I been doin it...

[shadowcat]

Lately i have been on sites like link removed, link removed..and i been getting tips on how to approach women, how to dress, how to act, what to do if your nervous this and that etc... and i have tried to put it into action..everywhere i go i try to say hi or at least smile at a girl, ive gotten rude responses and jus a "hi"...in one case a little conversation.

But i still feel like im not getting nowhere...im still in the " Hi" barrier and seem not to get out from it, it seems there so many things these sites like link removed..link removed tell u to do and what not to do..that you forget easily, is there simpler ways to approach girls then following up on all these "rules of the game"...i know its good tips, but i cant remember all that bleep when i talk to a girl....

[Kevin T]

Confidence.

 

If you have that within yourself, all else (I mean ALL ELSE) will fall into line. It's the natural order of things. lol

[Luke Skywalker]

That's good, keep it up. Continue saying 'hi', but try it at a more relaxed venue such as a bookstore or something, and see if you can add a comment about what she is wearing or the environment around.

[sir sirloin]

Just remember that girls who are pretty get men hitting on them ALL the time. So they develop pretty hardcore defense mechanisms whenever they aren't with an obvious guy bodyguard.

 

Try asking about something in the environment like if you are waiting in line at the take out place say you can't decide what to get and ask her what she is getting. Then judge her response to see if she wants to talk more. If she briefly answers then goes about her business probably not. Just say thanks and leave it at that. If she hesitates then you have to come up with a way to keep the conversation going.

 

Then at some point you get her name, then ask for her number.

 

Good luck and godspeed!

[shadowcat]

Confidence.

 

If you have that within yourself, all else (I mean ALL ELSE) will fall into line. It's the natural order of things. lol

 

confidence is hard to come by for me...most days i dont have it at all...

nowadays im sick and tired of being in my shell and not doing nothing about it.. so i try to force my self to get out of my confort zone..i jus wish i wasnt so nervous

[chai714]

Don't take everything you read literally. I have analyzed many of these sites.

 

If I were you, I'd read up on the basics of psychology, body langauge, and if you want to be in shape - fitness and how to improve your physique (which is mostly done through nutrition).

 

A real good book on figuring out how people work is a classic by Dale Carnegie. There are many others, but before you go listening to these other sites realize that each person is unique - there is no single strategy or tactic that will work on every person, every time.

 

Good luck.

[shadowcat]

Don't take everything you read literally. I have analyzed many of these sites.

 

If I were you, I'd read up on the basics of psychology, body langauge, and if you want to be in shape - fitness and how to improve your physique (which is mostly done through nutrition).

 

A real good book on figuring out how people work is a classic by Dale Carnegie. There are many others, but before you go listening to these other sites realize that each person is unique - there is no single strategy or tactic that will work on every person, every time.

 

Good luck.

 

yeah for real, like some of the things on sosuave contradict some of the things on askmen and other sites i been on...so its all from that authors experience...

 

what is the name of that book by Dale Carnegie ?

[Luke Skywalker]

ok, you are missing the purpose with the 'hi' exercise, you are supposed to build tougher skin to get more rejection resistant. The idea is it's not supposed to bother you, when you get to that stage you can move on.

 

If you say hi to six people per day for thirty days, and I mean any woman you find desirable, then you are bound to get a few who will say 'hi' back, most people will either ignore you or not hear you (or pretend not to hear you). You may get a few rude responses.

 

That's a good thing, it is the tough things that build character and what counts is you are talking to them, you are initiating something, and you are not givng up.

 

When you feel strong, then you can say, I'll talk to this girl because I like her, not because she will respond nice to me if I attempt to do so, then you are in the path of becoming the type of guy you want to be.

[shadowcat]

i guess its better then nothing, because before i woudnt say hi to anyone, not even a girl i dindt find desirable... but last month i decided i was gonna get out of that and jus say hi to any girl..which i am trying to do. I read up somewhere, that it builds confidence and later on u can carry on with a conversation, but its been like 20 days now and all i have been able to say is hi..and jus one conversation that made the girl get up and leave lol

[Derek]

I'm curious, when you do the "hi" do you have some longer eye contact and a half-smile before the "hi" ?

 

Like it's one thing to blurt out "HI!" and then wait for a mumbled "uh, hi" in surprise and shock...

 

but a little flirty-ness can warm things up before the "hi, my name is Joe and I'm a secret agent" Can you follow up the "hi" with some funny-ness?

 

You've gotta be approachable too. Be a little silly and creative, the guy's gotta be willing to risk being the fool to get the girl sometimes my friend.

 

And the art of conversation is about moving smoothly from

general topics (the weather (hey! it's hot out yo!) )

to facts (yeah I work for the FBI every summer as a recruiter for new agents)

to opinions (yeah, I like the summer too),

to feelings (I feel so alive in the summer)

to other things...

 

So ya gotsta start with a little conversational lubricant (innocuous topics and jokes)

 

 

 

[Dating Coach]

Try link removed

 

But enotalone is just as good as any. Listen bub, practice makes perfect. You will fail over and over again, but the real success you are having is that you are actually doing something. Keep it up, and keep researching what to do. The more you learn and the more you try, the more likely success will find you.

[shadowcat]

werd u got a point, i guess thats my mistake that i jus say hi or smile...

and yeah the eye contact sometimes is a problem...especially when the girl looks serious like shes about to blab something mean out

[heloladies21]

You're doing great! Keep it up. Try these other sites as well link removed link removed link removed

 

It's true there is a lot of info out there and lots of it conflicts so you have to really think about the advice you read and if it really makes sense in your own mind. Also be willing to try everything that comes from a reliable source, you might find something works for you even though it doesn't sound like it would otherwise.

 

Now that you've gotten saying hi to girls down (which is a feat in itself), time to get a little more creative. A really good way to open conversations is by 3rd party openers. Like I was at this latin club once watching some people dance. I just asked this girl next to me at the bar if she knew how to dance like that. It doesn't have to be anything stellar, it can be about anything in the environment, a person, an object.

 

As far as what to say after that, you want to do some teasing, like joking. It's flirting. If you can do some light sexual innuendo that would be great too. Watch some Austin Powers movies for this style. That's been showing me some results recently at least. You can talk about some serious stuff with her too of course, like her work/school, where she lives around, hobbies, music, etc...but you wanna make sure you keep the teasing thing going so convo doesn't get stale. Always look for opportunities to close too. Get her number, kiss her, or go someplace with her right then and there. The whole point of approaching a girl is to attract her to the point where you can close somehow so never lose sight of the overall goal.

 

Keep reading, keep trying, keep posting and getting feedback. This is a recipie for success.

[shadowcat]

the teasing part is a little difficult for me, whenever i talk to a girl even if its my friend i find it hard to try to come up with something funny..or make fun of em but not in a rude fashion...like ive seen other guys jus go up to girls and jus tease away, make fun of them, and it seems they have an abundance of words to say to the girl, they seem in control of the situation....

as for me i could use alittle more help in that area..for now ive jus mastered jus saying hi or wassup..which a few months ago i could not do..i jus want my conversations to be more longer and funner

[heloladies21]

That's fine, and with practice your convos will become longer and funnier. Just like you've become good at saying hi, you will learn how carry a conversation.

 

Watching the other guys can be intimidating at first. It just seems like they have every response ready and waiting, but after you get over that initial "awe", you will start to see trends. You'll start to memorize some of their jokes, then you'll start thinking variations. This is when you really start to learn how to talk to girls, because you'll start thinking up your own material and get so good at it that you can think it up on the spot.

 

As a matter of fact watch any Mike Meyers movie, "So I Married an Axe Murder" is a good one. Start watching comedies in general. Practice saying some of the jokes on your own, getting your tone and inflections to sound just like theirs. Your sense of humour is a skill which can be practiced like any other.

[shadowcat]

ight thnx for all the help

[Dating Coach]

Practice makes perfect. Not all people are inherantly good at flirting and teasing. It takes practice. Maybe start watching a lot of comedy movies and pick up on the whole vibe of making light of everything.

[Luke Skywalker]

I'm trying to work on the skill of saying 'hi' or approaching a girl WITHOUT HESITATION - that's right HESITATION is the number one opportunity killer. It's an attitude that you just go ahead and do it without thinking about how she is going to react. The rule of thumb is 3 seconds for an interaction, if you wait beyond that, pass her and try someone else until you can do it within 3 seconds.

 

I find that it works better, you feel more confident even if it doesn't go anywhere, when you just do it, and ask questions or think about it afterwards. Do not think before you do it, think after. I'm trying out the tips on these sites today -- and they are feeling good.

[shadowcat]

explain more on that 3 second rule thing....

 

is there certain topics or anyhting that could keep the convo going and not run out of ideas ?

[Derek]

The 3 second rule,

 

it basically is "don't hesitate",

 

the hesitation can be seen as lack of confidence

Be confident in yourself enough to just lay it out there, to just not care what the other person thinks. Approach immediately (within 3 seconds).

Talk immediately. Eye contact immediately.

 

It's clear signals that you are interested. And interested in her especially, right here, right now. She is going to like being the center of attention so quickly for you. It's like you putting the spotlight on her right away and you didn't have a second thought about her. She likes feeling like she's number one on your list to pay attention to. Actually she likes feeling that she is the only one on your list.

 

Not hesitating helps that feeling.

[curbie]

Wow....this is good reading, none the less by itself. Thanks for the tips and suggestions everyone. I am in the same "insecure" shell...but I'm wanting to break out. I'm tired of seeing pretty girls with all these guys and I feel like such a loser.

 

Just one question....what or how would you approach girls...if you're reputation was already sort of smeared with crap because you'd never said "hi" or anything to these women? I'm wondering...would she say "wow...he actually grew **** and started talking to me?

[Derek]

curbie: short answer, yes she would, she'd see you in a different light.

 

If you had the attitude that you didn't care what she thinks, she'd wonder what happened to you overnight. Mysterious is good.

[LIFE]

I like your sig Shadowcat....that is probably the best storytelling song I've ever heard. Have you heard Dance with the Devil??? Ha..

 

 

Anyways, my advice is that you should watch other people's body language first before talking to them. You have to know their level of awareness you know what I mean. So you would know how to approach them. If someone who isn't too conscious of their surroundings (looking sad/angry), you would probably feel it. Because their energy levels are really low. So you probably don't wanna smile and say "hi", that probably would only get a minimal response from them. Do you get what I'm saying? From there on you should STOP thinking about all that stuff you read on them websites. You just go with the flow. You can prepare yourself mentally or whatever by reading the advice, but when the time comes when you're talking to a girl just go with the flow most of the time, and throw in a couple of surprising jokes here and there. Really man, just be yourself, because that's what's real. You know, you wanna be real don't you? Not something that you're not.

[shadowcat]

yeah Dance with the DEvil was a raw song man, i like other like Obnoxious and The Poverty of Philosophy, the group pretty political in some of their songs.....

 

Yeah i get what your saying, like i find it easier to talk to a chick who smiles alot, that jus kina shows me she aint a mean person or stuck up, then again theres the cute girl who doesnt smile that much which i cant figure out if shes conversation friendly, who i wana approach..but dont really know how to get it going....

 

peeps have told me to talk about my surroundings, about what shes doing, what shes wearing ( i kina doubt this one) her job... also would it be a good idea to talk about her looks ?? or is that jus makes u look desperate ??

 

plus how do u find out during the conversation if that girl likes you...or your jus in a friendzone ?

[LIFE]

Well basically I think a way that you can tell if a girl likes you is the little things that she says and her BODY LANGUAGE.

 

I was at a party once and this girl was really feeling me because she wanted to dance with me. ANd was really excited, lots of smiling and eye contact. That sort of nonsense. ANd plus she offered me a ride home (which I refused because I didn't have the same feelings I guess)....just things like that.

 

 

 

By the way, have you heard Caught in a Hustle By Immortal Technique? That's probably his best song ever...and it's not on any of his retail CDs. And it's not a group, Immortal Technique is just one guy.