Totally in awe !!!!

[relatemate]

Hello everyone,

I am new to this site, and MUST share my recent experience. A little long.

 

First, A little history. About six years ago I was dating someone who was younger than me (10 years). She was over 18. We dated for about a year when I started to realize that I had feelings of guilt getting involved with her at such a young age. I thought that I would be taking something away from her and that she would be missing out on growing into herself as a woman. She was very inamored with me, and I must say I with her, but I made a decision to end it. I was very sad about that choice, but had a feeling it was for the best.

 

Anyhow, I found an old address of her parents back in November of 2005. I decided to write a simple letter to see how she was doing. Well she responded with a call and came over that very day. We spoke and got reaquainted. By Christmas time we were very close and she even came over my parents house for New Years.

 

A month or so went by and I noticed that she was getting calls and text messages more frequently than usual. I asked her about it she said they were just friends checking in. Well this went on for another couple of weeks and I started to become more curious about these so called messages, especially when one was delivered at 2am while she was in my home sleeping.

 

To make a long story short she was seeing a married man for one year prior to the November reaquanitance. She said to me that she was still seeing him in November, but broke it off in December and started up again in mid January. Well to say the least, I was upset and told her it's either him or me. Make up your mind... She said that she knows that there is no future with this married man, so she will end it for good. By the way she admitted to seeing him 3-4 times a week for makeout sessions and 1 (possibly more) sex sessions. This was all during working hours 8-5p. Then she would come home to me. Nice ehh?

 

So, I found her out, gave her a choice, and had the heart to forgive her, because of what I did to her in the past (when I left her 6 years ago). I figured this was a level playing field.

 

She did stop communicating with this married man and even quit her job and was with me 24x7 literally. She moved in and was helping me with my small business. I literally saw her all the time.

 

This past Saturday we were having a few cocktails and a name was announced on the TV show we were watching (was the first name of the married man) Well she became a little flush and a tear swelled up in her eye. I ignored it to avoid a possible conflict. Sunday she was quiet all day, and had a major attitude. I dismissed it as being hung over. So we didn't speak from Sunday evening into Monday. When I got back from work I noticed a key on the table with a note "wish you the best". All the clothes were out of the closet etc.. She just moved out. I tracked her down at her parents house an hour later to find out the scoop. What kind of person doesn't even talk about her feelings. She explained that she took a long ride that Monday morning and reflected on our future. She stated that we don't seem happy together. I mean I was floored. This was never spoken of until that very day. I mean what kind of person just hops and leaves with no communication. Just 2 days before she sends an email stating she loves me... I was in awe !!

 

What do you think? Does she need space to think, or time to call up this married man... I'm so at a loss for words about this whole thing... Extremely frustrating....

 

Sorry about the length of this post.....

[Donkey Spice]

So how old is she now? Mid 20's? And you're in your mid 30's? Well, being in my mid 20's and dealing with a young woman in her mid 20's recently that did the same thing to me, I'd have to say that women in their mid 20's are INSANE. If I were you I'd probably give her space and let her "reflect". I've long since learned that a woman's emotion based decision making can make little sense to male's logical mind.

Had she been impulsive like this before? Was she depressed or even slightly withdrawn from you before this "married man" popped up on TV?

[relatemate]

Thanks for your reply Donkey Spice. Yes she is in her mid 20's and I mid 30's. Insane indeed.

I agree to give her space and will. But it's literally knocking me for a loop.

She has never been impulsive, but I did notice her withdrawal. She did leave a job of 5 years, so I figured it was this change.

As far as the relationship between us. It was very jovial and fun. I always made her laugh and vice versa. I would always show affection, but maybe it wasn't enough. It's just plain mind boggling.

[Donkey Spice]

I so understand. Read the post I just started "When Your Soulmate Leaves..." What about the folks? Hers I mean. Would they be of any help? Are you close enough to them to have a secret conversation with mom or dad to find out what's happening? I know it sucks though. There is nothing in the world as exquisitely painful as the hell the female sex can bring to us. Hang in there tiger.

[relatemate]

I empathize with your situation. That is far more involved than this. It is heartfelt.

As far as her parents, they are divorced. She lives with her mother right now. Her father is a very stern and emotionless man. Cold eyes. Like a shark's. I only had the pleasure (not) of meeting him once. Her mom, on the other hand, is quite friendly but seems a bit selfish and stubborn. (maybe this whole thing is hereditary). I would have a conversation with her mom, but know that she will not spill any info. I only met her mother a handful of times, but I am the easy to get along type and she feels somewhat comfortable with me. Not sure about that approach.

[monkey1]

That's kinda crazy. I'd be shocked too.

 

My boyfriend's probably a bit older than you and I'm in my mid-20s. If I was living with him and for some reason felt the need to leave, I'd talk to him. I feel if things aren't going well, I should face it and let my partner know, I think that's only fair.

 

I think my question here is were you happy in the relationship up until then?

 

I don't know, maybe she got cold feet. Seems a bit drastic though.

[relatemate]

Thanks Monkey. I needed to hear that. She always said she disliked arguing. Does anyone like it? How do you simply not talk about something that bothers you. Maybe she was protecting my feelings, because she still cares for this man and didn't want me to revisit the old wound? Am I over reacting? Isn't this worse, not talking about it...?