need some advice

[impulse617]

i guess this can go here because it has to do with relationships with other people

 

about me: 16 years old (17 in september), really shy and I really don't talk much to any1 unless I know them very well. I have a social anxiety disorder and its basically controlled my life. I can go out and stuff but i usually dont talk to any1. When som1 talks to me im usually lost for words and dont know what to say. Im in therapy for this and i have medicine

 

Now here is the situation, im thinking of joining the local boys and girls club as a way to meet people and socialize. For those who don't know, this club is basically a club for boys and girls ages to hang out and have fun and keep them off the street. Its has a gym among other things. I actually know a ton of people that go there, its not like they r new people

 

Im pretty sure im gonna join, but im just afraid that i won't be able to talk to any1. I have joined clubs b4 and i really never talked much while i was there. I don't want the same thing to happen here.

 

The therapy and medicine has helped some, but the problem is still there. I think that therapy and medicine has helped me as much as it can, i think its all on me now.

 

plz help me with advice or encouragement. Especially from outgoing people who dont have a problem with this kind of stuff.

 

thank you

 

o yea and i dont have any friends either thats the whole purpose of joining, to make them

[Lilu]

Dear Impulse,

 

Joining the boys and girls club is one of the best ways to help you out of your shell. You need to give yourself so much credit by even considering it. I can understand how being or feeling very shy towards the whole world feels. I once was just like you, but I didn't use medicine or theraphy. It works differently for everyone.

 

Yes, it can be extremely nerve wracking meeting other peers. I used to sweat buckets when I had to go to weddings, birthday parties, school events, job interviews, and the list can go on for ever. Actually, I still get very very very nervous when I have to out on dates. But things will get better, aslong as you keep trying your hardest. So far, you have acomplished the want to get better. Now, you need to think possitive, and remember that everyone does get shy, and nervous about meeting people, it's just the way they handle themselves in front of them.

 

Keep your chin up- Things will get so much better for you!

 

Keep in touch

 

-Lilu

[locolady]

Hey there, i think this club sounds like a great idea.....you sound positive about it as something you would like to do - so defiantely give it a go. You dont have anything to lose. Try not to put so much pressure on yourself to talk....you dont need to have things to say all the time, try to just relax and i'm sure you will find you are mores able to join in conversations once you stop worrying!

 

Maybe join the gym....gives you a great way to get to recognise some people at the club, just smile and say hello as you are working out for the first few times....then as you begin to feel more comfortable you'll be able to chat a bit more. My sister is shy and she used to challenge herself do little things like ask someone how a machine in the gym works....maybe you could try this? Until you realise you've actually spoken to more people that day than usual.

 

Try not to be so hard on yourself....confidence is a complicated thing. For example.....i can happily walk into a room of people adn introduce myself yet i will also spend hours crying and worrying about being fat or ugly or that no-one likes me. On the other hand my sister gets very nervous and quiet meeting new people and has to force herself to get involved...yet she is confident in herself, her looks and personality. That you find talking to people hard doesnt make you any less worthwhile, or any less likely to find friends who like and respect you.

 

i bet lots of other people will be joining the club hoping to make friends too.....give it a try and dont worry if sometimes you hang around the edges a bit without talking much.....give it some time, let yourself see what goes on there, get your face recognised and im sure friendships will develop.

Good luck! xx

 

Ps....just make sure you smile at people on the way in!

[AwdreeHpburn]

impulse, I know what you mean. I had a friend (serioulsy - wasn't me) who has socail anxiety. She was taking medication for it which totall helped. But from being so socially phobic for so long, she didn't really have the social skills to interact.

 

The meds helped with the anxiety, but obviously didn't give her the words to say.

 

I agree with all that joining clubs and improv classes will totally help!

[Momene]

Well even the most outwardly confident people are often quaking in their boots about quite normal situations. I was very much like you as a teenager and yet here I am in Poland teaching telecommunications.

 

You never really lose your fear, you just learn to meet it head on. Think that 17 years ago I went to work on a project abroad and came back 6 months later with a wife. If I can beat it, so can you.

[impulse617]

thanx for the replies guys

 

i never get picked on or anything, i cant think of any1 that really hates me (as far as i know). Every1 tries to talk to me, im just not very responsive. I know I can beat this, i'll keep u guys posted