You find love when you stop looking?

[tkdfan]

Well I've not been looking for love for absolutely ages, and what have I found?

 

Absolutely nothing!

[enchanted771]

Is the statement "When you stop looking for love you will find it" true? I hear it a lot but have trouble undterstanding it. If you really want love how do you stop yourself from looking for it? How do you define "looking" or "not looking for love"? how do you not look for love? And does it really come when you don't look?

 

I do agree with this statement. I think it will come when you least expect it. And who know where, when or how you will meet him.

[Clarity]

I think this is one of those self-fulfilling statements. It's almost impossible to predict how you'll meet someone - so of course it will almost always happen in an unexpected way, which will make you think that you weren't looking for *that* particular way of meeting someone. Also, how many people are going to admit - "yeah, I was desperately looking for someone when I met my SO"?!

 

Sure, sometimes it happens when you stop looking, but I think this is more a case of people wanting to be a part of this statement in hindsight.

[MD Geist]

Well I've not been looking for love for absolutely ages, and what have I found?

 

Absolutely nothing!

 

same here your not alone.

[Jason_H]

I'd have to say it's true. For one thing, none of the relationships I've ever been involved with were a result of my trying to find someone. They quite literally came to me.

Second, a few years ago I was actively trying to find someone. I joined online dating services, went out a lot, went to parties and gatherings, etc. When it was said and done, after 6 months of effort, I was still alone. Two weeks after I stopped trying, however, I met someone that I ended up having a 3 year relationship with.

[somethngwrng]

I spent my entire life to date "not looking", and where has it got me? I'm a 24 year old virgin who completely fails with women. I am not unattractive, I am not devoid of goals, I am not stupid and I am not overweight. Now that I am "looking", it is opening my eyes to the many changes I need to make to my life. Obviously I can't turn back time, but I can throw out a warning to others not to sit back and expect it to happen.

[mijo]

I would totally agree with this.

I had been up and down for so many years and on the lookout for someone, then I moved back to my hometown got settled and was having an amazing time. I wasn't even thinking about men because I was so content. Then one random Sunday morning, hungover from the night before I logged on to facebook chat and up pops a message from a guy I had met through my friend that he has liked me since we first met and would I be interested in going for a drink with him.

I couldn't believe it as I had liked him for a while too but thought no more of it as I hadn't heard from him. We got together and everything went great (the downside to the story is that we have recently broken up). But I do believe it's true that when you truly stop looking (not purposefully, but just because you're content), thats when it will hit you.

[mijo]

I spent my entire life to date "not looking", and where has it got me? I'm a 24 year old virgin who completely fails with women. I am not unattractive, I am not devoid of goals, I am not stupid and I am not overweight. Now that I am "looking", it is opening my eyes to the many changes I need to make to my life. Obviously I can't turn back time, but I can throw out a warning to others not to sit back and expect it to happen.

 

There's a difference between not looking and sitting back and expecting it to happen.

Obviously you must still get out there, have fun, meet people and enjoy yourself, but don't go out on the weekend with your sole purpose being to meet the love of your life.

Go out and enjoy yourself with friends, get out and about as much as you can and it will happen.

[Luke Skywalker]

I think that whatever you sow you will reap something, but the way you reap it may not fit into the box of how things are supposed to work. For example, all the people on here who did find love by accident actually did make some effort to find something before even if it was unsuccessful and EVENTUALLY connected with someone.

 

What appears as an accident may just be the result of a delayed result for the work that was done earlier. I have yet to find out a report from someone who didn't do any work or effort suddenly out of nowhere find love. It's just that the work or effort is not directly correlated to the result it's dismissed as an accident or chance.

 

So, I guess it's one of those things that you have to keep your mind open. I think any effort to pursue love, even if unsuccessful, at the very leasts defines in yourself or mind what exactly you are looking for, and then something may come back to you when you are about to quit or give up, or even just after that.

 

I don't understand "love", but I understand "emotionally connections" and as far as that is concerned, I haven't been able to put my finger on that. Some of these connections are just short-lived or for the moment. So far it seems I have been disappointed one way or another.

[dark-angel]

I have to say its true, my last relationship end badly and I thought to my self enough is enough, and simply stop looking for the right guy. I had given up. Some time later I met someone, and we still together, talking to him about it, he told me he had already stop looking for love, when we met, just happened to be at the right place and the right time when we met.

[Manco]

I don't think taking a back seat in life is ever a good approach. I think what people mean by "stop looking" is "stop looking desperate". I can't imagine what you can find if you never take a proactive approach to meeting new people and going to places where you are likely to meet those who interest you. Like anything in life, success comes to those who reach out, those who are willing to take risks and those who are not afraid to put themselves out on the line.

[enchanted771]

I look, but for some reason attract too many weirdo's. Some dude im'ed me and then I get this request for a web cam session!

[billy v]

Im always "looking" but I never overdo it. I dont think its good to be actively(constantly) looking for someone special because odds are you'll end up getting into something that may have seemed good at the time but probably not the best in the long run. Since my breakup, I tend to keep an eye out but I never desperately throw myself out there.

[JenniferSNJ]

I hate to be that weird person on here that met someone at my doorstep, but...

 

I was hungover and I ordered a cheese steak... I was in my pjs, hair a mess, gross... and the pizza guy came to my door (I was 18, he was 19)... we spoke three sentences to each other... and I knew I was going to date him (I even made a comment to my friend in the house)... he basically tracked me down (apparently we knew mutual people), called me, and we went on a date. From there- we dated for 4 years. I just broke up with him this past April.

 

Who says love won't come to your door step?

 

So yes, I believe in that whole "not looking" theory too.

[LE DHUY NHUT]

I think it's impossible to stop looking for love because it's something most people want.But it's very possible to stop being desperate,clingy,miserable and pathetic when you're single.It's very possible to enjoy yourself as a single but keeping the idea of finding love in the back of your mind and being ready if it comes.

[LE DHUY NHUT]

I think if you are really interesting in finding someone you would be looking.

 

Yes you will be looking but you will not let the search control your entire life.

[FoxLocke]

Yes you will be looking but you will not let the search control your entire life.

 

I agree with this. Don't be an insecure despot...Yet, always keep your heart open and allow love to come in.

 

Anyways...

 

I am glad I read this thread. It has given me permission to be happy in my single life.

[jennamajig]

^^FoxLocke, slightly off topic, but if that is your cat, your cat and my cat could be twins!

 

On topic, I wonder about finding love again. When I found it with ex, I wasn't looking. Now I am aware and looking again, I wonder if that will hurt me in the long run. Either way, I guess the lesson is to always have an open heart.

[Bartok]

Not being desperate is all fine and good, and you definitely shouldn't let the search control your life... but be very careful about "just waiting". I've been "just waiting" for close to 24 years and it's really, REALLY starting to wear down on me.

 

If you don't suck it up and go for it, chances are that you won't find it.

[LE DHUY NHUT]

If you are 24 how can you be 'just waiting' for 24 years?stop exaggerating to make it look worse than it really is.

[FoxLocke]

^^FoxLocke, slightly off topic, but if that is your cat, your cat and my cat could be twins!

 

On topic, I wonder about finding love again. When I found it with ex, I wasn't looking. Now I am aware and looking again, I wonder if that will hurt me in the long run. Either way, I guess the lesson is to always have an open heart.

 

Oh my god they look like they came from the same litter! Yep, that is my big baby...Ashton Winston Churchill.

 

Do you know what kind of cat it is? I've no earthly clue...

[Bartok]

If you are 24 how can you be 'just waiting' for 24 years?stop exaggerating to make it look worse than it really is.

I was exaggerating to make a point... did you understand what I was trying to say?

 

I'll be sure to say "half my life" or something like that next time, just so nitpickers like you won't blow a gasket.

 

EDIT: BTW, following the offtopic cat conversation, my parents have a cat just like yours. I believe it's a British Blue, but these days people would call them a British Shorthair.

[LE DHUY NHUT]

I was exaggerating to make a point... did you understand what I was trying to say?

 

I'll be sure to say "half my life" or something like that next time, just so nitpickers like you won't blow a gasket.

 

EDIT: BTW, following the offtopic cat conversation, my parents have a cat just like yours. I believe it's a British Blue, but these days people would call them a British Shorthair.

 

That's me........ a nitpicker to the end.