SummerLove Posted June 15, 2006 Share Posted June 15, 2006 My bf and I can't even hold a decent conversation any more. All we do is argue...or rather, I scream at him and he listens. This then causes him to not want to talk to me at all. I just feel so lonely because I have nobody to talk to. Nobody is there when I need them to be. I try to tell him that that's why I'm always upset with him but he never listens. Now I find myself constantly upset and crying. I asked him if he wanted to break up since I'm such a "pain in the * * *" and a "b----" as he says, but he never gives an answer. I just feel like nobody likes me or wants to be around me. I know its not true but it sure does feel like it. My own bf doesn't wanna talk to me. I have a problem with nagging but its just my cry for help when I'm alone. I just need someone to talk to. Why can't he just see that? Link to comment
friscodj Posted June 15, 2006 Share Posted June 15, 2006 Why can't he just see that? Maybe (without knowing more detail about this relationship), you guys are incompatible on the communication front thereby making the relationship not right... Give us a few more details about the past and present of this relationship... Link to comment
SummerLove Posted June 15, 2006 Author Share Posted June 15, 2006 Ok, we've been on and off for about a year now. At first it was great...in fact it was awesome. Then lately things have just gotten sour between us. I get upset when he doesnt' call me and he says he doesn't call me b/c he doesn't want to hear me nag and complain and yell at him. I tell him that I do this because he DOESN"T call me. Today I tried to tell him that I wanted to just talk after about an hour of yelling and he got fed up and hung up on me. I was crying and almost begging him to talk to me. I just need someone to tell me they care b/c it feels like he doesn't. I feel like nobody wants to be around me. Link to comment
friscodj Posted June 15, 2006 Share Posted June 15, 2006 The "on-and-off" part of this says to me that you guys probably aren't right for each other...especially if you feel you have to beg him for things. That's not healthy. Communication is such a critical part of a committed relationship and it sounds like you guys have different ideas, styles, and needs for it... Link to comment
renthead Posted June 15, 2006 Share Posted June 15, 2006 Relationships thrive on communication. Without talking, it goes down the dumps. He called you a "b----"? My advice is to break up with him immediately. Anybody who calls you that is wrong for you. I'm sure that another guy is much, much better for you. You need someone who accepts you for who you are, is always there for you, and wants to be with you. Link to comment
SummerLove Posted June 15, 2006 Author Share Posted June 15, 2006 Did I mention that I call him various names and attrocities also? Link to comment
friscodj Posted June 15, 2006 Share Posted June 15, 2006 Did I mention that I call him various names and attrocities also? Yep...unhealthy relationship... Link to comment
SummerLove Posted June 15, 2006 Author Share Posted June 15, 2006 i know its unhealthy...i want to make it healthy again Link to comment
friscodj Posted June 15, 2006 Share Posted June 15, 2006 i want to make it healthy again So it wasn't always this way? What do you think made it unhealthy? Link to comment
Scout Posted June 15, 2006 Share Posted June 15, 2006 SummerLove, I've looked over your past threads, and...wow. To your credit, you do admit you have an impulsive temper, jealous nature, and suffer from depression. I guess you know in your heart that your behavior is inappropriate, and definitely putting your relationship at risk. In fact, I've gotta be honest here...it sounds like you are just plain verbally abusive to your boyfriend. I suggest you explore some anger management counseling of some sort, because this is not a healthy way to communicate with anyone. Link to comment
SummerLove Posted June 15, 2006 Author Share Posted June 15, 2006 Well, our break up wasn't a big help. He smokes weed and I don't approve... I nag a lot about him quitting and about how i don't like his friends and how he never pays attention to me. Its just all this that ties together Link to comment
Scout Posted June 15, 2006 Share Posted June 15, 2006 I know, but you can't justify abusive behavior, no matter what the other person is doing. And I'm sorry, but from what it sounds like (and I'm taking your other threads into account here too), it does sound like you are verbally abusive to him. And I do sense an incredible amount of anger in you. If being with this guy triggers it, better to end the relationship than to subject him - and yourself - to the constant threat of your rage. Link to comment
SummerLove Posted June 15, 2006 Author Share Posted June 15, 2006 I know... i come from a family with a history of high blood pressure and heart attacks. I have tendencies to explode over stupid things. I know I'm ill tempered and I realize my mistakes after the fact. I'm just scared that my apologies to my bf are not going to help. I'm scared I'll nag him away. Link to comment
friscodj Posted June 15, 2006 Share Posted June 15, 2006 After reading all this, I think you guys just aren't a good fit. You seem to bring out the worst in each other... Link to comment
friscodj Posted June 15, 2006 Share Posted June 15, 2006 I know... i come from a family with a history of high blood pressure and heart attacks. I have tendencies to explode over stupid things. I know I'm ill tempered and I realize my mistakes after the fact. I'm just scared that my apologies to my bf are not going to help. I'm scared I'll nag him away. Have you treated other boyfriends and/or people like you treat you current guy? Link to comment
Scout Posted June 15, 2006 Share Posted June 15, 2006 I know... i come from a family with a history of high blood pressure and heart attacks. I have tendencies to explode over stupid things. I know I'm ill tempered and I realize my mistakes after the fact. I'm just scared that my apologies to my bf are not going to help. I'm scared I'll nag him away. Take it from me as someone who has struggled with a temper problem all her life, you don't want this behavior to escalate. It causes an enormous amount of stress for you and whoever is subjected to it, puts you in a terrible light, and inevitably makes you even more depressed when you realize just how bad you acted. Why not look into some books about anger management? I realize you're young, and it's harder not to act on emotions...but it's not impossible, either. You can learn self-control, and will be so much better off once you do. Link to comment
SummerLove Posted June 15, 2006 Author Share Posted June 15, 2006 I have never treated any of my other bfs like this...yet I have never been with anyone as long as this or have known anyone nearly as well as him. Link to comment
SummerLove Posted June 15, 2006 Author Share Posted June 15, 2006 Also, my bf is the only one who ever sees this side of me. Everyone else that knows me thinks I'm generally a nice person Link to comment
friscodj Posted June 15, 2006 Share Posted June 15, 2006 And if/when you pursue some sort of betterment about this anger situation, whether it be with books and/or therapy should you go that route, realize the changes will be small, will take a while to really become natural to you, and you'll always be who you are inherently... But for right now...I still think this relationship you're in needs to end...it just doesn't sound good at all...especially since you can't communicate well...that's so key... Link to comment
friscodj Posted June 15, 2006 Share Posted June 15, 2006 Also, my bf is the only one who ever sees this side of me. Everyone else that knows me thinks I'm generally a nice person Well, you might look at this relationship as the stimulus to work on this other side of yourself... Link to comment
SummerLove Posted June 15, 2006 Author Share Posted June 15, 2006 I've decided that I'm going to enroll in some kind of yoga class or something to that nature. My dad has anger issues and ever since he started going to the gym, he's been more relaxed and isn't irritable and doesn't always explode over silly things. But as of now, what can I say to my bf to let him know that I don't mean to be a b---- to him and that I do really care about him? Link to comment
friscodj Posted June 15, 2006 Share Posted June 15, 2006 Regarding the Yoga or other type of class, that's a great plan! What can you do for your boyfriend? Show him you don't mean to be mean and care about him. Maybe if you guys have trouble verbally communicating, you can communicate better through actions... Just make sure they are reciprocated on his end too... Link to comment
SummerLove Posted June 15, 2006 Author Share Posted June 15, 2006 like how would I do that? Link to comment
friscodj Posted June 15, 2006 Share Posted June 15, 2006 Just be nice to him. Not patronizing or smotheringly nice. Complete 180's usually don't last long so baby steps, give it time. Surprise him with a nice gesture once in a while. You know him better than I do, something he'd appreciate... Link to comment
SummerLove Posted June 15, 2006 Author Share Posted June 15, 2006 well.. back in the day I sent him a card just to be sweet and he got all freaked out by it Link to comment
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