Reassuring Insecurities

[LostInMyThoughts]

How do you approach talking to someone about their insecurities about physical flaws?

 

I know someone who has burn scars on her arms, and I know she is insecure about it. The scars look bad, but I really don't care about it.

 

If I said "They're not so bad." or "I don't notice them." She'd know I'm lying.

 

Any thoughts?

[ElektraHere]

How do you approach talking to someone about their insecurities about physical flaws?

 

I know someone who has burn scars on her arms, and I know she is insecure about it. The scars look bad, but I really don't care about it.

 

If I said "They're not so bad." or "I don't notice them." She'd know I'm lying.

 

Any thoughts?

 

Why do you have to comment on them at all? Is there a reason that you must?

[lil kitty]

i am also insecure about my body. i think a lot of girls are insecure about their body. the best thing to handle it is to tell her that u love/ like her for who she is and the scare doesn't really matter to u. don't worry if she won't take it in. everytime when she shows sign of insecure then just keep on telling her not to worry no one would notice it if she try to cover it. that would cause people to notice it more. OVER ALL JUST TELL HER HOW MUCH U LOVE HER AND TELL HER THAT THE SCARE ACTUALLY GIVE HER A SENSE OF UNIGUENESS

[itsallgrand]

Lost,

Hey. Finally, somewhere I can actually help!

 

In my experience, the best way to approach this is to simply acknowledge her.

Yes, you see the burns. Yes, you understand that she is insecure about them - so be sensitive and do not point it out for the sake of pointing it out.

 

Just be normal. There is nothing better. Do not avoid the burns, do not avoid talking or listening if she brings it up.

 

Just listen and treat her like anyone else. Really. Your acceptance will help her find a way to feel more secure if she would like to.

[Momene]

I'm insecure about being fat, balding and having a big nose.

 

Yet, I still get noticed by girls, even though I'm 51. Very few people are so ugly that they don't have any admirers at all.

[RayKay]

Why are you going to comment on them? Are you close to her?

 

I am not sure how pointing them out would benefit either of you, unless she for example brings it up. If she DOES do the latter, when she starts dissing herself for them, tell her that they are symbol of what she went through, and the strength she now has, and not to be ashamed of.

 

Really, accepting her for whom she is without making them an issue (by bringing them up) will ultimately do FAR more for her confidence and acceptance of her own self.

[brando]

lost,

 

I agree with the others..you noticed and you are aware...she is as well. So it isn't necessary to point them out. It is her problem (if their is one) and if she needs to take care of it she will when she is ready. Just be a friend.

[Momene]

Forgot to mention that one of the best looking actresses in England has burn scars on her arms, so it's not a major issue.

[LostInMyThoughts]

Thanks for the advice.

 

My "need to comment" is a personal flaw of mine. Basically my parents pointed out every flaw of mine, and now I have a compulsive desire to point things out (mostly pimples etc).

 

Anyway I know no one wants to hear my comments about stuff like that, so in general I keep my mouth shut.

 

What I was interested in knowing was if she brought up the subject, how to best respond that 1) sounded genuine, and 2) was supported.

 

I felt like if I said something like "Oh I didn't even notice" or "They look fine to me." It would come accross as a lie (considering it is a lie, and I did notice).

 

To me, this parallels when a woman says "I feel fat." Well you don't want to agree with her, even if you do agree with her, yet, you don't want to say shes wrong by saying "you're not fat." You jsut want to support her.

 

Just wasn't sure how to do it in this situation.

[RayKay]

If she does bring it up, as previously suggested, I would just say that while her scars will always be there, they are neither the first thing you notice about her appearance, and they ARE a symbol of her strength through tough times.

[Haven]

I felt like if I said something like "Oh I didn't even notice" or "They look fine to me." It would come accross as a lie (considering it is a lie, and I did notice).

So don't lie. Tell her that yes, you noticed them, but they don't matter to you (you said this in your original post, right?)

 

Make sure she knows that to you, she is not a girl who has burn scars, she is a girl who _____ (fill in the blank with whatever you feel... 'has an amazing personality', 'makes me laugh', etc).