There's something I've noticed during my time on this forum.

[nottoogreen]

I am quite dreading the One Year Mark, to be honest. My boyfriend said recently *hey, dearest, you know what happens in October? It's a year...* whereupon I felt bound to distract him..

 

This is what I dislike about relationships. The stages always change, and the longer I'm with someone, the more likely they are to get bored with me. I can't stand to think that I could be one of those girls who gets stamped all over after 14 months or whatever because I am just not good enough any more.

 

URGH.

Superstar, you can be more confident as he has survived more complexities with you in 6 months than many couples experience in a lifetime.

 

And you are getting better and you know it.

[nottoogreen]

I think I read some study about hormone levels in long term relationships. If I find it, I'll let you guys know!

 

MARRIAGE, DIVORCE, AND MALE TESTOSTERONE: link removed

 

Marriage lowers testosterone: link removed

 

Penn State researchers study link between testosterone and family relationships: link removed

 

I have not read them in detail but it seems that men markedly slow down in longterm relationships/are better dad's, and if not the probability of splitup is higher. Something for me to think about.

[RayKay]

I think a lot of people do break up around this time. It may be boredom but I think it is also a time when you start to say, "Wow, I am making a serious investment of my life here, is this the guy/girl I want to be with for ever?"

 

It is the time that people start to think that this thing is getting real serious.

 

BTW, I find the next big break up mark is the 6 to 7 year mark.

 

I agree with melrich on this one.

 

I think it's a time when the honeymoon period is over or ending, and it's when people start evaluating whether this is the person they can see being their life partner. You have learned a fair amount about each other by this time, so it's a good time to be able to see all the personality quirks, conflicts, compatibilities and so forth.

 

Depending on your age too, at this time there may be a direct or indirect pressure to move in, or get married, which adds to the equation.

 

I notice a lot of people break up at around 5-6 years too, maybe as they are thinking "wow, we have been together 5 years, we are very different people now-she/he is really not what I am looking for-these problems are still there-I am not wanting to marry them so it's time to leave".

 

When you are with the right person though, and the time in your life is right - it just keeps getting better and better....that does not mean things are perfect and you don't have things to work through...just that the love and relationship grows stronger over that time and through those experiences.

[amber1980]

My current relationship is is meltdown- hitting the 1.5year mark this month. My las relationship was a definite case of me getting bored - i finished with him after a year and a half.

 

Bit crap to know if you get past that, you have another four years of bliss before it hits again! Sometimes I wonder why we bother! x

[DCMann2]

My current relationship is is meltdown- hitting the 1.5year mark this month. My las relationship was a definite case of me getting bored - i finished with him after a year and a half.

 

Bit crap to know if you get past that, you have another four years of bliss before it hits again! Sometimes I wonder why we bother! x

It definitely makes you wonder, doesn't it? Love sucks sometimes, doesn't it?

[RayKay]

Just because a "lot" of relationships go through rough times at 1.5 years, or 5 years, or 10 years even...does not mean they ALL will, or that they will all experience the same each time.

 

And living in fear that they will - will make it happen.

 

Why do we do it? Because the benefit of "winning" outweighs the risk in the end. Hate to be a downer but 100% of relationships will end until you find the one that doesn't....but if you give up, you will always have that 100% rate. If you don't, that rate won't matter when you end up with the one that has you saying "forever" everyday (and they in return to you!).

[Daddy Bear]

a relationship that's working won't just go bad by itself; somebody has to slip up. a year and a half may be the point at which a lot of people get careless and start taking their partners for granted.

[friscodj]

i finished with him after a year and a half.

 

Sometimes I wonder why we bother! x

 

I'd say the problem could lie in your attitude towards relationships wrapped up in your first line here. "I finished with him after a year and a half". Yikes... :shocked!:

[DCMann2]

As time passes, it takes more and more conscious effort from both people to keep the relationship going, which is something I've learned over the past couple of months. I won't make that mistake again, since I realized that I WAS taking my ex for granted at times, which is bad, bad, BAD!

[friscodj]

As time passes, it takes more and more conscious effort from both people to keep the relationship going, which is something I've learned over the past couple of months. I won't make that mistake again, since I realized that I WAS taking my ex for granted at times, which is bad, bad, BAD!

 

Yeah, but you know what? It works both ways. If you guys were a good team, she would help you from falling into that trap, instead of letting it fall apart...

 

Plus, I bet if you really dig deep, you'll find some deeper reasons why you were taking her for granted. Perhaps you felt deep, deep down inside that the relationship wasn't right...

 

I've felt the exact same way about taking exes for granted several times and those are two conclusions I've reached for myself...

[DCMann2]

Yeah, but you know what? It works both ways. If you guys were a good team, she would help you from falling into that trap, instead of letting it fall apart...

 

Plus, I bet if you really dig deep, you'll find some deeper reasons why you were taking her for granted. Perhaps you felt deep, deep down inside that the relationship wasn't right...

 

I've felt the exact same way about taking exes for granted several times and those are two conclusions I've reached for myself...

My good man, I never once felt that the relationship wasn't right. I started taking her for granted because I felt that she would always be there for me, and now that she isn't, I realize that what I was doing was wrong. As for it working both ways, you're right. She should've helped me instead of letting our relationship dissolve the way it did, but I was her first real relationship as well, so she didn't understand those things. She might now, but I don't know, since we haven't talked about anything "heavy" in nearly a month.

[friscodj]

My good man, I never once felt that the relationship wasn't right. I started taking her for granted because I felt that she would always be there for me, and now that she isn't, I realize that what I was doing was wrong. As for it working both ways, you're right. She should've helped me instead of letting our relationship dissolve the way it did, but I was her first real relationship as well, so she didn't understand those things. She might now, but I don't know, since we haven't talked about anything "heavy" in nearly a month.

 

I'm sorry to hear this. The only thing I will say is when you are deep in the muddy trenches of despair over this, remember that it was not all your fault. You guys couldn't make it happen and now you've discovered this tendency about yourself so next time you will realize it is happening and prevent it...

 

Did you let her know of your discovery here?

[DCMann2]

I'm sorry to hear this. The only thing I will say is when you are deep in the muddy trenches of despair over this, remember that it was not all your fault. You guys couldn't make it happen and now you've discovered this tendency about yourself so next time you will realize it is happening and prevent it...

 

Did you let her know of your discovery here?

No, and it'll stay that way for a while. I can show that I've learned, though.