New here...and need some help...

[SapphireStar]

Hi. This is my first post here, and I was just wondering if there was anyone here who would listen. I'm a cutter. I have been for nearly a year and a half. It's really frusturating, because...I know why I cut--because of depression. I feel it every day---but I don't know where the depression is coming from.

 

I have friends (only over IM, though) who know I'm doing this, and they've asked me to tell them every time I cave in and do it again, but lately, I haven't been. I don't want them disappointed in me, and I'm afraid they'll get angry.

 

Thing is...every time I feel the need to cut, I go and do it, and I feel fine after that...but only for a few minutes. Then I just get the urge all over again. Sometimes I can hold out until I fall asleep or I go somewhere, but other times I can't and it just becomes a cycle.

 

Just my story...I felt like I needed to tell the complete truth to people.

[Managor]

It's good that you can get it out here.

 

I don't think your online friends will be angry or disappointed in you, being honest to them will probably help you, and they might acknowledge your bravery in telling them; It's a hard thing to do.

 

Depression can come from a whole lot of things. What are you doing when you get depressed? If it's just sitting at home thinking, what are you thinking about?

 

If your depression is situational, figuring out what needs improving in your life and working towards it might be what you should consider.

 

If it's clinical depression, seeing a doctor about it and perhaps getting medication for it might make things better (lots of people take anti-depressant medication, it's not unusual, but can have side effects so something you need to consult a professional about).

 

Do you have enough friends in real life, and can you talk to them as well as you'd like? Are you having family problems, or issues at school, university or work (telling us your age might also help, cutting is fairly common around the middle of your 'teens)?

 

I think trying to find alternatives to cutting yourself whenever you feel like doing it might be a good way to start. I'd advise you try and let some of your online friends know, they care about you and only want to help you get better.

[shelly7]

Hi SapphireStar,

WELCOME! I'm sorry you're going though this. I remember reading somewhere that artistic expression is a positive way for cutters to help themselves when they are in the moment. Drawing, writing, listening to music are some ways. Also when you feel the urge to cut, get out of the house, try a change of scenery. Oh, and strenuous exercise will help because it releases the pain killing endorphins that your body is craving. Post here when you're stressed, and definitely seek out a counselor to help even more. You're going to be okay. Take one day at a time and don't be so hard on yourself. You will get through this.

[SapphireStar]

Hi. Thanks for replying. Usually, when I'm depressed, I am at home. I'm on here most of the time, on the computer. But it seems like every time I sign on, none of my friends are on, so I have no one to talk to. I get to thinking about some things that have happened in the past, when we've hit rough spots in our friendship. I guess that could be what's causing it.

 

I do want to see a professional about everything that's going on, but I have no way to do that, because (a) I'm only fourteen, so I have zip power over where I go and what I do and (b) my parents won't take me. They don't believe me when I tell them I'm afraid I have a problem. They say I'm fine. I really hate them sometimes.

[BlueWolf]

Hi. Thanks for replying. Usually, when I'm depressed, I am at home. I'm on here most of the time, on the computer. But it seems like every time I sign on, none of my friends are on, so I have no one to talk to. I get to thinking about some things that have happened in the past, when we've hit rough spots in our friendship. I guess that could be what's causing it.

 

I do want to see a professional about everything that's going on, but I have no way to do that, because (a) I'm only fourteen, so I have zip power over where I go and what I do and (b) my parents won't take me. They don't believe me when I tell them I'm afraid I have a problem. They say I'm fine. I really hate them sometimes.

 

Maybe tell your parents about the cutting. If you have already and they still don't believe you, get help from other trusted people.

Maybe if they don't know you're cutting and you tell them, that'll be a wake-up call.

[SapphireStar]

Maybe tell your parents about the cutting. If you have already and they still don't believe you, get help from other trusted people.

Maybe if they don't know you're cutting and you tell them, that'll be a wake-up call.

 

Oh, they know. The most they've done is tell me to stop. Once.

[Daddy Bear]

welcome to ENA, SapphireStar.

 

slashing one's own skin open has become a disturbingly popular fad. i recently read a survey where 23% of young female respondents admitted to causing themselves some form of self-injury.

 

it just makes no sense to me: i have heard people claim that it brings relief, but the problem that they're trying to fix isn't having too much blood in their veins or not feeling enough pain. ultimately, i find that it brings them shame and only adds to their overall sense of unhappiness.

 

cutting is a placebo of the worst kind. i don't see people coming to ENA complaining about not being able to stop meditating, jogging or facing the causes of their depression head-on with professional help.

 

future generations will surely look back at us and wonder just what the hell we were thinking.

[Managor]

Depending on your country and the type of school you're in, you may have a school counsellor who you might be able to see for free, and without your parents needing to find out (depending on what system your school has, some may require the counsellor to inform your parents if you mention something like self injury (or anything similar like suicidal thoughts, etc)), it wouldn't do you any harm to see them if there's one avaliable for you.

 

You might want to consider socialising more, or getting into sports or hobbies, if you don't do that much at the moment. If you're very often getting let down because who you'd hoped isn't online then that sounds like reason enough to get depressed.

 

Is there anything that's happened in the past with friends that you're still concerned about? Feel free to talk about anything that's on your mind here.

 

EDIT: slightlybent, do you have a link to this survey you mentioned stating the 23% figure?

[shelly7]

 

I do want to see a professional about everything that's going on, but I have no way to do that, because (a) I'm only fourteen, so I have zip power over where I go and what I do and (b) my parents won't take me. They don't believe me when I tell them I'm afraid I have a problem. They say I'm fine. I really hate them sometimes.

 

 

...ugh! I'm sorry your parents are in denial, but I think I have another solution. When you go to school (I know school is not in session now) you need to be speak to the school social worker or school psychologist. It is their job to help you! Take advantage. I believe summer school starts next week, it might not be a bad idea to stop in and ask around to see if anyone is on call during the summer. After you speak to them, they will speak to your parents and convince them (if they still need convincing at that point) that you need their support. Stay strong! You can do this!

[SapphireStar]

Is there anything that's happened in the past with friends that you're still concerned about? Feel free to talk about anything that's on your mind here.

 

EDIT: slightlybent, do you have a link to this survey you mentioned stating the 23% figure?

 

There was one thing that happened a while ago that I still think about from time to time. But I don't really feel comfortable talking about it here. Do you mind if I e-mail you?

 

Thank you all for replying...I didn't really expect anyone to.

[Managor]

Sure, by all means feel free to PM, email or IM (msn) me, though there are a lot of members here at ENA who are probably a lot better than me at things like giving advice, and who would also gladly have a chat.

[Bethany]

You did good reaching out, well done.

 

Check out some of these on top of the*self-injury* forum. Even though I am not a self-harmer, they look like pretty good sites to me and I hope you will find help and support from them and this site. Good Luck.

 

 

[Daddy Bear]

EDIT: slightlybent, do you have a link to this survey you mentioned stating the 23% figure?

i have no idea now where i read that, but it was within the past week.

 

this recent study found a 20% rate among female college students:

 

link removed