeee has the decency to leave you.... YOu had a long relationship before that, maybe he just needs to me reminded of how much you meant to each other. And maybe that will happen.

 

But you are 100% right, if he comes back now, nothing has changed, you would never know why he came back. Out of curiosity, out of lonelyness, out of convenience? If he finds that he loves you, not for your past, but for who you are, without all the history and the common experiences, but for who you are now, then he will make an effort.

 

Hope you are doing ok, I am so much on the verge of dialing his number today that i have to call up friends all the time.... Day 8 NC

 

Mona

[blueberrypie]

mona: good job calling your friends instead of your ex. And that's how you heard that encouraging story somewhere else. So it was good for many people. =)

Thank you for your encouragement. Today was better than yesterday. Hope tomorrow will be even better.