For those familiar with thespians/theater types: is he gay, straight or bi?

[DamnitJanet]

Okay, I know there are stereotypes galore surrounding drama, musical theater and the like. Try to ignore outdated information and use only personal experience or firsthand knowledge if at all possible here, because these days there are a gazillion gay-vague guys in the performing arts, and they aren't all 'flamingoes.' I'm really stumped and I could use some good advice.

 

I'm working with an off-Broadway summer theatre organization. Most of the men in the ensemble (in fact, all but two out of eleven) are gay, but I couldn't pick out one of the straight guys until I heard him talking about pictures of him with girls on Facebook and how his girlfriend caught him cheating. The principals, on the other hand, are about 50/50. Three of them are married, two are gay (one flamboyantly so), and two are unknown.

 

One of these unknowns is a guy I like. We hit it off immediately--we share the same political views and sense of humor, etc., and I thought we were unconsciously mirroring each other's posture and making an unusual amount of eye contact. He's always happy to see me and goes out of his way to finish conversations with me. But this is an actor I'm talking about, and I've been wrong about one or two before. Here's a short list of characteristics and actions I can think of that might possibly indicate his sexuality (or the fact that he likes me, but I'm less concerned with that as I am with whether to make a move). Then again, they might simply indicate how my bizarre mind operates. Here goes:

 

--he hangs out with straight guys, girls, and by himself. I've never seen him interact much with the male ensemble except for the other straight guys, though that was mostly pure chance. He does talk to the ensemble females a bit more than the males.

--he adores Diana DeGarmo from American Idol. I can't remember whether he said it was because she was hot or talented or both, but I overheard him saying this

--after giving him several opportunities to slip in a mention of a girlfriend or a partner, he didn't take the bait. The only girl he mentions around me is his sister (twice, offhand), and not in a way that compares me to her.

--he has a tenor voice that one could stereotype as 'gay' if one were petty. He hates his voice and has said so twice. On the one hand, I had a male best friend who was as horny for girls as you can get, but he always had a high, nasal voice that labelled him as * * * * *. On the other hand, the guy I like's voice is similar in pitch to another (very gay) actor. No lisping or sibillance, but it does make me wonder.

--he reads the NYT and uses his laptop religiously (I think it has Diana DeGarmo as the background)

--his clothing: he wears a t-shirt with a logo on it and jeans, occasionally a striped shirt with a collar, really grungy and worn black and white checked sneakers that remind me of junior high skater boys, and a baseball cap with some obscure sports team emblem that I don't recognize.

--he owns a cat.

--he says "Totally" a lot. In fact, it's every other word out of his mouth.

--no ring on the ring finger as far as I've seen, but that's meaningless when you work on Broadway.

--he doesn't wear his tees so tight that they show off every muscle on his chest like the male ensemble members do.

--he doesn't smell bad or good (ie, no cologne).

--he's shorter than average and moderately attractive (his face), he's in his early thirties, I'm in my mid-twenties.

 

I don't know. I am so sick of finding out the embarrassing way that I have no sense of 'gaydar' whatsoever. Please help me, for the love of pancakes! PLEASE!

[kadvati79]

Mmmmm pancakes!

 

Looking at what you have written down, i think there is a prima facie case for this man being Gay or Bisexual.

 

One question though... does HE know you are gay/bisexual?

[Aueft]

Sounds like a pretty regular straight guy to me based on those points, but maybe he's "Metrosexual" if you still think he puts off that "gay aura."

[DamnitJanet]

I consider myself a 1 or a 2 on the Kinsey Scale, definitely more attracted to men than to other females, and I've never actively pursued a long-term relationship with a woman, so I'm not really concerned with my sexuality too much. I would, of course, prefer him to be bisexual or straight, but I'm not going to have a fit if he's gay. I just want to save us both some unnecessary awkwardness if at all possible.

 

So, on vote for gay, one vote for straight? XD

[TalkTalk]

First of all, I like your screen name.

 

Second, I'm a thespian (not technically yet, but as soon as I get my paperwork in) who happens to be bisexual. I can say from experience that there really is no determining factor. I act like a completely straight guy, and people have been surprised when I've told them. On the other hand, there is a very flamboyant guy I know through the theatre who IS actually hetero. Personally, there's no real way to know except to ask him, or ask someone close to him who would know.

[Hangin10]

I'm confused... DamnitJanet, I'm guessing that you are a straight female, hoping that this guy's orientation includes females, right?

 

As for my 2 cents: The only way to 100% know would be to ask him out. I don't think it's particularly awkward. He's bound to know that people are going to label him gay because he works with so many homosexuals, and that (he obviously knows his own orientation) some people aren't going to know what his is.

[patch2006uk]

The only way you can tell is to ask him!

 

One of the most camp guys i know is straight, and many of the apparently straight ones are bi/gay! I do drama at college, and although theatres are a breeding ground for gayness (!) it doesn't mean all the guys are gay. I met my current boyfriend through doing pantomime together (he was the fairy!!

 

He might just seem more camp than some men because he works in theatre, and it sort of goes with the territory, but that doesn't indicate his sexuality!

[FoxLocke]

--he adores Diana DeGarmo from American Idol. I can't remember whether he said it was because she was hot or talented or both, but I overheard him saying this

 

This one was a dead giveaway from me. American Idol has to be the gayest show ever...LOL. Gay men view and participate in this talent farce in record proportions...I love it!

 

Seriously(seeing as not only gay people watch Idol...haha), from the way you describe him he might be gay or bisexual. Grant it, there is no ONE way to be gay...He might just be a guy who enjoys female companionship(because he wants to flirt), and he might just like cats(they make wonderful pets...They are small, quiet, and have a certain serenity)...

 

But, overall, I think he might be gay. Honestly, aside from asking him, I have no clue what you should do for certain.

[pianoguy]

Well, none of the things you listed really give any clue as to whether he's gay or straight. You failed to answer the following question

 

Does he sleep with men or women?

 

Honestly, in this day and age there are so many straight people that exhibit traditional "gay" mannerisms and gay people that have no mannerisms whatsoever (like me) that it's pretty much pointless to try and find out who's gay based on what they wear or how they walk. (Although the high voice thing does seem to hold true a fair amount, although my boyfriend's a bass). Have you tried flirting with this guy? Any response? Facebooked him? (it works!) Heck, maybe even googled him?

 

I guess I would second the motion just to ask him out. Oh, and I would say he's straight but honestly it could go either way.

 

Good luck! I sympathize with all the straight women in musical theatre.