Husband has a gf...how much will she put up with?

[SaraJane]

So when the money runs out, will he then realize how selfish he's been?

 

If he does, and if that's what it takes for him to come back to you I hope to God that you stand tall and realize that you deserve much better than that.

 

 

Being a single mother is not only hard, its just impossible at most times. But, you can do it. Dont depend on him to be a full time father, because he's not anymore... he's no longer going to be able to be there every night to help you put the kids to bed, or come running every time the kids get hurt... he didnt only chose this other woman over you, he chose her over your children too.

 

You're pretty much on your own, I think you need to accept that... and I promise you in time you will appreciate yourself so much for the job that you've done as a mother that all the 'difficult times' will make you realize what an amazing person you are.

 

Your children will become more independent, and it will get easier on you... right now your kids are very young, and that's hell... I've been there. My ex and I divorced before my second child turned 1, and my oldest was only 2 years older. It wasnt until they were both in school full time that I was able to take a breath, but it was worth waiting for.

 

Look forward to the time in life when you will be able to look at your children and know that you were the sole person to make them who they are... that's a damn good feeling. Being a single mother isnt the ideal situation for anyone, but it is a blessing in its own ways.

[zara]

the real thing to consider is that he left u alone when u needed him most. when u were having his child. u put up with too much. forget the gf. he let u down and it doesnt matter why. u sound a lot like me-- too forgiving. if i were u i would say to him that he left u when u needed him most, that he acted like less than a man in doing so, he shouldnt have cheated on his wife and defo not his pregnant wife. and then drop him. only speak to him when it regards the kids. and make sure u get custody when u divorce his sorry * * *. get a good lawyer. i have seen some crazy things happen in t he court room (im a lawyer) and often a woman will end up with a bad deal if her husband has good legal advice. dont let that happen to u.

 

ur heart will heal eventually, but it has to break first for it to heal properly. let out the pain, and u will be surprised how quickly u recover, and can be a better, more independent and happy mother for the little ones.

best of luck.

[BBT]

Thanks everyone. I really appreciate all of the support during this really difficult time.

 

I know I need to make some changes with my husband regarding our current arrangement with the kids and I need some help.

 

When he moved out, he told me that he just needed some time to get his head on straight...so I supported him and he continued to come over every day to see the kids. A week later I found out that there WAS another woman, and the arrangement with the kids continued. My problem is how do I ....after 4 months...tell him that the arrangement with seeing the kids every day needs to change? Without looking like a horrible person? He says his kids are his priority and he wants to see them as much as possible, but yes....he did choose her over me and the kids and can't have the best of both worlds. I know for a fact that he is going to be upset and say that I am using the kids when I tell him he can only see them twice a week or what ever, but what seems reasonable, and how do I tell a very stubborn and angry man that this can't go on with him coming over every day (except Wed) has to stop? .....maybe this is what will make him realize what he's done. I have talked to him and told him that I don't feel comfortable with him taking the kids to his house yet because he is living with "her"...and I am protecting my kids b/c I think it is way to early for them to have anything to do with her.....and that's why he comes over here. I'm in such a dilema!!!!

[SaraJane]

"Typical" visitation is one weeknight (2-3 hours) every week, and every other weekend Fri-Sunday type of thing.

 

I personally feel that you need to set a visitation schedule and stick with what's convenient for you. If he tries to throw it in your face, remind him very politely that he made the choice to leave and you have to do what's best for you right now and your children and him coming over every day is definitely not best.

 

 

I have talked to him and told him that I don't feel comfortable with him taking the kids to his house yet because he is living with "her"...and I am protecting my kids b/c I think it is way to early for them to have anything to do with her.....and that's why he comes over here.

 

A father has a right to see his children, and besides sweetheart you need a break once in a while. They're very young, them spending time with him (even when he's with this other woman) is not going to devistate them or harm them. Having him come to your home every night is going to confuse them much more in my opinion.

 

Not only do you need to know that he's not coming back, in a way they do too. Its an adjustment that all of you will have to make and accept. Im not sure where you live or how the visitation laws are set up where you are, but if you have a visitation schedule set up they're not going to back you up on not letting your children go with him just because you dont want them to have anything to do with the new woman.

 

Unless he's abusive, or neglectful he deserves to have his time with his children and you need to accept that you need to step back and let him have that out of your home.

[SaraJane]

Im just curious why there's not a visitation schedule set up actually... is divorce still in the works? Are you two technically just 'separated' at the moment?

[BBT]

Yes, we are legally separated right now....in Canada you have to be separated for a year before you can divorce. The reason I hesitate very much with him taking the kids to his house is that this relationship is still very new and what if it doesn't work out with them. ...wouldn't that cause alot more damage and confusion rather than to keep them out of this mess for awhile? That's why this schedule of him coming over here seems to be working....I just want to do what best for my children. I hate being in this position, I would do anything to protect my kids....even if that means I don't get a break.

[123noone]

RUN.........me always want something more than what the have

love your children, teach them true love