Going to see her...

[FelixXavier]

So..

 

My girlfriend and I split up about a month ago, got back together after a few days, were together for about a week, then split up again.

 

The first time around, I called her, kept in contact, kept asking her if this was really what she wanted to do. Eventually she caved, and felt like she did want to give us a second chance. For a few days, it was perfect, like the honeymoon all over agan. Then the same issues came up, and she ended it again.

 

This time, however, I've been implementing NC. We broke up 2 Fridays ago. She texted me Monday, then again on Tuesday. Called me on Thursday twice, called me on Friday twice, called me again on Saturday night at 2 in the morning, texted me twice the same night!

 

All the messages were the same: "I just want to see how you're doing," "How come you're not answering?," "Are you ever going to talk to me again?"

 

I didn't tell her that I was going to go NC.

 

Well, I cave and call her yesterday. We have a brief conversation, about 10 minutes. Let her know I've been doing well, and asked her if I could get my stuff back from her once and for all.

 

We agreed to meet Thursday, under almost the exact same auspices as the first time we got back together.

 

I want her back, badly. But I also don't want to play these games anymore, back and forth together. I'm worried that she won't bring the relationship up, and thereforeeee we won't have an earnest discussion about things. There is an outside chance that it will get physical, just like last time.

 

Argh! I'm caught in this infinite loop of emotional turmoil. She's calling me on a Friday and Saturday night for a reason, right?

 

Anyways, my plan is on Thursday to tell her not to contact me ever unless it's about getting back together. I think it would be best for all parties involved.

 

Any suggestions??

[Cadence308]

It's hard to make suggestions when you haven't told us what the issues were? Why you keep breaking up and getting back together again?

 

I would say that not enough time has passed for either party to have changed that much. thereforeeee, it is likely the same issues are going to come up again and things will end, again.

[jchan]

elaborate a lil more, some more background story could help. who broke up with who? and why?

[FelixXavier]

Here y'all go:

 

The first one -

The second one -

 

 

 

Honestly, though. Right now I'm strongly thinking that when I see her on Thursday, I'm just going to tell her I'm going NC. Tell her to not contact me UNLESS it's because she wants to work things out.

 

That will be best for me, I think. I will have closure in knowing that I did what I could and I said my peace. Tell her that I love her to bits and wish things worked out, but I also can't be her friend for the foreseeable future. One day I might be ok with it (likely when I meet someone else), but if I stay friends with her, I'm just going to go insane when see starts seeing someone else, or I start thinking about what she's up to.. no, no, no. My hearts not in it. Best to just end it clean and move on. But, still let her know that I really want to work it out.

 

From all my research with the forums and with friends in real life, this really seems like the best plan. Anyone have their 2 cents to chip in???

[friscodj]

Felix-

 

Dude, tough spot. A couple of angles here:

 

1) You guys are riding the rollercoaster for sure. Break-up, call, get back, honeymoon, break-up, repeat... What do you think this really says about the relationship? Does this happen in relationships where two people are right for each other and build a lasting life together?

 

2) Her messages aren't really telling you anything. I think she wants to be with you without being with you. She "wants her cake and eat it too". Plus she's pretty demanding in the frequency of her contacts. Sounds like she's got you wrapped around her pinky finger...

 

3) But if you're wrapped, you're wrapped, and the only way to unwrap is to cut the string and throw it away. I don't think you're there yet as you say you want her back badly. So my advice is keep riding the rollercoaster. Get back together with her, again, and again. In time, you'll see firsthand for yourself how screwed up this situation is and your feelings for having a relationship with her will soon follow...basically beat the feelings out of yourself...

 

4) So when you do get back together this time, really focus on working on the issue(s) that are keeping you guys on the rollercoaster and really work on those. You and her. She has to do her part if this thing is going to work...